Status: Completed

Urbanity

Happenings

I was dreaming again. I was in another room, searching for something. I fell onto Jason-his severed foot, that is. “Gwen! Help me! Oh God. No!” Jason was in the monsters clutches again, bruises marking his throat, dark hair torn out in clumps. “Gwen! Why are you doing this to me? I love you, please, stop!”

He reached for me, blood dripping from the ends of his fingers. “Jason, please, I’m sorry!” “Gwen. Where is your love, Gwen? Can you find the love?” It gripped Jason tighter, so I could hear his ribs crack, a sickening gurgle in his throat. “Love Gwen. Where is your love?”

I tore out my hair, threw all I had at it. “Gwen, it’s hurting me, please, stop!” I sobbed, crouching, bleeding, at the monsters feet. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, God I’m sorry, please!” “Where’s the love, Gwen?” The monster taunted me. A crunch, and my brother’s corpse was dropped on me, heavy and limp. I couldn’t breathe, I was suffocating. The cackles of the monster rang in my ears.

I woke up breathing loud, covers thrown off. My face was wet with tears and I was choking on sobs. It was 3:30, still very dark. I waited until the breath calmed in my lungs before I got off the bed, pulling the blanket around myself. I grabbed a cup of coffee-there was no way I was going back to sleep.

Scooping up a flashlight I crept outside onto the front steps, leaning against the door. Mace’s music still drifted out to me ears, and I closed my eyes, trying to let it soothe me.

Baby, boy, you held so tightly, the pain it visits almost nightly.
The Mortician’s Daughter was playing.

I always feel calmest when I’m outside, trapped by nothing, the quiet sounds of nature surrounding me. The sun rose as I watched, golden rays slowly peeking over the horizon.
Around 5:30 the door at my back opened quickly, sending me tumbling back. I was looking up at a pair of black jeans and a very pale chest. “Uh, hey Mace.” His hair was messy from sleep, eyeliner smudged. Lucky boy, he was still beautiful.

“What are you doing out here so early?”I inched aside, pulling my skinny knees close to my chest. “I couldn’t sleep.” He dropped next to me, seemingly unaffected by the cold.
“Did you have another one of those dreams?” I bit my lip and nodded. “What are they about?” Mace looked me deep in the eyes, brow furrowed. “I, uh, nothing. I just have weird nightmares.” Burying my face farther in the blanket, I closed my eyes. It felt like my secrets were about to burst through my mouth. “Why are you here, Alice?”

“I just bumped into your bus.” Mace grabbed my chin, gently tugging my face up until I looked at him. “No one begs that way if they ‘just bump into something’. I’ve seen a lot, but I’ve never seen anyone beg that hard for simple kindness. You’re so thin we thought you had died when you fell. And then you woke up in the middle of the night screaming in fear, babbling on about love. What’s your story?”

I thought quickly, exhausted brain forcing out a truthful sounding lie. “I lived with my dad, and he abused me. I ran away just a few, uh, weeks ago, and I’m never going back.” The last part, at least, was true. The real story was so much worse, I didn’t want to see his face twist in horror, disgust filling his voice as the band forced me away from my only shelter.

At my lies sympathy filled Mace’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. My parents were just the same way.” He patted my shoulder, somehow finding it through all the blankets. “I ran away when I turned 15, spent a few months on the streets before Tyo took me in. He’s the oldest of all of us. After that we became friends with Sean, and then Tyo brought Grant home. I guess the band thing just sort of happened. We all played instruments, and I like to sing, and it just came together one day. I was always writing song lyrics, so everything worked out.”

He looked back at me and smiled. “It feels weird talking to someone who never interrupts. You just sit there and listen. I think I could go on and on forever.” I smiled back. “Well, how weird do you think it is for me? You’re my favorite band.” Mace was clearly pleased by that, but then he said, “Look, you need to sleep. Isn’t there anything I can do?”

I frowned at him. “I’m not tired, kay?” I stood up, letting the blanket drop from my shoulders. “If you’re not going to sleep, at least eat something,” he said, eying my body. “You’re thinner than me.” He led me inside, where we ate breakfast. I could only stomach a grape fruit, while he devoured a waffle. It was surprisingly nice.

There was a party that night. Tyo had gotten bored and texted what had to be everyone on his contact list. The bus was overflowing, people tripping over one another, giggling drunkenly. I huddled in my bunk, just watching. I’ve never been much for parties. And when a short, skinny boy tumbled into my lap, alcohol laced breath searing my nose, I flinched and pushed him away, curling farther into the relative safety of my bunk.

