Grey Suit Jacket

“I’m leaving,” he said in a monotone. He didn’t meet her eyes, only looked straight ahead over her shoulder at the curtains covering the world outside. He was holding an old, brown bag filled with clothes, and the money he had been hiding under his mattress for months. He had only just put on the grey suit jacket his father had given him once.

She moved around the table that was separating them, walked towards him and pulled him close. He still wasn’t looking at her, and he didn’t return the embrace. He just stayed completely still, and he felt her breath on his neck when she spoke. “You won’t,” was all she said. Pulled away slightly and grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at her. “I know you say that now, but I know you won’t.”

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried not to smell the cloud of perfume dancing around her. “I will,” he argued. He didn’t raise his voice, tried to keep himself calm, but the frustration was clear in his voice. He didn’t want to anger her, only reason with her. “I can’t go on like this, we can’t live like this.”

“Yes, we can!” she said, stepping away from him. She was keeping him within distance, she grabbed his hand and covered it with both of her own, kissing it now and again. “We’ll make it work!”

“I’m sorry,” he said, feeling her pressing his hand harder and harder, and he didn’t dare to pull away, didn’t want to anger her. He had to be strong. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

She wasn’t pleased. “You can, you’re just not trying hard enough!” she urged him, pulling his arm, dragging his body closer to her own. “We have to be strong, we can’t give up,” she forced, her teeth gritted and her eyes were full of anger. “I’ve given you so many chances, so many chances, and you just throw them all away.” Her breath was getting heavy. “You don’t deserve them, but I’m being kind.”

“Stop giving me chances,” he said, following her lead, taking the blame himself. He forgot all the things he had been telling himself, about how he was worthy of a good life, of how this wasn’t his fault. Because it was his fault. All his fault. “You deserve so much better than me.”

“I know,” she said, slapping him. “I love you, though. I’m giving you a new chance, be grateful!”
She was nearly screaming, and he could feel the smell of her mint breath in his face. He hated mint. That’s when the tears came. Her eyes filled up with salty water and she started sobbing. “Don’t leave me,” she cried, pulled him closer to herself, getting tears and snot all over his nice jacket. “I love you, don’t leave me!”

He stood there completely still for minutes. She continued to stop. “I won’t,” he said eventually, when he couldn’t take it anymore. “I won’t leave you, I promise.” Just like he always did.