Status: Completed
Urbanity
Visions
Two days after that night everyone in the band had fully woken up and I was exhausted. My nightmares wouldn’t leave, I was weak, and bad memories came without warning. The group decided to go out shopping for new clothes, especially for me. “Alive, you only have two pairs of underwear and a sweatshirt.” (My other clothes had been too ruined to save) When I tried to refuse Tyo just picked me up and carried me into the mall. Unfortunately, that brought a memory up.
I had gone to the mall with him. He dragged me into stores where he would make me dress up in ‘sexy’ outfits for him. If I didn’t he choked me. For the end, he raped me in a dressing room, made me buy the outfit I was wearing for it. I threw the outfit away as soon as I got home, before I collapsed on my bed and sobbed.
“Tyo, please put me down. Now.” He must have heard the urgency in my voice, because he stopped laughing and set me gently on my feet. “Uh, sorry Alice.” I fixed myself up before smiling up at him. “It’s fine.” We roamed the mall, stopped at whatever store we felt like. Mace got some more black jeans (of course) and Sean bought a long board and new shirts. Grant took a really long time before he finally selected the perfect pair of expensive headphones. Tyo just got a lot of random accessories. “Kay Alice, it’s your turn.”They wouldn’t let me refuse. I was dragged into Rue 21, where they got me some T-shirts and jeans. “C’mon Alice, you look great in those. Please get them!” Tyo would beg.
They even sent me into Victoria’s Secret to get bras and underwear (although they wouldn’t come in with me) I was brought in and out of the stores, given basically everything. I was actually having a lot of fun. I hadn’t been shopping for a while. Then they brought me into Spencer’s and I froze. I’d been raped in Spencer’s. By him. “Uh, guys, how bout we go somewhere else?” The boys weren’t listening, already looking at belts on the wall. Sean tossed me a shirt and pushed me into the dressing room. “Try it on, Alice.” I lifted my shirt off, standing there in my bra. Then, suddenly, there was a movement in the corner of my eye. I spun. He was there, leaning against a wall, watching me. Back, he was back, he’d punish me, hurt me so bad. I screamed so loud my eardrums popped. I covered my eyes. The door banged open and Mace ran in.
“Alice! Alice, what happened? Are you okay? Say something!”I pointed a shaking hand at the place where he had been. “He’s back for me, he’ll, he’s back, rape me, so sorry!” “Alice...there’s no one there.” I hid my face anyway. The rest of the guys stood awkwardly in the door way, trying not to look at me. “Uh, maybe you should put a shirt on,” Mace mumbled. I did, and they took me out of Spencer’s. I kept looking behind myself to make sure he wasn’t there.
Everyone was quiet as we got on the bus, until Mace said, “Alright. What the fuck was that, Alice?” “I saw him.” “Your dad?” “Sure.” I lied. Tyo coughed. “Uh, you really do need to sleep. I think you’re starting to hallucinate.” “Probably.” I was too scared to care. They made me go to their room to try to sleep. I took Mace’s bed after I cleaned it off. It didn’t seem to be working for a while, until my eyes dropped closed.
I dreamed I was back in the room, alone this time. “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?” I walked closer to the edge, trying to find a way out. There wasn’t one. But I could see Jason and the monster outside. Jason ran, while the monster bounded after him, swiping gleefully with its claws. This dream seemed more horrible-I was totally helpless. I hit against the wall, cringing back when the monster easily picked Jason up and threw him at the wall.
He flopped to the ground, eyes lifeless. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe, the room was airless. I fell to the floor, watching the monster pad closer to me. It’s hissing voice carried through the glass. “Love, Gwen-You still have no love. Can you find the love?” I reached up to it, choking out, “Please....no....love...” The monster laughed and swung a paw at the glass, sending the glittering shards flying towards me. I closed my eyes.
I woke up feeling like my lungs were closed. The room was too stuffy, and I gasped for breath. It’s okay, I’m okay. I told myself. I’d only slept three hours again. As I came fully awake I realized I was in the band’s room, which explained the snoring. When my vision adjusted I saw Tyo, stretched across his bed with his mouth open. Sean was curled in a ball, face in a puddle of drool. Grant lay on his side, chewing his hoodie sleeve. It was 2:00 a.m., and I felt like every shadow held a monster. You know how you feel as a little kid when you have a nightmare-that breathless, eerie feeling? That’s how I felt.
I wanted my mom. When I was young she would cradle me, whispering lullabies in my ears. I rolled off the bed and crept out of the room. Mace was sprawled on the too short bunk, long legs hanging off the edge. His hair ruffled whenever he breathed. I walked over and bent at my side. “Mace?” Mace’s mouth moved and he fluttered his eyes. I shook him. “Mace.” “Mmph.” Mace opened his sleepy gray eyes and looked straight at me. “Alice? Mmm...What ‘re you doin here?” “I had a nightmare.” Mace sighed and sat up, rubbing his face.
