Looking For The Words

It's Christmas and I'm kind of freaking out.

The holidays are normally a pretty stressful time, what with my mom freaking out about the turkey and my dad trying to get the tree perfect and all the kids running around> this year, though, I had Lucas, too. He was really all I could ever want for a Christmas present, but that was kind of the problem.

He'd given me the best thing in the world and I know he's going to give me something else, too, something amazing. The only time he asks James for help with something while he's on holiday is if he needs some advice. Lucas was looking for advice on what to get for me, I'd bet a million. So now my gift seems silly. I'd bought it for his birthday earlier this year, before I'd given up on him ever calling. At the time, it was the perfect gift, but now it seems silly and not enough to show him ow much I love him, how much I love having him back.

"Everest, can you go help your mother get the turkey out of the oven before she breaks her back?"

"Yeah, Dad." I said, putting the bow on the present. Even if it is the shittiest present this century, it's going to look pretty.

I walked into the kitchen to find my mother wrestling with a 20lb turkey and our commercial-sized oven.

"Mom, let me grab that." I said, putting on some oven mitts, taking the pan from her hands and setting it on the heating pad.

"Oh, thanks, hun." she said. "Either I'm getting weaker or turkeys are getting heavier."

"Think it might be a combination of both?"

She laughed and sat down, picking up her glass of water and taking a long drink. "While I'm on a break, sit down. Let's talk."

I sat, but against my better judgement. Something about this felt... worrying.

"You know, Lucas came by yesterday."

My eyebrows rose in shock. "Did he? Like, he came o see you and Dad? On purpose?"

"Yes, Everest, on purpose." she said. "He came to apologize and to promise he'd never hurt you like that again. I'm assuming he didn't tell you?"

"No. He didn't say a word..."

"He was very polite. A bit formal, but I suspect that his default when he's nervous."

"Yeah, it's a business thing he's picked up." I said, leaning back. "Wow, though. I'm... proud of him. Is that weird to say?"

"Not at all. It's one of the best feelings in the world, being proud of someone you love." She looked at me, smiling wide. "So, what'd you get him for Christmas?"

"Remember that birthday present I got him, but never sent? I thought I'd give him that."

"I thought you threw it out."

"Mom, I don't throw anything out, much less something sentimental value. That's why our attic's so full. Do you think he'll like it, though?"

"I'm sure he'll love it. And he'll like it now more than ever."

|~|

Finally, after the hours of decorating, cooking and worrying, it was time for Christmas dinner. Everyone had spent the afternoon in their rooms getting dressed for dinner and each family had their own table, with the exception of the longest, which was reserved for my family and the families that have become part of our extended family over the years.

Lucas' family had politely declined to be seated there when we asked, so this would be the first year that Lucas and I would share Christmas dinner. Hopefully, this year will be the first of many...

30 minutes before dinner, I was wrapping up the last of the decorating by placing crackers at each table setting. I was already dressed in my gray slacks, deep purple button up, gray waistcoat and silver tie. I always preferred waistcoats to jackets. They were more comfortable and less restrictive.

As I stepped back to admire any work, I felt two arms wrap around my waist and smiled, closing my eyes and leaning back into Lucas' touch.

"You look amazing." he said into my ear before kissing my shoulder. "You know I love it when you wear vests. Makes your arms look great."

"Thank you." I said, smiling. "I'd return the compliment, but I can't see you. Though I do know you'd look gorgeous in anything."

"Oh, look at you. Quite the charmer."

"Well, I had to keep myself entertained while you were away."

Lucas stiffened up and pulled away, turning me around to face him. "You didn't." he said, hurt filling his eyes. I was right- he looked beautiful in his suit. "Please tell me you didn't."

"So what if I did?" I said, getting a little angry that he though he'd have any say in what or who I did while he was away. "You left me behind and went on with your life. You don't think I could've done the same thing?"

