Pretty, Ugly Girl

John got home from work to hear an argument occurring in the sitting room, like usual. This wasn't something that he was surprised about returning home to but it was something that he was getting quite tired of. To be honest, he never knew just why there were constant arguments in the house but then again he was hardly home, he realised, which would be why he wouldn't know too much about the arguments that go on. In a way, it was also one of the reasons he wasn't home all that much.

It was a vicious circle as in the ones who wanted him home the most were the ones who were driving him to stay out longer with the way they were acting.

He made sure that he got home just before Mel was due to set the table. That way all he needed to do was sit at the table, eat and then be able to just escape upstairs for the night to his and Mel's room so he could watch the TV in peace without his kids threatening to tear each other apart. As much as he knew he probably should say something to them and try and get them to at least act civil to one another, he knew that there was no way they'd listen to him over something like that.

“For god's sake you two! You're adults and yet you act as if you can't have a civil conversation with each other,” Mel's voice rang out, sounding frustrated and tired in John's opinion. He was making his way down the hallway when she left the sitting room and went into the kitchen. Just as she was about to take the food out from the oven she noticed him. “Table's set and dinner will be dished up in a minute,” she told him to which he nodded at her.

John did love Mel, honestly, but he just didn't act like it at times. He never forgot about his first wife, his kids' mother, but he didn't think about her daily because yes, he did get over her death. He had to so that he could be there for his children. The only thing he wasn't anticipating was the fact that it would be so hard to have four children on his own, three of which were mourning the loss of their mother and the forth not quite knowing what was going on. Nothing would have helped that fact which was why he practically buried his head in the sand with everything about them and just let them get on with their lives. He didn't act like a proper father should, he knows that much, but he excuses himself each time with the fact that he works in order to provide for his children.

He knew that without the money he earned from work there was no way they'd live in the house they were living in now nor would they have the comfortable life they have now. But then again, he thought, they probably wouldn't be like they were now so maybe they would get along much more than they did now. But it wasn't something he could really dwell on because it wasn't like that. It was like it was and there was no going back or changing.

John sat at the end of the table with Mel to his left and then his kids wherever they decided to sit themselves. Today it was Jade sitting next to Mel with Hannah on her left which left Abi to sit to her father's right with Casey and James on her right. Anyone could see that Abi was not a single bit happy with the seating plan but there wasn't anything she could do about it.

Their dinner was eaten in silence with everyone trying to keep their eyes on their own plate and not to look at anyone else. Well everyone except John. He was looking around at the people at the table, just watching them and just thinking.

If he was being completely honest, he couldn't even remember when James got with Casey, let alone how long they've been going out. And he realised that it was a bad thing because he should know just how long they had been going out because, after all, James was becoming a father to her child which would make him a grandfather. The thought didn't bother him as much as he reckoned it should have done.

Though, he realised, that James and Casey must have been going out for sometime because it seemed like Jade completely hated her and because he knew what James is like (or was like, he corrected, he didn't know whether he was still like that) it would mean he would go out of his way to stay with Casey just to annoy Jade. It always worked so in a way, James always won whatever stupid and picky fight he and Jade were having at the time.

John didn't even know why James and Jade were at each other's throats a lot either. Sure he could always remember them two fighting the most when they were children, and he could recall a time when their mother was still alive when Jade pushed James down the stairs and he hit his head on a lunchbox. It didn't do any harm to him and all he had was a bruise on his forehead for a few days. And he did get her back by deliberately shutting the back door on her fingers which had her screaming and crying in pain. Three fingers of hers were purple and black for a few days but no permanent damage was done to them.

He always put it down as normal sibling fighting because he could remember that when Abi was old enough, she would join in with them. There was nothing that he nor their mother could do to stop them doing what they were doing – kids will be kids, like he used to always say to her. And she would agree, smile and then watch as the three of them would continue playing and pushing each other about.

“Stop being so childish you two!” Mel hissed which brought John back from his thoughts. It was obvious she was talking to James and Jade because it wasn't like she was going to be talking to anyone else. “You especially James. For god's sake you're going to be a father soon. Grow up and start acting your age.”

