The Assassin
Cycles of Disillusion
When you die, it happens very quickly. Because of this, there are people who believe that certain deaths are painful. Death is not painful in and of itself, but what people generally call a “painful” death is everything before the actual moments of dying. If you have had the mental training to feel it and understand it, the pain will cause you to be rendered unconscious. My own death happened after a car hit me. The moments leading up to the exact moments of dying were immensely painful, causing me to black out. As soon as the pain ended and death took over, I was calm, pain-free, and at ease.
I watched as that light blue 1960’s bug accelerated towards me, no driver at the wheel to stop it. All I could hear over my heart was my voice and the car engines thundering. My voice cracked as I let out a final scream, “No, this-“ and then I was silenced.
Instant and all consuming pain tore through my being. The pain was so intense that my body cracked under the pressure, seemingly cutting my body in two, then mincing my bones. Three thousand knives cut through my skin, shredding me into bits, needles pricked my muscles. My head throbbed, blood running so fast and hot it turned cold. The pain was so absolute that I became numb. Blood filled my nose, my ears, and my mouth. Metal and heat filled my throat. I was chocking for air, the throttle of the vehicle killing any chance for breath.
Cars screamed forward, pressing on. I was a casualty that meant nothing to anyone. If my muscles could have let me, I would have smiled. Through the numb agony I could feel myself falling. Trees and pavement flashed through my red blinders. The corners of my vision began to blur and turn black.
I knew I was sliding across the pavement because of the sound of tearing flesh. I had collided with the ground and was still alive, though at that moment my lungs collapsed. My thoughts shifted to a morbid joke; what happens to the poor fool if they die in a dream so real it turns solid? If an ambulance arrived soon I might have made it. Sadly, that was not the case as a second car drove over my battered body.
My back spammed as my spine broke by my tailbone. I could no longer hear anything above a constant ringing. I was aware that there was blood in my mouth, yet I could not taste it. I felt only salt in my wounds. My head whipped back and I felt the snap. It shuddered through my body. Blackness coloured my immediate vision, all thoughts stopping with, “Why?”
It was at this point I was dead. My lungs had previously collapsed due to immense force, my ribs cracking into them causing internal bleeding. I was already drowning in my own blood when my neck snapped, severing the upper cervical spinal chord. When this happened, I instantly became unconscious as all of my nerve endings connected to the brain ceased functioning. As my nerve endings stopped functioning, it caused my blood pressure to drop to 0 and my heart stopped. Oxygen could not pass through my already torn lungs to cells and into my heart. If I were at a hospital the ECG machine would be a green line, constantly reminding everyone in the room that I was clinically dead.
When someone is clinically dead there should be nothingness. The brain is no longer functioning, therefore reality as we know it should stop. This just isn’t the case. Numerous reports have shown this to be true. Though, some sceptics believe that a “near death experience” happens during the few moments that a person is regaining consciousness, there are cases that defy this. A woman was pronounced clinically dead so she could undergo brain surgery and after the brain had stopped functioning she came out of her body and saw what was being done to her. After she regained consciousness she told the doctors what she had seen. It was an exact account of what had gone on after her death.
I am one of these cases, except I do not regain consciousness and go on my merry way. I am still dead and will always be dead. There is absolutely no chance that I will ever live again.
Death doesn’t happen right away, it happens in stages. As I previous stated, only trained minds can fully experience these stages. At the time of my death, my mind was attuned to perceive these stages.
All around me was nothing, darkness unlike the void in the factory. This endlessness was so infinite, pure, and ultimate, that nothing could escape it. It was a black hole sucking all matter and light inside it, slowing time to a stop, swallowing life and spitting it out the other side into a bright light of energy.
My body hummed and became thin as the pain evaporated. I knew I was sinking into the black hole, quick sand pulling me in. I was weak, exposed to this greatness before me that I could never understand because it is so beyond comprehension, beyond human understanding that even in death it cannot be tamed. I looked around me and could see the stars and the galaxy, astral waves swimming past me.
The humming turned to dull warmth then ceased. The stars dissolved into smoke, clouding my vision. I felt nothing and heard nothing. There was no sense of pleasure, of anguish, of anger, or of hatred. I was simply being. No thoughts passed through my mind and I could not recall my previous self or those around me.
Within the smoke were fireflies, blinking and drawing me forward. I wanted to join them in their meadow during a warm summer’s night. I wanted to feel a cool breeze on my neck and taste humid air. I wanted to see the stars over head and the moon gazing down upon me as I tried to catch fireflies and put them in a jar. I wanted to be alive again, enjoying everything I used to. And as quickly as that desire surged through me, it turned cold and fell through the void.
The fireflies grew in numbers turning the smoke a flickering yellow. The flickering stopped and became a constant yellow light increasing in brightness. I was moving forward very quickly towards the light until I was back in the waking world. The cars were gone, the figures were gone, and my friend stood over my body. She did not cry. She only observed and walked away. As she observed, I observed and couldn’t draw up a feeling for the sight of my mutilated corpse. The knowledge that this was final and could not be fixed was all I could feel. And with that, I floated into the sky and passed the stars. I floated passed the galaxy and the universe, passed our dimension and into a white light once more.
