Frostbite

The empty feeling in the pit of my stomach hasn't gone away since the accident. It hurts. It's like I'm constantly walking on the broken shards of my dreams. It sounds dramatic, I know, but I've been in a dramatic kind if mood for days now. 

Despite the fact that it feel like my world has crashed down around me, it can't be anything like what Jennie must be feeling. Her dreams are shattered too, along with her ankle and her conscience. It was an honest accident but I know she still feels bad about it. Uncle Isaac always told her that heels were bad for her but she never listened. I can only imagine the thoughts going through her head and that kills me too. She's my best friend, my partner, and our connection runs deep. 

Daddy hardly let's me see her for more than three hours a day though. He says it's not good for my psyche. Uncle Isaac has tried to take me to the rink a couple times but I refuse to even get in the car. I'm not going there. Not without Jennie. Even Kinna has tried to cheer me up, coming into my room with stacks of my favorite movies and plates piled high with food I'm not usually allowed to eat. It's hardly done anything to raise my spirits.

I feel bad for making them worry but I can't help it. I can't seem to shake this at all. I went to school the day after the accident and Benjamin brought me home before third period even started because I was so miserable. I haven't been back since. It's been nearly a week. 

Benjamin is pretty much the only person who's managed to make me feel even a little better. I know that he hates that I'm feeling this way. I can see the sadness in his eyes and that kills me, so I try to be happier when he's around. It's not too hard, I mean. It's Benji. His simple presence makes the depression fade considerably. 

He lays with me when he comes over. Sometimes he puts on a movie. Sometimes he does his homework. Sometimes he does mine. Yesterday he took me to his house and we played with his dog. My favorite times though are when he runs his fingers through my hair, whispers sweet things to me, and kisses me softly. Benji always knows how to make me feel better. 

When he's not here I mostly just lay in bed and try not to dwell on the fact that I don't even have a chance of going to the Olympics. I mean, there's always the next winter Olympics, but we honestly don't know if Jennie will be able to skate again. She's scheduled for surgery on her ankle in two days. I don't want to go without her. Plus, it'll be difficult to create that kind of chemistry with another partner. 

Sometime in the middle of the day, I hear the door open and seconds later the bed dips down beside me. The covers are lifted and a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. 

"Hey baby," Benjamin's voice comes out softly and quietly. He kisses my neck and waits patiently for me to turn in his arms before holding me tighter. I clutch onto him tightly too. "How're you holding up?" 

"Better now that you're here." I mumble.

"Have you been to see Jennie today?" He asks.

I shake my head. "I was hoping you'd take me."

He nods and kisses my forehead. "I've got hockey practice but I can drop you off on my way and pick you up when I'm done?"

"Thank you." I mumble. 

"Anytime." Benji runs his fingers through my hair and kisses me again. "Do you wanna go get something to eat?" 

"Not really."

He kicks off the blanket and pulls me out of bed with him. "Taco Bell or Chipotle?"

"Buy I don't-"

"Chipotle it is." He nods. He grabs my shoes and slides them onto my bare feet and throws me over his shoulder before I can protest.

I figure it's not worth it to fight because it'll turn into some weird foreplay and I'm really not in the mood. Not that I don't absolutely love that but I really wanna see Jennie tonight and I know that I won't get to if we get into that. 

He drives quietly, never letting go of my hand once. When we're there he orders for the both of us. He coaxes me to eat the entire burrito bowl, which is amazing in and of itself, and scarfs down two burritos himself. I swear this boy has the best metabolism ever.

True to his word, Benji drops me off at Jennie's house with kisses and promises to pick me up in two hours. I knock on the door and Mrs. Wilson answers with a sad smile. 

"Hi, Cage. Jennie's in the living room." She greets. 

"Thank you." I nod, walking past her and into the aforementioned room. Jennie's there, ankle propped up on the coffee table. She's surrounded with bags of junk food and empty cans of soda. 

"Hey." I put on a smile and sit next to her, careful not to jostle her too much. 

"Hi." She says, eyes not leaving the TV. That's when I notice that she's watching one of our past competitions. We look amazing on the ice together, gliding smoothly across the surface, appearing to be floating. A new wave of depression washes over me. It's disappointing that we might not be able to do that again. 

We stay quiet for the full two hours until Benji comes to get me and it's not all that bad. In a way, it's soothing. There's some vague form of closure that comes with watching ourselves and I know that it's something only Jennie would get. 

Benjamin stays with me until I fall asleep that night and I can't help but feel that, if I have to go through this, there's no one else I'd rather have with me.