Reckless Nostalgia

I starred hard at my reflection in the dirty, toothpaste and spit stained mirror. Placing my hands carefully on the sink, avoiding all the water puddles left by campers brushing their teeth before bed, I leaned in closer to the mirror, turning my head slowly from side to side. Re-scanning for flaws and finding no new zits or food in my teeth, I pulled my Blistex tube out of the back pocket of my shorts, and applied a final, light coat to my lips.
I took a deep breath, fluffed my sweaty bangs, and exited from the hot, humid bathroom into the cool calm night.
Careful not to let the door bang shut and awake sleeping campers, I fast-walked down the trail leading to the Mess Hall, anxious to get back to him.

I stopped outside the Mess Hall, at the now empty bench where I had left Stephen waiting not just three minutes ago. A strange foreboding feeling spread through my stomach as I squinted in the darkness, trying to see if maybe he was trying to scare me by hiding behind a tree. Finally I concluded that he had probably gotten bored and had gone to wait for me in the Mess Hall.

I sprinted up the steps and yanked open the door to the Mess Hall, letting the rush of air conditioning fall over me. All of the other counselors, minus Stephen, were already crowded around a table, immersed in a game of Apples to Apples. Hailey glanced up from her cards and caught sight of me.

“Hey! You’re just in time! We just started another game. Come sit” she called, patting the empty seat next to her. She pulled the box of cards closer toward her and started counting out cards for me.

“Uh, no. That’s okay. Has anyone seen Stephen though? I-I was just talking to him outside, but I don’t know where he went.” I rambled.

Everyone looked up from the game to face me now, but no one said anything. The foreboding feeling came flooding back in my belly as I tried a different approach.
“Did he, uhm go to the bathroom?” I asked, shoving my hands into my back pockets and rubbing my Blistex tube nervously between my fingers.

Silence greeted me for a long moment, then Jack cleared his throat.
“He --uh, last time I saw him he was outside talking to Anna. He didn’t come in here.” Jack said looking me straight in the eyes.
Anna. She was absent from the table too.
Everyone in the room shifted uncomfortably as I backed out of the room into the night, letting the door slam behind me. I stood with my back pressed against the door, and struggled to keep my emotions in check.

It couldn’t be. We were just talking five minutes ago! He said, no he promised…
On an impulse, instead of heading left toward my cabin, I sprinted to the right, toward the boys side of the camp. I had to see this for myself, this could not be happening. I ran past the bathroom house, the first, second, and pausing at the third, his cabin, slowing down to catch a glimpse of him in a passing window. Not seeing anything I continued on past fourth cabin until I reached the empty fifth cabin. I stopped to catch my breath before creeping closer to the nearest window.

At five foot three, I had to stand on my tiptoes on a fallen tree branch to see inside the window. I took a breath, and hoisted myself up.
The lights were off in the cabin, but I could clearly see Stephen’s long lean frame stretched across the same three beds we had pushed together the previous night. I inhaled sharply as Anna’s equally long lean frame came into view as she leaned over him, pulling of his shirt and pressing her stupid probably-chapped lips to his chest.

Letting that image fall from view, I jumped off the tree branch, and started walking back to my cabin, not even trying to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.

***

“Miss Reese. Miiisss Reeeeese” whispered a soft voice in my ear.
I stirred from my dreamless slumber to a little blonde camper standing beside my bed. She was already dressed and showered, with her wet hair dripping on her shoulders and nametag around her neck.

I squinted against the harsh morning sunlight and sat up. Cold sweat clung to my shoulders, and hair and the rain smelled like rain.
“It’s time to wake up!” the camper said softly. She kneeled down next to me, resting her head on the edge of my bed. “Breakfast is in five minutes, you know” she whispered, when I didn’t respond.

I bolted upright out of bed, and my knees buckled under me at the sudden movement. I grabbed my shower bag from underneath my bed and raced to the shower houses.
Admittedly, my shower was longer than five minutes. Which is why I got stuck with cereal and fruit instead of French toast like the rest of the camp. I clutched my slightly wet bowl as I made my way past the junior counselor boy table, where Anna had made herself
comfortable in the crook of Stephen’s elbow. Her strawberry-blond hair was pulled back into two long graceful pigtails. They shined and slid around her shoulders as if by some outside Venus hair-god was controlling them. I self-consciously touched my own tangled, wet, dark brown hair.

Suddenly, mid-laugh, Anna looked away from the Stephen and whipped her head around, looking straight into my eyes. I jumped back, startled, and felt my cheeks burn with humiliation. I found my campers table and sank down in an empty seat.

All around my I could hear my campers endless chatter about the upcoming talent show.
So technically he cheated on me, I thought as I spooned Cheerio after Cheerio in my mouth. We weren’t dating, but at the same time we were doing coupley things. Making out, going to the movies, hanging out at my house, making out at my house…

“So, you up for some Apples to Apples today? We missed you last night!” said a voice low in my ear. I jumped out of my thoughts and turned to see Hailey crouched down beside my chair.

“Uhhh” I started
“Reese. What else are you gonna do? Mope around all day with that puppy-look on your face?”

I frowned, “What puppy look are you talking about?! My face looks normal!” I said indignantly.
She shook her head. “You look like someone killed your dog, Reese. Mixed with that weird thing you do when you’re upset and your eyes get all big”

“Actually, I was planning on going back to my cabin and catching up on some reading. But I’ll come play your game, if you wish” I said, before loudly slurping my leftover milk to drown out the sound on Anna’s laughter. Hailey nodded and patted me on the shoulder on her way back to her own table.

***

I wedged my chair into the circle around the table with all the other junior counselors, trying my best to join in with their conversations, and interpret their inside jokes.
“I don’t even want to play again” grouched Henry. “This game is stupid. Why can’t we play like Monopoly or something?”

“You only say that because you didn’t get any cards last time! And besides we‘d be here forever if we played Monopoly.” quipped Sean from across the table. Henry rolled his eyes.

I took a deep breath. “Well prepare to be dominated this round. I’m the Queen of Apples to Apples!” I said, catching Hailey’s eye. She slowly grinned at me, flipping her long blonde bangs behind her ears.

The door banged open behind us and I glanced over my shoulder, stopping cold at the sight of Anna and Stephen. His arms were locked around her waist, and we met eyes for a split second before he pulled the door shut again.

I could feel everyone at the table’s eyes on me, as they awkwardly tried to pick back up on previous conversations. Their voices became muted, and distorted, and my stomach twisted into knots. I slid my hands over my ears, resting my elbows on my thighs.
“Reese? Hey!” Hailey called softly, jerking me back into reality.

I blinked several times, trying to get my bearings. Hailey slid me my deck of carefully counted cards, tapping her fingers against mine, trying to meet my eyes. When I finally did, she held at my gaze for a long moment, gesturing for me to take the cards. I did, and she winked encouragingly at me, reassuring me that she had my back.