“Wha’ do you need?” I flushed and bit my lip, hoping he wouldn’t think I was childish. “Will you sit up with me?” “Sure.”He swung his legs off the bed and stood up, brushing past me to head to the kitchen. I was thankful he knew not to try and hug me. “I’ll get you something to eat.” “Oh no! I can do that!” I still wanted to be irreplaceable so the band wouldn’t throw me out. He sighed again. “Alice, you know you don’t have to do everything.” “I, I want you
guys to need me so much you won’t kick me out.”
I admitted. For some reason Mace’s face got very sad.”Alice, you’re our friend. You’ve only been here for a week or so and we already love you. We’re not going to kick you out.” I hugged him impulsively. He stiffened before he wrapped his arms around me. “Thank you.” I whispered. Mace grabbed a few cookies and sat across from me, humming a song of his.
Take a bite from my life
*Crunch*
Watch my thoughts spurt out
We’re professionals
At tearing
Destruction
Screaming
He licked his lips, clearly thinking. “Alice.” “Yes?” “What aren’t you telling us?” “Er...what?” “We all know you’re hiding something else.” I froze. “No I’m not.” “Alice, you wake up at weird hours screaming someone’s name. You babble on about ‘love’ and you won’t let anyone touch you. You talk about your dad like he doesn’t really exist.” I glared over at him. “Maybe that’s just my way of dealing with things, okay?” “Alice...” “I don’t want to talk about it. I have my problems, you have yours. Just leave me alone.”
Mace’s lips tightened and he went quiet. We sat in silence for about thirty minutes. Mace yawned. “I’m sorry, Alice. I shouldn’t have bothered you.” “I’m sorry for snapping at you. You can go to bed now.” “Oh God, thank you.” Mace went back to bed, and almost immediately I heard his soft breathing. I cradled my cup of coffee in my hands and listened to Urbanity’s music.
Touch madness.
Dance with it.
Play.
But when it comes down to it,
How close did you truly come?
I’m crazy.
Right?
Think about it.
Experience doubt.
No youth revolution or rising of fists.
Can’t you see?
No matter how many cities we burn
We’re not okay.
They say I’m mad.
Crazy.
I laugh.
I know I’m screwed.
Want to watch as our world crashes and burns?
I do.
I will.
So I’m here to apologize.
No more lies, I promise.
I guess I fell for my own tricks.
I had gone to the mall with him. He dragged me into stores where he would make me dress up in ‘sexy’ outfits for him. If I didn’t he choked me. For the end, he raped me in a dressing room, made me buy the outfit I was wearing for it. I threw the outfit away as soon as I got home, before I collapsed on my bed and sobbed.
“Tyo, please put me down. Now.” He must have heard the urgency in my voice, because he stopped laughing and set me gently on my feet. “Uh, sorry Alice.” I fixed myself up before smiling up at him. “It’s fine.” We roamed the mall, stopped at whatever store we felt like. Mace got some more black jeans (of course) and Sean bought a long board and new shirts. Grant took a really long time before he finally selected the perfect pair of expensive headphones. Tyo just got a lot of random accessories. “Kay Alice, it’s your turn.”They wouldn’t let me refuse. I was dragged into Rue 21, where they got me some T-shirts and jeans. “C’mon Alice, you look great in those. Please get them!” Tyo would beg.
They even sent me into Victoria’s Secret to get bras and underwear (although they wouldn’t come in with me) I was brought in and out of the stores, given basically everything. I was actually having a lot of fun. I hadn’t been shopping for a while. Then they brought me into Spencer’s and I froze. I’d been raped in Spencer’s. By him. “Uh, guys, how bout we go somewhere else?” The boys weren’t listening, already looking at belts on the wall. Sean tossed me a shirt and pushed me into the dressing room. “Try it on, Alice.” I lifted my shirt off, standing there in my bra. Then, suddenly, there was a movement in the corner of my eye. I spun. He was there, leaning against a wall, watching me. Back, he was back, he’d punish me, hurt me so bad. I screamed so loud my eardrums popped. I covered my eyes. The door banged open and Mace ran in.
“Alice! Alice, what happened? Are you okay? Say something!”I pointed a shaking hand at the place where he had been. “He’s back for me, he’ll, he’s back, rape me, so sorry!” “Alice...there’s no one there.” I hid my face anyway. The rest of the guys stood awkwardly in the door way, trying not to look at me. “Uh, maybe you should put a shirt on,” Mace mumbled. I did, and they took me out of Spencer’s. I kept looking behind myself to make sure he wasn’t there.