James just pushed away from the table, making his chair almost fall back from the suddenness. “Stop acting like you're our damn mother Mel, because you most certainly are not. Just because you don't have any kids yourself and you're married to our dad doesn't mean it gives you the right to try and boss us about. It's not how it works and never has done,” he seethed out, seemingly pretty pissed off before turning on his heel and stalking out of the sitting room.

Casey used her common sense and followed him out. It was a good thing because Jade would have said things to her that she would mean one hundred percent and feel no regret about saying. Not that she wouldn't say them around James – because she totally would – it's just he always seems to interrupt her or someone else does so she never really gets to insult her like she really wants to.

Jade just rolled her eyes before muttering a “whatever” and continuing with her food. Mel just let out a sigh before continuing with her food. John was about to continue eating his food when he spotted Abi. She was just pushing the food on her plate around and it looked barely even touched. Despite the fact that he didn't pay too much attention to any of his children, he did know that they mostly always ate what was dished up for them at dinner times.

“What wrong with the food Abi?” he asked, gaining not only her attention but Jade and Mel's attention as well. For some reason, whenever someone spoke at the dinner table everyone's attention always went to them. It was just because they were really nosy people and it wouldn't be like them to just not be nosy in that conversation. When Abi didn't answer he tried again, “Why aren't you eating Abi?”

“Since when did you care?” she bit back, not at all in a good mood. There was actually no real reason as to why she wasn't in a good mood, she just wasn't. And now that their father was saying about her not eating wasn't making her mood any better.

After all, since when did he even notice things like that? When did he even care about it? As far as Abi was aware, he didn't. Of course he didn't otherwise he would be home a lot more often then he was and he would make the effort to talk and listen to them rather than go days at times without talking to them and only seeing each other at dinner times. If Abi could remember correctly, the longest she had gone without hearing her father utter a single word was seven whole days. She only saw him at dinner but he didn't talk then so she saw him, yes, but didn't hear him.

Sometimes it bothers her a lot and sometimes it doesn't. Mostly it just depended on how she was feeling on that day and everything.

“I've always cared Abi. Just because I don't show it all the time doesn't mean I don't care,” he told her, not all that pleased with the fact she told him that he didn't care. It wasn't true because he really did care. But just because he did care didn't mean he had to pay attention to them all the time and always be around them. He just couldn’t do that and would much prefer to work than to be home with them and their arguments.

This seemed to piss Abi off a lot because she threw her fork down on her plate and looked really annoyed. “How the fuck does that work?! You don't care because you're never here. You never talk to us and you prefer to work than to spend time with us. Ever since mum died – and that's been almost ten years, thanks for the support dad – you've never even cared about us! You stopped caring when you couldn't deal with the fact that we reminded you so much of her. Sorry, but we didn't ask to look like her neither did we ask for her to die!” Abi exclaimed, tears pricking at her eyes.

It wasn't so much the fact that she was upset that the tears were pricking at her eyes but it was more so the fact that she was so furious at her father for saying that he cared. Never once did it feel like he cared after their mother died. And she could only go on what she felt because that was the thing that was true and she could count on.

She didn't bother to stick around after saying all that. Turning sharply on her heel, she just walked out of the sitting room and up the stairs. That dinner felt like a complete and utter disaster because two of his children had stormed out of the room which left a bad atmosphere in the air until Jade just decided that she couldn't be bothered and left the room too.

Hannah was the only one who stayed at the table and continued eating. No one else said anything and the next person who was off the table was John and instead of heading upstairs like normal, he headed out the house.

This had Mel shaking her head and sighing. Nothing ever seemed to go right for them. Not even a simple dinner. And it wasn't just today she was on about either; many other days it has ended in disaster at dinner. Sometimes she wondered whether it was really worth it and most of the time she thought that it wasn't. But it was the little bit within her (and it was actually a really little bit) that made her continue on because it told her that it was worth it. Maybe it didn't seem like it was now, but it would be. Sometime in the future.

She didn't know when or even how long into the future, but it would all be worth it in the end. All the time and effort she's put into John and his kids. And she wouldn't regret it because it'd have been worth it.