Status: 50,239 words || Completed.

Pretty, Ugly Girl

Take Twenty Seven

“I thought you weren't going to do this.”

“And why did you think that Abi?”

She shrugged but didn't say anything. She didn't know why but there was that feeling and really, it was a normal feeling for her to feel. Tommy guessed that she didn't really know why she thought he wasn't going to do it but it made sense to her. He found it easy to read her body language and her thoughts on her face. She was almost like an open book to him now which he preferred more to how closed off she was when they first met.

Because she wasn't as closed off as before, it had made it easier for him to get to know her and hence like her even more. And really, it helped her get to know him too because whenever she was closed off a lot she never got to know anyone for any reason which meant that she wouldn't have got to know him, thus not doing what they were about to do.

“How was it?” he asked after watching how Abi was just standing around and hugging herself for the past five minutes.

“Difficult,” was all she said.

Tommy pressed on though. “How was it difficult Abi? I thought you didn't know,” he spoke, knowing that questioning her like he was doing right now wasn't going to help with her mood. In fact it would probably put her in an even worse mood but he didn't really care.

Abi sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “It was difficult... like really difficult. I didn't know what I was thinking or what I should be feeling. It felt weird being there because she just didn't belong in the coffin. And the people that were there made it all that worse because Jade didn't like none of them and yet some were crying and it just made it feel that much worse because I didn't feel I was mourning her but rather that I was being pissed off at them,” she found herself ranting, not aware of all the words she was saying.

Tommy listened quietly and with interest as Abi continued to rant about the funeral and her repetition of how it was difficult and that she didn't know what she should be feeling about it all. The repetition showed him that she did, indeed, care for Jade more then she first thought she did. Of course he didn't say anything to her about it because he knew that she would deny it intently because that was just how she was.

Really, he didn't blame her. In fact he actually somewhat admired her and how she managed to keep things to herself and even when people called her out with the truth, she could deny it so smoothly that no one would think that she was lying herself. She was only fifteen too so that made him admire that fact about her a lot more as well.

“How does it work Tommy? I really don't know and I just need to know,” Abi butted into his thoughts, throwing him a little. He collected himself though.

“Why do you need to know?” he questioned so that she didn't have to realise that he wasn't listening to what she had just said.

Abi let out a frustrated sound. “I don't know, I just do. I... I just feel that I need to know,” she explained lamely.

Tommy understood what she meant, even though she wasn't too sure what she did actually mean. “You know, you don't have to know everything like you want to Abi. It's okay not to know and sometimes it is actually better to not know then it is to know.”

She shook her head. “No, I need know. I don't know why nor do I understand it but I just need to know,” she stressed before hesitating for a moment. “Though... I don't even think you'll know it.”

To anyone else their conversation wouldn't have made sense because most of their sentences weren't even finished and some just jumped into a different conversation which would throw most people off. But when people talk like they do, not really personal gossip but more so because they felt they needed to, then it would be less confusing because it's always better to keep it vague. Not only is it easier for the other person to understand (between them, that is) but also so that anyone else who overhears wouldn't be able to tell what their conversation is directly about.

Though at sometimes Abi can find herself struggling to understand the conversation but she never lost track of it nor did she end up having to ask him to talk to her properly. Tommy was more adapted to it then she was so he didn't really get lost in it nor did he struggle with the understanding. And that was a good thing in his opinion.

“Are you sure you still want to do this Abi?”

She nodded, whether she was convincing herself or him, she didn't really know. “I'm sure Tommy, I have to do this. I just... I couldn't not do it, you know? I wouldn't be able to cope and well... I explained the rest before.”

Indeed she did. The day when she didn't go back for dinner was the day that Tommy and her discussed it all and got everything said that they wanted to. It was when she explained all the reasons as to why she needed to do this. Tommy had then suggested that they waited because really, he didn't think she was ready to go ahead with the plan. She was, after all, only fifteen and he knew that she could easily change her mind and that was something that he just couldn't have happen if they did go through with the plan.

She told him that she was going to do it because she needed to and because she wanted to. After getting her to swear down, Tommy accepted that she was serious about it.

And really, that was why they were where they were now.
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My internet's messing up right now and the feeling that I might have to arrange another date with the bucket is creeping upon me. Ugh.