Pretty, Ugly Girl

Hannah stood outside Jade's door nervously. She didn't know whether she should knock or not. As of recently, Jade hadn't been all that sociable with anyone in the family. To be fair, she hadn't ever been that sociable with anyone in the family nor with friends really. But Hannah wanted to talk to her and she figured that now would probably be a good time. At least, for her it would be.

Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door of her sister's room before pressing down on the handle and opening the door, poking her head through the gap she made. A figure sat up quickly on the bed and brought her cardigan around her body closer. Hannah found it weird that her curtains were closed and there was no light on in the room. It was only three in the afternoon.

“What do you want Hannah?” she asked harshly, not at all happy about the fact that her little sister had come in her room and interrupted her from being alone. It was only a Sunday so she could be alone and in the dark.

Jade knew what she was in her room for. To talk about Abi. For some reason that she did not know about, Hannah thought that she actually cared about Abi a real lot so whenever the younger one felt that something was wrong with Abi, she'd try and find her and ramble on about how she was worried about her and everything.

It annoyed her so much because she actually didn't care whether she was worried or not. To be honest, Jade didn't even know why she put up with the talks like she did. She didn't even like Hannah that much. In fact she didn't like any of her family a lot, much like all the others. It was funny how they all thought that.

“I'm worried about Abi,” Hannah told her, stepping forward slightly. She expected to be invited in so that she could talk with her about why she was worried about Abi. With a sigh, Jade did just that. She guessed that she only done it because she was bored and there was nothing else for her to do. Or even, she knew that she would continuously be pestered by Hannah about it until she finally gave in and let her talk with her.

The major downside to her still living at home. But as much as she wanted to move out and away from her family, just couldn't afford it. If she could then she'd be up and away in a heartbeat and never look back on her family again. She could live with the fact that she would never see her father, sisters or brother again. Hell, she could live with the fact that if she moved away she'd never see the kid that James was having. If it was even his kid, that is.

“What are you worried about with her? She's a big girl Hannah; she takes care of herself just like everyone else does, in case that's what you're worried about.” As much as Jade was hoping that was why Hannah was in her room, she knew it wasn't the reason as to why she came in her room. But the reason to why Hannah came into the room would probably be pathetic and stupid, in Jade's opinion, and she'd be forced to listen to it.

She was glad that Hannah never done this about James. She would never let that happen. Ever.

Hannah spoke for a whole twenty minutes about how she was worried about Abi because it didn't seem like she was eating that much and she often went out all day and she wasn't going to school and all she could think about was Abi doing bad things that she shouldn't be doing. Of course it had Jade rolling her eyes because she really did think that Hannah knew about Abi smoking weed but apparently she didn't. Not that it bothered her or anything, but she found it incredible naive of her. How she was related to her was beyond whatever thoughts Jade could even think of.

When Hannah had finished talking, Jade had just told her that it was normal and she would talk to Abi about it and make sure she was being safe and etc. She would never do such a thing but Hannah always believed that she did. It was so fucking stupid of her to believe that, in Jade's opinion, but she was always glad that she did because then it got her off her back and away from her for the time being.

After she sprouted out whatever she needed to do in order to get Hannah to believe her, Jade went about ushering her out the room and shutting the door. However just as she was about to shut the door, Hannah's voice stopped her. “I wish Abi cared about me.” Jade knew that it wasn't something that Hannah had meant for her to hear (though standing outside a bedroom door of someone's who door is slightly still open was almost a guarantee that someone would heard it) but she had heard it.

She waited a little bit for Hannah to walk away before she finally closed the door and turned her light off, sinking back into the dark.

Hannah cared about Abi, it was clear about that. And somewhere, inside her, Jade knew that Hannah also cared about James too. Just from things that she had seen and how Hannah had acted around him. But since her mother's death and the siblings just falling apart, never had she had someone say they cared about her or even had someone act like they cared about her. In fact, she felt like she was the one that no one cared about because really, why would they? Sure, they may have acted like they cared when she miscarried at fifteen but other than that, there was no reason for them to care about her.

She didn't mean anything to them and she knew it. But despite knowing it, she couldn't help but sometimes feel like it wasn't fair. But there wasn't anything she could do about it other than make it so she didn't care. It was a hard thing to do but she managed to do it. Though at times, she felt herself care and that just wasn't something she was okay with.

Then again, Jade was barely even okay herself.