Chronological Chaos

Emit’s eyes fluttered open and she was met with the sight of her sea green couch, the upper half of her body desperately clinging on to the sofa and her legs dragging on the floor. For once, she was content upon seeing her painted furniture and the decorated canvases that lined the walls. The digital clock read 5:23 P.M. and it occurred to Emit that she was hungry.

She sat back down in front of the television a few minutes later, an unsatisfying peanut butter and jelly sandwich on her plate. Instead of reaching for the remote control to turn on the television, she relished over what she concluded was a dream; a rather bizarre one at that. During her sleep, she had won two plane tickets to Germany, met a beautiful man on the way, nearly died in a place crash, performed on a stage, ended up back in New York City, met another young man who had actually given her his name, and witnessed what she assumed was his demise. And all the while, not much time had seemed to go by.

It was painful to even begin to ponder over what this dream meant, and as soon as Emit finished her revolting sandwich, she retreated to her room and simply stared at the ceiling, wishing that she would have another dream – one that actually made sense, perhaps even one that could become a reality.

~*~

When Emit returned to work the next day, she went straight to her desk and rummaged through the papers on it to find the number she needed to call. The conversation with a representative of the arts department at TIME was straightforward and rather terse; Emit merely needed to set up an exact date, place, and time for the interview for her spread in the magazine. Three weeks would pass by faster than she would expect and if she didn’t place the call now, Emit would have probably forgotten to set up her own interview. It was clear that she could not afford another slip up, so she put bright green sticky-note reminders on her computer screen so that she would not forget. This was the interview that could make or break her career as an artist and Emit would never forgive herself if she let this totally tangible opportunity slip by. When the call ended, she softly placed the phone in its cradle and turned on her computer so that she may begin her work.

As Emit waited for her computer to stop “Welcome”-ing her and take her to her desktop, Gabriel rushed up to her desk and slammed a piece of white copy paper onto its hard metal surface. There were a few short paragraphs that filled up the clean sheet of paper and a neat and fancy signature written in blue ink at the bottom. As she scanned the paper, Gabriel began to fervently convey some sort of exciting news, waving his hands around and bouncing on the balls of his feet. Emit couldn’t decipher what he was saying though, and when her demeanor displayed absolute confusion, Gabriel yanked her from her desk and rushed them back to his office.

“Emit, you wouldn’t believe what I just got!” He snatched the paper away.

“Let’s hear it.” She raised her eyebrows to show her eagerness.

“It’s a letter from Metro Models; the modeling agency I’ve been dying to get signed to. They want to have me do a test photo-shoot to build my portfolio next week- I’m going to be a model Emit!”

Gabriel looked absolutely ecstatic. His face was glowing and his posture was like that of a young child on their way to the biggest amusement park in the universe. Emit looked him over; she had always thought that he could be a model. His russet colored hair and mocha coffee eyes went well with his slightly tanned skin and chiseled face. It was true that many of the women in the workplace found him rather attractive, Emit included, but Emit had always seen Gabriel as a brother rather than a romantic prospect. He just had this easygoing personality that made him the perfect person to go to concerts or on a road trip with, both of which they had done together.

Gabriel had always wanted to be a model and his job at the magazine editing office was only a way to support himself while he got his name out into the modeling world. He’d often mention his dream of modeling for famous fashion designers like Jean Paul Gaultier or Alexander McQueen and how he would love to travel all around the world, getting high on an adrenaline rush every night he would walk down the runway.

“That’s great, Gabe.” Emit tried to make her voice sound as enthusiastic as possible, but there was still a hint of sadness in her voice.

“What’s wrong Emit?” His mien became the complete opposite of what it had been a moment ago and Emit immediately felt guilty.

She didn’t say anything right away though, wondering if it was indeed extremely selfish for her to want Gabriel to stay with her instead living the life he had desired even before they met. She assumed that Gabriel would have to quit his job at the magazine editing office and move to a major city like New York, Los Angeles, or Miami. They had worked together for at least four years, and during that time they had become rather close friends. It seemed like he would be leaving so suddenly and that was something that Emit wasn’t ready for. In truth, Gabriel was one of her only friends left in New London. If he left, the only people she would have for company would be those of her dreams and at the moment, the prospect of seeing them wasn’t very comforting.

“I just – I don’t want you to go Gabe.” She couldn’t say anything else or she would risk sounding even more selfish by explaining why she felt the way she did. In all honesty, she was happy that Gabriel was on the way to reaching his aspirations. She wanted to be as happy for him as he was for her when the news came that her artwork would be published by TIME magazine. She wanted to genuinely convey her congratulations and how proud she was of him, but she just couldn’t do it right then and there.

