I Need You

"Zeke." I quiet voice woke me from my slumber. I groaned and grumpily opened my eyes.

"What do you want?" My tone was gruff and clipped.

"Don't get snippy with me mister." Raine's voice registered in my mind and his face found it's way into my vision.

"I'm trying to sleep!" I went to roll back over, Raine couldn't stop me he was too nice.

"Oh no you don't." I voice scolded. I groaned, it was Hale, he would stop me. He isn't the same kind of nice as Raine is.

"Can you just tell me what you wanted so I can go back to sleep?" I grumbled.

"No, you have to come with us." Hale said and they grabbed either of my arms and tugged me out of the bed. I let my feet drag as they carried me out of the room. They sat me on the couch and turned on a light.

The brightness sent a stab of pain through my eyes and I rushed to cover them. I felt the couch shift as they sat on either side of me.

"When are you going to do it?" Raine asked, I stared at him blankely.

"Oh that's descriptive." I scoffed. I can't help it, I'm not peppy in the morning.

"When are you going to propose to that lovely boy in there?" Raine whisper shouted and pointed towards my room.

"I dunno." I muttered, suddenly embarrassed. "Eventually."

"That's not good enough!" Raine slapped my arm. It really hurt, he was brutally strong for such a small individual.

"I don't know?" I shouted. "Is that good enough? I have no idea! There I said it! I have no idea what do to, and Honey has told me about the deadline and between that and school there's just nothing I can do. I'm helpless!" My voice died down and tears fell from my eyes. Raine and Hale were stunned.

"O-oh." Hale gasped, and silence engulfed us. After a few moments Raine spoke.

"What about a concert?"

"What? How would that work? He wouldn't be able to hear me!" I exclaimed.

"Well, if you told Honey, she'd work it out so that you came out from backstage and the lead singer of the band would be all like 'Hey is there a Connor, here? A Connor that belongs to this here gentleman?' and then Connor would be crying and you'd be like 'Hey, I love you! I can't live without you and all that sappy stuff... Would you marry me?' Then he'd be all 'Holy mother of cheez-its yes!' and you'd get married with us and live happily ever after!" Raine finished and finally breathed.

"That's perfect!" Honey yelled coming from the kitchen.

"But, we have to find a concert first, and his favorite band!"

"That's easy it's Standing Up Forward." We all stood there and stared at her. Then it all clicked in my head.

"Do you mean Falling in Reverse?" I offered.

"Yeah that!" She smiled and jumped up and down.

"One problem, their songs are by no means romantic, and they don't have a concert anytime soon. Their next concert is in six months." Her face fell.

"Awakening without People?" This time Raine got if first.

"Sleeping with Sirens?" He questioned and laughed.

"Yep! They have that one song... 'All of My Heart'!" She smiled at me. "That could work!"

"Sure, they're pretty good." I liked them. "Do they have a concert?" I looked over at Honey and she was gone. She had just vanished. In seconds she reappeared and held a laptop in hand.

"They have a concert tomorrow thirty minutes away!" She exclaimed.

"But I don't have a ring!" This is so rushed how was I supposed to pull it of? Something hit me in the face. I caught it as it fell and opened it. Inside there was a small golden band, with small intricate designs.

"When did you get this?"

"Weelll" She started. "I took him shopping and we passed the ring store and he stopped dead in his tracks and told me how beautiful the ring was. He loved the little designs and said he was going to ask for a ring just like that for Christmas and his birthday combined because it was gold and so expensive."

"How expensive?" I planned to pay her back every cent for how generous she was being.

"Zero dollars." I glared at her, and she continued. "You're not paying me back. I'm living my romantic dreams through you, so you'll just have to take this. However, you're on your own for the concert unless I can come with."

"Honey." I wined.

"Honey, nothing." She said sternly. "You are going to make tomorrow night the best night of Connors existence, up to this point in his life, and you're just going to have to deal with it. It's physically impossible for me to have this kind of luck at all, so I'm living it trough you! I'm going to pay for that ring, you're going to like it, you're going to propose, Connor's going to love it, you'll all get married together, and go on beautiful Honeymoons because I need to be more generous. I need help others and not hurt them like-like." Tears formed and her eyes.

"Like what Honey?" Hale whispered kindly and rubbed her back.

"Like I did to Chris. Raine knows what happened, and he knows I can never forgive myself for it. So you have to take this from me. Please." She sounded so desperate I couldn't do anything but agree.

"I-I have to go." She sobbed and ran into her room, we all followed and watched as she threw random articles of clothing into a suitcase.

"Honey... Where are you going?" Raine asked, tears forming in his eyes. "I just got you back."