Everyone was quiet as we got on the bus, until Mace said, “Alright. What the fuck was that, Alice?” “I saw him.” “Your dad?” “Sure.” I lied. Tyo coughed. “Uh, you really do need to sleep. I think you’re starting to hallucinate.” “Probably.” I was too scared to care. They made me go to their room to try to sleep. I took Mace’s bed after I cleaned it off. It didn’t seem to be working for a while, until my eyes dropped closed.
I dreamed I was back in the room, alone this time. “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?” I walked closer to the edge, trying to find a way out. There wasn’t one. But I could see Jason and the monster outside. Jason ran, while the monster bounded after him, swiping gleefully with its claws. This dream seemed more horrible-I was totally helpless. I hit against the wall, cringing back when the monster easily picked Jason up and threw him at the wall.
He flopped to the ground, eyes lifeless. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe, the room was airless. I fell to the floor, watching the monster pad closer to me. It’s hissing voice carried through the glass. “Love, Gwen-You still have no love. Can you find the love?” I reached up to it, choking out, “Please....no....love...” The monster laughed and swung a paw at the glass, sending the glittering shards flying towards me. I closed my eyes.
I woke up feeling like my lungs were closed. The room was too stuffy, and I gasped for breath. It’s okay, I’m okay. I told myself. I’d only slept three hours again. As I came fully awake I realized I was in the band’s room, which explained the snoring. When my vision adjusted I saw Tyo, stretched across his bed with his mouth open. Sean was curled in a ball, face in a puddle of drool. Grant lay on his side, chewing his hoodie sleeve. It was 2:00 a.m., and I felt like every shadow held a monster. You know how you feel as a little kid when you have a nightmare-that breathless, eerie feeling? That’s how I felt.
I wanted my mom. When I was young she would cradle me, whispering lullabies in my ears. I rolled off the bed and crept out of the room. Mace was sprawled on the too short bunk, long legs hanging off the edge. His hair ruffled whenever he breathed. I walked over and bent at my side. “Mace?” Mace’s mouth moved and he fluttered his eyes. I shook him. “Mace.” “Mmph.” Mace opened his sleepy gray eyes and looked straight at me. “Alice? Mmm...What ‘re you doin here?” “I had a nightmare.” Mace sighed and sat up, rubbing his face.
“Wha’ do you need?” I flushed and bit my lip, hoping he wouldn’t think I was childish. “Will you sit up with me?” “Sure.”He swung his legs off the bed and stood up, brushing past me to head to the kitchen. I was thankful he knew not to try and hug me. “I’ll get you something to eat.” “Oh no! I can do that!” I still wanted to be irreplaceable so the band wouldn’t throw me out. He sighed again. “Alice, you know you don’t have to do everything.” “I, I want you
guys to need me so much you won’t kick me out.”
I admitted. For some reason Mace’s face got very sad.”Alice, you’re our friend. You’ve only been here for a week or so and we already love you. We’re not going to kick you out.” I hugged him impulsively. He stiffened before he wrapped his arms around me. “Thank you.” I whispered. Mace grabbed a few cookies and sat across from me, humming a song of his.
Take a bite from my life
*Crunch*
Watch my thoughts spurt out
We’re professionals
At tearing
Destruction
Screaming
He licked his lips, clearly thinking. “Alice.” “Yes?” “What aren’t you telling us?” “Er...what?” “We all know you’re hiding something else.” I froze. “No I’m not.” “Alice, you wake up at weird hours screaming someone’s name. You babble on about ‘love’ and you won’t let anyone touch you. You talk about your dad like he doesn’t really exist.” I glared over at him. “Maybe that’s just my way of dealing with things, okay?” “Alice...” “I don’t want to talk about it. I have my problems, you have yours. Just leave me alone.”
Mace’s lips tightened and he went quiet. We sat in silence for about thirty minutes. Mace yawned. “I’m sorry, Alice. I shouldn’t have bothered you.” “I’m sorry for snapping at you. You can go to bed now.” “Oh God, thank you.” Mace went back to bed, and almost immediately I heard his soft breathing. I cradled my cup of coffee in my hands and listened to Urbanity’s music.
Touch madness.
Dance with it.
Play.
But when it comes down to it,
How close did you truly come?
I’m crazy.
Right?
Think about it.
Experience doubt.
No youth revolution or rising of fists.
Can’t you see?
No matter how many cities we burn
We’re not okay.
They say I’m mad.
Crazy.
I laugh.
I know I’m screwed.
Want to watch as our world crashes and burns?
I do.
I will.
So I’m here to apologize.
No more lies, I promise.
I guess I fell for my own tricks.