“I’m sorry Gabe. I am happy for you, really. It’s just –”

“I understand Emit. I promise I’ll come see you all the time when I make it big, but I’m not even there yet. I’ll be around for a little while longer; you don’t have to worry.” The smile on his face made it seem like things would be just fine and that Emit had nothing to worry about. It was serene, reassuring, and uninhibited and Emit let go of the tension in her shoulders.

Gabriel opened his arms and motioned for Emit to embrace him, which she did. They came together to in a friendly hug as Emit looked up at the trendy clock that hung on the wall in Gabriel’s office. It was time for both of them to get back to work, but not before Emit got her point across.

“I really am happy for you Gabe. Congratulations,” Emit said softly. She placed her hand on Gabriel’s shoulder as a smile graced her lips and she looked into his eyes. With that she turned away and made her way back to her desk.

Throughout the day, Emit couldn’t help but be distracted. Her mind was plagued with thoughts about Gabriel’s newfound job, all the peculiar dreams –if they could be called dreams- she was having, and all the people that she had meet in them. She thought of Nicola and his Brooklyn accent and wondered what exactly had happened to him. She thought about the German stranger she had first met when she had her car accident, about the gorgeous stranger that she met on the plane, and how the whole ordeal had unfolded in less than a day. How could a dream so long and detailed last only for a short amount of time? Emit concluded that she had the imagination of an extremely lonely and neglected child and that her mind was unable to contain itself when left uninhibited.

Emit was completely exhausted by the time she was due to go home. She packed a few papers into her red messenger bag and swung it over her shoulder.

“Emit, wait!” Gabriel had his own bag in hand along with his blazer, his glasses messily placed on his face and a rushed aura about him.

“What’s the rush?”

“My photo-shoot is next week Wednesday and the photographer said I could bring someone to make me feel relaxed since it’s my first photo-shoot and all. I’d be really nervous if I had to go all by myself and then I’d end up messing the whole thing up and then they would reconsider signing me to the agency and-”

“Gabe! Just get to the point.” Emit had to laugh at the effect of Gabriel’s giddiness.

Gabriel laughed at his rambling and exhaled. He was so excited that his mind was completely fogged over. “Would you like to accompany to the photo-shoot next week?”

“Sure. I’d love to see you work the camera.” She nudged his arm with her elbow and raised her eyebrows.

He smiled and let out a sigh of relief.

“You didn’t think I would say no, right?”

Gabriel gave a shrug as he looked at Emit sheepishly. “I thought that maybe you’d have plans or something. I didn’t want to impose.”

Emit gave his arm a little slap with the back of her hand as he held the door open for her. She never really had plans anymore, much less on a weekday night, so it was rather odd for someone to think that she actually had a life outside of work. If anything, she would go to the docks or to the ice cream shop once in a while, but rarely did she go out with friends just to have fun.

They walked out of the building and over to the parking lot that was adjacent to the office, unlocking their respective cars and waving goodbye to each other.

Emit sat at the wheel for a few moments, wondering if she should go out to eat since she didn’t have much food at home. She couldn’t possible eat another peanut butter and jelly sandwich so she settled on buying some Chinese takeout for dinner and made a vow to go grocery shopping the next day after work.

A trip to Ming Ling’s Chinese Restaurant and a carton of shrimp fried rice later, Emit found herself sprawled on her couch, eyes transfixed on the television as she watched another episode of Criminal Minds. The images flashed across the screen, but Emit wasn’t anywhere near paying attention. Instead, her mind was somewhere else, lingering on a memory that she thought she had buried deep within the folds of her mind.

Exactly nine days had passed by since fifteen-year-old Emit had spoken to her father. It was rather peculiar that he hadn’t called, considering her birthday was in a week and he usually called in advance to plan out an extravagant birthday. She sat on her bed, clutching her cell phone in her left hand and the house phone in her right. Her phone had only rung to alert her of a text message she received from one of her best friends, Judas, reminding her of their plans for the weekend.

Emit spent the entire day in her room watching television, only going downstairs when her mom called her down for dinner. She would eat in silence, a look of discontent upon her face as her mom watched her slowly eat her food. There wasn’t much her mom could say to cheer her up and anything her mom could have said would have been a complete lie. Things had been quite difficult since Emit’s parents signed away their marriage the year before; Emit had never really gotten used to having only one parent around most of the time.

The day her father left, there were two suitcases and a duffle bag by the door, all of them black to match the mood that Emit was in. She didn’t want to say goodbye and so she didn’t go downstairs; maybe he wouldn’t leave if he didn’t get to see her one last time before he left for a long while. But he had a plane to catch and he couldn’t wait forever, not even for his little girl.

“Emit, angel. Please come down so that I could say goodbye. San Francisco is far away and I won’t see you for a few months. I’m gonna miss you and I wanna say goodbye.”