"I'll be back soon. I... I just have to relax for a little while. Zeke, you're whole stage thing will happen without a hitch, and I'll text you instructions on what you're supposed to do. Your tickets are on the printer." She tried to get through the door. I blocked the door frame.

"You aren't leaving." I stated.

"Yes I am. Look Zeke, you don't understand. I have to get out of here." She sad as she furiously wiped tears from her eyes.

"No, you don't, you are going to stay right here and calm down."

"Why? Just so I can think about how much Chris still hates me?" She forced a laugh. "I don't think so."

"He doesn't hate you. He told me he had forgiven you." Raine said through sobs. I looked at him in shock, why was he crying so hard? Hale had obviously noticed before us because he was clutching Raine to his chest.

"R-Raine?" Honey asked as her tough facade fell away. "What's wrong?"

"That's what my parents said before they laughed that night." He sniffled. "It's stupid really, I shouldn't care so much about a phrase... But Honey, they said 'We'll be back soon, we're just going to relax for a little while. Cindy will take care of you.' They were going to a spa when the semi hit them. So they weren't 'back in a little while'. Honey I can't lose you like that too." That broke Honey completely. She dropped all of her stuff and sprinted over to Raine. Hale released him as she snaked her arms around his waist and buried her face in his neck.

"I'm so sorry." She sobbed. "I didn't want to bring them up again. I won't leave, I promise. It's just hard for me. I killed her Raine. There's no way he'd forgive me."

"Killed who?" I asked. My perception of sweet innocent Honey changed.

"Chris's favorite cousin." She pulled away from Raine and looked at me, her tear-streaked face catching the light. "I was being an idiot and showing the big kids I could cross the street with no problems. I danced in the street, showing them I was safe... I wasn't. a van came flying around the corner and I watched as my life flashed before my young eyes. It wasn't going to stop in time and I had accepted that I was going to die. But I didn't." She paused and cleared her throat. "Royal was her name. She and Chris were attached at the hip, they were only twelve so the didn't know it, but everyone else could see they were in love. They were always together, using every excuse they had to hug each other. She spent every night at his house, I think they even slept in the same bed. It was completely legal too, she was his fourth cousin. They would have had what you and Connor have, and what Raine and Hale have. But... She died that day, in place of me. She jumped into the street and shoved me out of the way. I saw her one last time. She held her arms outstretched at the van and she was looking at me. Her eyes were full of fear, but it disappeared the moment before before the... the accident and what I saw was bravery. It was as if everything was in slow motion as she stared at me. I watched as she inhaled properly one last time and smiled at me. Smiled!" She exclaimed. "She knew she was going to die and it was all my fault and she smiled! After that her body hurled through the air, and a sickening crunch filled the air. The van stopped and she hit the ground a few feet away. Chris was right by her side, clutching her hand. 'Royal? Royal?' he had called. 'Are you okay? Speak to me!'. Once I got over there I saw her chest moving haphazardly and her eyes struggling to focus on anything I knelt beside her. Once her eyes passed over me,they focused instantly, and she said: 'Be strong, Lilac. Don't let the wind bully you.' I watched as her breathing slowed and her eyes stopped moving. They tried to save her, the ambulance. There was machines and tubes and a defibrillator. Technically she died seven times in that vehicle, before she was labeled a lost cause and the ambulance slowed, no longer in a hurry. It should have been me! Then Chris would have been in love, and he wouldn't have had to run away! He'd be happy if it weren't for me!"

"It wasn't you're-" I began to say, but she cut me off.

"Zeke, the love of Chris's life used her last breath to tell me to be strong! She tried to joke by referencing the wind, because my name was Lilac, but it wasn't funny. She didn't say one word to him and he loved her.That's like Connor dying and telling Raine to have a beautiful wedding and not saying anything to you! And she smiled at me right before she died. She smiled like everything was going to be okay, even though she knew she would make it." She rubbed the tears from her eyes. "She was twelve, she had more of a reason to live than I did, I was six, I didn't understand the world yet, I wouldn't have missed it. She had a love, she was athletic, captain of every team she was on, and had straight A's. And she got rid of it all because of me. You don't know how many times I wish it was me instead of her."

"Honey..." I reached out for her, but she shied away from my touch.

"Can you guys just... leave?" She asked tentatively. "I don't want to be comforted right now, I don't think I can handle the pity. I won't leave, I promise."

With that, we left Honey. I felt like a saw her in a whole different light. She wasn't the ditsy Honey I thought she was. She's ditsy on the outside as she tries to hide the inner turmoil that linger right beneath the surface. She was a book that took more time to read into, you couldn't just take her for face value. And I had.