This light turned a brilliant red, which eventually became black. From there the light became both white and red, but never mixing into pink, and they separated. Everything became clear and I understood. A brilliance of light emerged through their parting, a brilliance that cannot be described for a living person. I knew that this was the end of my journey.
Or so I had thought.
I watched as that light blue 1960’s bug accelerated towards me, no driver at the wheel to stop it. All I could hear over my heart was my voice and the car engines thundering. My voice cracked as I let out a final scream, “No, this-“ and then I was silenced.
Instant and all consuming pain tore through my being. The pain was so intense that my body cracked under the pressure, seemingly cutting my body in two, then mincing my bones. Three thousand knives cut through my skin, shredding me into bits, needles pricked my muscles. My head throbbed, blood running so fast and hot it turned cold. The pain was so absolute that I became numb. Blood filled my nose, my ears, and my mouth. Metal and heat filled my throat. I was chocking for air, the throttle of the vehicle killing any chance for breath.
Cars screamed forward, pressing on. I was a casualty that meant nothing to anyone. If my muscles could have let me, I would have smiled. Through the numb agony I could feel myself falling. Trees and pavement flashed through my red blinders. The corners of my vision began to blur and turn black.
I knew I was sliding across the pavement because of the sound of tearing flesh. I had collided with the ground and was still alive, though at that moment my lungs collapsed. My thoughts shifted to a morbid joke; what happens to the poor fool if they die in a dream so real it turns solid? If an ambulance arrived soon I might have made it. Sadly, that was not the case as a second car drove over my battered body.
My back spammed as my spine broke by my tailbone. I could no longer hear anything above a constant ringing. I was aware that there was blood in my mouth, yet I could not taste it. I felt only salt in my wounds. My head whipped back and I felt the snap. It shuddered through my body. Blackness coloured my immediate vision, all thoughts stopping with, “Why?”
It was at this point I was dead. My lungs had previously collapsed due to immense force, my ribs cracking into them causing internal bleeding. I was already drowning in my own blood when my neck snapped, severing the upper cervical spinal chord. When this happened, I instantly became unconscious as all of my nerve endings connected to the brain ceased functioning. As my nerve endings stopped functioning, it caused my blood pressure to drop to 0 and my heart stopped. Oxygen could not pass through my already torn lungs to cells and into my heart. If I were at a hospital the ECG machine would be a green line, constantly reminding everyone in the room that I was clinically dead.
When someone is clinically dead there should be nothingness. The brain is no longer functioning, therefore reality as we know it should stop. This just isn’t the case. Numerous reports have shown this to be true. Though, some sceptics believe that a “near death experience” happens during the few moments that a person is regaining consciousness, there are cases that defy this. A woman was pronounced clinically dead so she could undergo brain surgery and after the brain had stopped functioning she came out of her body and saw what was being done to her. After she regained consciousness she told the doctors what she had seen. It was an exact account of what had gone on after her death.
I am one of these cases, except I do not regain consciousness and go on my merry way. I am still dead and will always be dead. There is absolutely no chance that I will ever live again.
Death doesn’t happen right away, it happens in stages. As I previous stated, only trained minds can fully experience these stages. At the time of my death, my mind was attuned to perceive these stages.
All around me was nothing, darkness unlike the void in the factory. This endlessness was so infinite, pure, and ultimate, that nothing could escape it. It was a black hole sucking all matter and light inside it, slowing time to a stop, swallowing life and spitting it out the other side into a bright light of energy.
My body hummed and became thin as the pain evaporated. I knew I was sinking into the black hole, quick sand pulling me in. I was weak, exposed to this greatness before me that I could never understand because it is so beyond comprehension, beyond human understanding that even in death it cannot be tamed. I looked around me and could see the stars and the galaxy, astral waves swimming past me.
The humming turned to dull warmth then ceased. The stars dissolved into smoke, clouding my vision. I felt nothing and heard nothing. There was no sense of pleasure, of anguish, of anger, or of hatred. I was simply being. No thoughts passed through my mind and I could not recall my previous self or those around me.
Within the smoke were fireflies, blinking and drawing me forward. I wanted to join them in their meadow during a warm summer’s night. I wanted to feel a cool breeze on my neck and taste humid air. I wanted to see the stars over head and the moon gazing down upon me as I tried to catch fireflies and put them in a jar. I wanted to be alive again, enjoying everything I used to. And as quickly as that desire surged through me, it turned cold and fell through the void.
The fireflies grew in numbers turning the smoke a flickering yellow. The flickering stopped and became a constant yellow light increasing in brightness. I was moving forward very quickly towards the light until I was back in the waking world. The cars were gone, the figures were gone, and my friend stood over my body. She did not cry. She only observed and walked away. As she observed, I observed and couldn’t draw up a feeling for the sight of my mutilated corpse. The knowledge that this was final and could not be fixed was all I could feel. And with that, I floated into the sky and passed the stars. I floated passed the galaxy and the universe, passed our dimension and into a white light once more.
This light turned a brilliant red, which eventually became black. From there the light became both white and red, but never mixing into pink, and they separated. Everything became clear and I understood. A brilliance of light emerged through their parting, a brilliance that cannot be described for a living person. I knew that this was the end of my journey.
Or so I had thought.