"Everest..." he said, looking taken aback and even more hurt than before. "You have to know that I could never- that there could never be anyone... The moment you kissed me the first time, I was yours. There's no one else, and there hasn't been all year. And if you have... I mean. It'd be my fault, wouldn't it? I did leave you here."

I brought my hand to his cheek and caressed it with my thumb. His eyes looked like he could cry any second, so I leaned forward and kissed his eyelids lovingly. I pulled away just enough to look him in the eye.

"I'm sorry. I was only teasing. Bad joke, I know."

"Horrible joke." he said, but smiled slightly.

"I know." I said sadly. "I love you more than anything. Even when I thought you didn't love me anymore, I couldn't stop loving you. Ever since you came that one winter, the year you finally grew into your height?"

"I remember." he said, smiling a little more. "That was the year we got a gym built in the house. I was determined to get a six pack by the end of the year."

"And you did." I said. "And you didn't hide it either. Every chance you got, you were parading around with your shirt off."

"That was a good year." he said, his voice hinting at nostalgia.

"Yeah it was." I said. "And ever since that year, I haven't been able to get interested in anyone but you, not really. It made college a special kind of hell. The 4 years that are supposed to be the most promiscuous in your life and I spent them pining over someone I saw for 3 weeks a year, and had never spoken more than 5 words to at a time."

"Seriously? But that was 6 years ago. You waited 5 years to make a move?"

"Okay, really, you are the last person who'd be allowed to make a move because you're afraid of the consequences."

"Okay, okay. I get it. And besides, it's not like I didn't notice you before last year, either. Do you think I just decided to work out one day? My poor, pubescent heart couldn't take any more of your indifference."

"That was for me?" I asked, shocked. "I mean, I just assumed it was for someone you'd met at school. And besides, I was never indifferent. I played hard to get."

"Is that what you'd call not talking to me?"

"Shut up. I thought you were the indifferent one."

"Well, I certainly wasn't. And I'm still not. Here, to prove it. Merry Christmas."

He pulled an envelope from his pocket and handed it to me.

Inside were two or three pictures of a small, but beautiful house. I twas off-white with black shutters and a red door. Behind the photos were a few papers. Official-looking papers. I read the first few lines and saw the address was within a mile of the inn, but only one word really stuck out to me.

"A deed?" I said, shocked. "Please tell me you didn't buy me a house."

"Of course I didn't." he said. "You wouldn't take it and besides, I know you love living here. I bought myself a house."

"What?"

"Well, my parents haven't had their names on my accounts for years. They've got no control over my money, or what I do with it."

"But... why?"

"I'm not going back to New York." he said, smiling. "I talked to my dad earlier today and he told me that I could work from here if I'd like. He always was a bit more sympathetic towards my sexuality, and he just treats me like any other employee now. Anything I could do in New York I can do here, as long as I've got an Internet connection."

"You're moving?"

As if he hadn't even heard my question, he just kept on going. "After I'd left, I kept fantasizing about the life that we could have had with you, up here. I went through realty sites and picked out my favorites, kept them bookmarked. When he heard we'd gotten back together, James must have found them, picked the one he knew we'd both like best, and talked to the realtor about it.

"Apparently, it's been up for sale for quite some time now, and she was willing to sell it to me as soon as I could pay for it. So, I guess what I'm really giving you is a place to go when you need a break, where someone will be waiting for you and willing to make you pancakes for any meal of the day. There should be one more thing in that envelope."

I tilted the envelope sideways and felt something fall into my hand before I really registered what I was seeing. A silvery key was glinting up at me, partially covered by a cartoon lion key cover.

"Little lion." he said, affectionately.

I smiled up at him, not quite believing what he was telling me. It was too good to be true. "You're staying?"

"I'm staying." he confirmed. "I told you-"

Unfortunately, I'll never know what he'd told me, because I took that moment to wrap my arms around his neck, jump up to wrap my legs around his waist and kiss him within an inch of his life.

He caught me easily and, although surprised at first, he kissed me back just as enthusiastically.

He was staying.