Mace was in the middle of the party, naturally. Long arms outstretched above the gyrating crowd, eyes closed, he whispered the lyrics to the song that was playing. Men and women groped at him, pressed close as they could. I saw some people practically fucking on the dance floor.

I heard Tyo’s loud laugh over the roar of people. Grant and Sean were invisible, drowned by bodies. A couple bounced onto my bed, lips already interlocked, tugging at each other’s clothes. A memory flashed through my head. Déjà vu.

I was 16, and Jason was holding a party. I had gotten a little drunk, so I was dancing half naked with a boy I didn’t know. Suddenly he came up to me, the one who caused all my problems. “Let’s dance.” That wasn’t all he wanted. He tugged me upstairs to my bedroom, already tearing off my pants. I struggled against him, pounding at his bare chest. “Wait! What...what are you doing? Stop!” I slurred. He pushed me down, forced my legs open, and raped me. I screamed so loud I thought everyone could hear, but no one ever came to my rescue.

Reality came back to me with a start. “Gah!” The party flowed on around me, but I was starting to feel claustrophobic. I couldn’t even escape outside-it was equally as loud out there. I squeezed through the crowd, trying to ignore the pinching hands and spinning hips, lips at my neck. I finally reached the room no one else had been allowed in-the room the band shared.

It smelled like sleep and boy, musky and very strong. I settled on the bed I assumed belonged to Mace-pieces of written on paper were scattered all around it. Concentrating on the music (some generic pop song) I calmed down. It was alright, he wasn’t there....Suddenly the door opened, and a man walked in, face shadowed against the light. I cowered.

He was back for me. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Don’t rape me, don’t hurt me, please! I’m sorry!” I whimpered, folding myself into a ball. “Don’t touch me!” The man stepped for, and I saw it was just Mace. But I was trapped in a dark room with a man.... “The party, the party, he hurt me...please...don’t....the party...” I was so scared I was spewing gibberish. Mace crept towards me, face careful. “Alice, calm down. It’s just me, Mace. I’m not going to hurt you.” I bit my lip and considered him, making sure he was far away.

“Open the door, please.” I said. He did that, and when I could finally see more people I relaxed. “I’m sorry.” Mace sat near me, making sure not to get too close. I wouldn’t have allowed him to. “What the fuck was that?” I shivered and avoided his eyes. “Uh, parties. I just don’t like them. You freaked me out a little.” “You don’t give up your secrets,” he observed. When I nodded he lightly brushed my wrist.

“Please, don’t touch me.”He drew back. “Tyo wants you in therapy already. He thinks that’s the cure for anything.”Mace rolled his eyes and laughed. “I don’t need therapy.” That was sort of a touchy subject for me. I’d been forced into therapy when The Horror happened. It didn’t work.

“I think I’ll be okay now, thanks.” When I heard a girl calling for Mace, I nodded at the door. “Go out to your party. Have fun. I’ll be fine here.” The girl called again and I got off the bed. “Come on. I’ll follow you out.” Mace came after me.

Immediately bodies surrounded me, pushing my skin, pulling at my clothes, bringing back more memories.

It had been yet another party, somewhere small and dim. He had forced me to go, wrapping his strong hands around my neck until I agreed. I shook the entire time, knowing what he had planned for later. “Please. I don’t want to!” His face twisted to reveal the ugly grimace he hid so well. While we were dancing I blushed with shame, knowing everyone could see me. Us. He leaned down and hissed in my ear, “I’m going to fuck you tonight,” and he grabbed me in already painful areas. My scream was swallowed by his angry, biting lips.

I gasped and came back to myself. Mace had a protective hand on my back. I suppressed the urge to brush him away. Someone grabbed his belt loops, easily pulling him away from me. I was lucky to be pushed into Tyo, bouncing off his chest. “Alice!” He yelled over the din. I waved.

“Are you alright?” “Yeah!” I whirled past him and back to my bunk. I kind of wanted to get drunk, so at least the memories would leave. Instead I blocked out the voices of people around me and read some music magazines.

By the time the party was over(at 6:00 a.m.!) I had nearly memorized the 62 tips to playing the perfect guitar. Mostly everyone had left, but there were people passed out on the floor or slumped over each other. The place was trashed, but at least nothing was broken. Mace lay on the carpet, one arm draped across Tyo’s stomach. Sean had slumped like a doll in the corner. I smiled to myself when I saw he had a hand in his mouth, like a little kid. Grant, that clear headed boy, was the only band member who had gotten to the room, even if he did have a girl with him.

