Mace

It seemed that with every step I took, my feet got heavier and heavier. What was I thinking? Flying to Honolulu from Kahului to see someone I hadn’t seen in over a year…without an invitation. But I was in trouble and I had nowhere else to run to. I saw Da Kine Bail Bonds’ front window display from a block away, my heart beating faster with each step I took. My stomach twisted into knots. Please, I prayed, please let them welcome me back.

“It’s too damn hot for this shit, man.” I recognized Duane Lee’s voice nearly immediately. “It’s freaking October and 90 degrees?” He plopped down on the couch, beside Lyssa. He was still in gear, the same for Dog and Lyssa. They must’ve just gotten back from a bounty.

I stood to the side, taking in the office. “Can I help you?” Lyssa asked, walking over to me. She had shed the cargo belt that held her mace and such on the couch by her brother. I bit my lip, nervously before walking forward.

“Hey guys…” I said. Everyone turned to look at me and I felt a sudden wash of insecurity cloud over me. What was I doing here?

“Who are you?” Lyssa asked, putting her arm on the back of the couch, scrutinizing me. Last time she saw me, I was bleach-blond, half-naked and wearing entirely too much makeup, sitting between her and Leland while they all but forced me to eat a cheeseburger for the first time in three years.

Beth’s eyes widened, “Nevada!” she sprung up from her seat and wrapped her arms around me as soon as she was close enough, pulling me close to her. “Sistah, how are you?”

“No way!” Duane Lee gasped, standing up to get a better look at me. It was a year after they had last seen me, and now I was back to my natural, chestnut brown hair color and was just wearing a smudge of brown eyeliner and a little bit of mascara. My outfit consisted of denim boyfriend shorts, a white v-neck t-shirt and cork sandals. I looked completely different, especially considering I had gained about 30 pounds now that I was eating again.

“How have you been?” Beth asked, pulling away, looking me over. Her hands stayed on my shoulders. “You look so much better.”

I smiled, grateful for the accepting welcome, “I’ve been great.” Lie number one.

“Okay, I’m outta here.” Leland said, coming out, dropping a small stack of files on his desk, “I’m picking Leigh, Cobie, and Dakota up from Maui around 8 and I’ll see you guys Monday!” he smiled, not looking up. A tinge of guilt erupted in my stomach. What was I thinking? Coming out here with no notice? It was my luck it was his weekend with the kids. He still didn’t look up from his phone.

“Leland!” Beth coughed, not-so-subtly.

His head jerked up and the phone dropped to the floor, the battery popped out and he cursed, but not at the phone. “What are you doing in town?” he asked, grabbing the pieces of his cell phone and walking towards me. I noticed Beth, Dog and Tim all made their way out of the room. Duane Lee and Lyssa kept their attention on us.

I fidgeted, uncomfortably. “Um…I kind of…I need your help.”

He nodded and gingerly took my elbow in his hand, guiding me to another room. We sat down on the couch and I brought my knees to my chest. “What’s up, Nev?” His genuine concern was like a foreign emotion to me.

“Leland…” I sighed, “I’m so scared.”

“Of what?” he asked, pressing his lips together. His left arm was on the back of the couch and his knee rested against my toes. My entire body felt frozen, like I had been standing out in the snow for hours.

I wiped the first tear away from my face, “He raped me.”

--

“I’m sorry, Cobie.” Leland said, pacing in his living room, talking to his son on the phone. “But I promise I’ll pick you up tomorrow. We’ll go fishing – do whatever you and your brother want, okay? I love you, son.”

I felt horrible. Guilty. Pathetic. Selfish. Just straight up horrible. Leland was too nice, this was almost like I was taking advantage of him…But I didn’t mean to. I pressed my body against the back of the couch, clutching the warm mug of coffee in my hands, close to my chest.

He sat beside me, sighing, “I don’t do this for everyone.” It was a poor attempt at a joke, but I knew it was such a light version of the truth. I doubted he did it for anyone. Why an ex-stripper and prostitute? Why me?

My mind wandered back to the night they had picked me up. I had skipped court the week before and had been running with two guys, Corey and Michael. I had just finished a “job” at Corey’s house and the Chapman’s broke down the door just when the guy had pulled his pants back up. I admitted I had warrants and, whilst sobbing, gave them permission to take me to jail. I wound up in the SUV with Lyssa, Beth and Leland. Lyssa gave me her jacket and when Beth accused me of having an eating disorder, I went over the edge. Leland, who was driving, argued with his father over the radio about whether or not to put me in jail, until I finally pleaded for him to leave me there. What else did I have? My parents hated me. I had no family, no friends who would lead me to a better life.

Leland visited me often and promised when I got out he would help me back to my feet. But when Michael met me at the door the day I got out (5 months after I was arrested) it seemed like Leland flew right out of my head. Michael had that effect on me.

But then, six days ago, he pinned me to the bed in his apartment and violently raped me. He harassed me. He told me that if I went to the police, his buddies would kill me. Corey assured me it was true. I got text messages from them all, describing different methods of torture. Then I bought a plane ticket and packed a carry on and made my way from the Big Island to Honolulu, to Leland’s apartment.

He took the now empty cup from my hands and held them, shaking his head, “I’m going to talk to my dad and figure out what to do, okay? But I promise, Nev, you’re safe here. I promise that you’re safe.”

Instinctively, I fell against his chest, letting my tears stain his shirt sleeve.