Emit was angry, infuriated, livid. How dare he go all the way to California and leave her in Hartford, Connecticut. How dare he say that he would miss her when he was the one that was voluntarily taking a one-way trip to the other side of the country. There were tears streaming down her face as she slammed her fist into her bedroom door.

Footsteps sounded on the wooden staircase and she knew that her dad was walking up the stairs. He was going to get his way, he was going to say goodbye, and Emit turned the opposite way to stare out the window. It was nice and sunny outside that day and the trees swaying in the slight breeze seemed to mock Emit’s situation.

“Angel, I have to leave soon,” her father said softly as he opened the door and stepped into the room.

Emit gave no reply as the silent tears continued to steam down her face.

“Emit, my flight leaves in two hours. I just wanna to say goodbye before I go. I promise I’ll call you when I land – in fact, here’s the number to my apartment in San Francisco,” he pulled out a small, crinkled piece of paper from his shirt pocket and gently place it on the nightstand near the door. “Now you have to numbers to reach me by.”

“’Bye,” came Emit’s terse response. She didn’t turn around to look at him, she didn’t beg him to stay; she had convinced herself that she no longer cared that her father was leaving her.

He sighed and took a step closer to her bed. “Don’t make this hard on me Emit. I’m really gonna miss you.”

Emit wanted to scream at him and tell him that this wasn’t just hard on him, that he was the one making it hard on himself. She refrained though, and instead settled on closing her eyes and imagining a perfect world where her parents lived happily ever after. After a few minutes, she heard her father sigh again and turn to leave the room.

“I love you angel.”

The front door opened and closed a few minutes later and Emit watched through her window as her father drove off toward Hartford-Brainard Airport.

Emit finished eating her food and floated back to her room. She had always regretted not saying goodbye to her father that day, but they had gotten over that. The number to his San Francisco apartment was stored in her cell phone and she decided to call it only to be sent to the voicemail. Emit left her message after listening to her father’s voice, longing to hear it in real time.

The physical distance that her father had put between them had created an emotional distance of equal strength. He had always been a good father, a great father even, but after a year of living on opposite sides of the country their relationship had deteriorated. She had visited him once, but her mother had suddenly developed a strong opposition to letting her go after the first time she went. Instead, her mom insisted that he travel to Hartford and find a hotel to stay at while he visited his daughter. He hadn’t visited her in a few months though; he had other ‘business’ things to take care of.

“Honey, why don’t you go to bed? I’m sure he’ll call tomorrow,” Emit’s mother stood by the door after she finished her food and washed the dishes. A look of disapproval clouded her face and it went without saying that Emit’s mother was not too fond of her ex-husband.

“Alright mom.” With a sigh, Emit got up and changed into her pajamas, shutting off her phone in the process. She lay in her bed and stared at the ceiling like she always did when she had nothing to do, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.

However, things didn’t get any better the next day. Emit sat in front of the television most of the morning and afternoon, glancing to the side to check her phone every now and then. It hadn’t rung at all and Emit grew more worried by the second. She turned her attention back to the medium-sized television and watched as the reporter on the news described a horrific plane crash that had killed everyone onboard save for two people who were in critical condition. News like this had always saddened Emit even though she really had nothing to do with it, so she changed the channel to some cartoons that should have kept her entertained for a while.

Just then, the house phone rang and Emit jumped up from the couch to answer it. The caller ID indicated that it was her dad on the other side of the line and Emit snatched the cordless phone out of its cradle, holding it up to her ear as a wide grin stretched across her face.

“Hello?” Emit answered, though she already knew who it was.

“Hello. Can I speak to your mother please?” It was a woman who spoke and Emit was confused beyond comprehension. What was a woman doing at her father’s apartment?

“Who are you? Why are you calling from my dad’s house?”

“This is Jared’s wife and I’d appreciate it if you would give your mother the phone, Emit.” The woman, who was supposedly Emit’s dad’s wife, spoke forcefully though there was a hint of panic in her voice. In the background, a shrill cry sounded and the woman tried to get the source of the noise to stop, cooing that everything was alright.

Annoyed, Emit handed the phone to her mother who was in the kitchen preparing lunch. She went to sit back down in front of the television, but all she could think about was the fact that her father had remarried and hadn't even mentioned that he had started a new family.

“Emit, honey.” Emit’s mother walked into the living room and picked up the remote that Emit had thrown onto the opposite side of the couch, the house phone still trapped in her tight grasp. She changed the television back to the news station as an anxious look overcame her face and she bit her lip. “I have some news,” she whispered so low that Emit had to strain her ear to hear. She looked rather worried and Emit had no interest in finding out what news was making her mother worry so much.

“What is it mom?” Emit racked her mind for any situation that could have such an effect on her mother, but came up short. She turned back to the television to see the wreckage of the plane that had crashed and caught on fire.

“Emit, your father was on that plane,” she pointed to the television. “Honey, he’s gone.”