I sighed. No matter what Mace said, I still felt like they could kick me out anytime. I had to make them want me to stay. So I began picking up the bus, delicately grasping the rim of beer bottles (nothing else was consumed!) tidying the place, scrubbing away stubborn stains. By 8:00 a.m. the place was cleaner than it had been before. The band was still out, but I woke people up anyway. “Miss, I’m sorry, but you have to leave.”They probably wouldn’t have listened if most of them weren’t hung over. “Mmph, sure, whatever.” I watched as the
last of the guests stumbled to their cars and drove away.

But when I walked back in I realized I had missed someone. A tall, dark haired guy with thick shoulders was leaning against the wall, looking arrogantly down at Mace and Tyo. “Uh, excuse me? Everyone has to leave now, please.” He smirked and walked towards me. “And what if I don’t feel like it, bitch?” The breath caught in my throat when he shoved me against the wall, pushing the door open behind me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Drunk, which was most likely why he was acting this violent. “Uh, er, please...” The boy shoved me again, and my memories of him came back. He would push me too.

I erupted at him, screaming like an animal, hitting and biting at his chest. “Don’t....fucking....touch me! Get out of here!” That certainly woke the boys up. Tyo jumped to his feet followed by Mace, running towards me to pull the guy off. “Hey, Cy, what the hell man?” I ripped myself away from him, falling into Sean. He stroked my hair, like my dad used to before The Horror happened. For once I let someone touch me, and I cried into Sean’s shirt.

“Uh, Alice, really sorry about that. I keep forgetting what an asshole he is.” I yawned and tottered, suddenly remembering how long I’d been up. “I’m sorry guys....I didn’t clean the fire pit yet....I’ll do it now.”I began towards the door, but Mace stopped me. “Fuck no. Get some sleep.” He escorted me to my bunk, where my eyes closed in seconds.

Of course, I didn’t get to sleep long. My dreams were back, mixed with bad memories. The memory came first.

I was alone at home, lying on my bed. It was a few months before The Horror, and I was empty. My body ached, my head pounded, I was bleeding. He came up to my room, got in somehow, I’m not sure. “Strip.” I struggled as usual, but he was breaking my spirit. “Please...I’m begging, stop.” He just chuckled and continued taking his pleasure with me. I cried the whole time.

I wasn’t lucky enough to wake up after that. Instead, I dreamed. The monster wasn’t there. I was locked in a room. Jason was leaning against the wall, smiling at me. I ran to him. “Jason, oh my God, you’re good!” I got the familiar hug of my brother, his stubble tickling my ear. I smiled and just enjoyed the happiness. Suddenly it wasn’t tickling anymore. It hurt.

“Jason!” His eyes were bloodshot, face twisted.”Fuck you! You fucking little bitch!” Jason gestured down at himself with a clawed hand. “You, you stupid fuck, you did this!”He grabbed my throat, nearly holding me off the ground. “Please no!” Jason considered me, tilting his head before he squeezed harder. I heard my neck snap and the nightmare ended.
“Ah!” I woke up tangled in the sheets again. It was 11 a.m. when I looked over at the clock-I’d only gotten three hours of rest. The band was outside practicing.

I would’ve given my life for you
My entire fucking life for you
But you-don’t-care-about-anything but yourself!

It was the song jokingly titled ‘Carebears’. Sean had thought of the title. I wiped the tears away and leaned back, breathing hard. Someone pounded up the stairs and knocked on the door. “Alice! You okay in there?” “Fine!” I called back weakly. “We’re gonna practice some more. There’s a concert tonight. And guess who’s opening for us?” Tyo sounded very excited. “Who?” I rolled over so I was staring at the wall. I didn’t care right then. “Threadbare!” “Who’s that?” Even through the door I could feel Tyo’s shocked eyes. “They’re like, the coolest band ever! I love them!” “Have a good time then.” I said listlessly.

There were whispers outside. The door opened and Mace walked in. “But you’re coming Alice.” I twisted to look at him. “Why?” He shrugged like it was obvious. “You’re part of the band now.”I don’t think Mace realized how much that meant to me. “C’mon Alice. Go back to sleep.” He had to ruin it. “I’ll have coffee.” I left the bed and went outside to watch the band practice.