Lost It All

I stood at the door frame, watching Brian pull out of the driveway as he waved me goodbye. I wasn't sure if this decision for me to work things out with him was really the right thing, but deep down I knew he had good intentions. It gave me hope that things would start to look up and that was what I wanted more than anything. It wouldn't be an easy task, but we would get through it... I hope.

I shut the door behind me and walked into the kitchen where my phone was and picked it up, deciding to give Candi a call. I needed some advice and I knew she would be the right person to get it from.

Pulling the phone up to my ear after dialing the familiar number listened to it ring a few times before somebody picked it up.
Zacky was the one to pick it up and I greeted him with a polite hello and asked if Candi was home. He told me to hang on and I heard him yell for my pink haired friend while I waited patiently on the other line. After a few moments she was on the line. We exchanged pleasantries and she asked me what had happened the other night at Johnny’s. I told her everything that happened from the point we got to the bar to this morning when Brian told me he wanted to work things out.

“And what did you say?” she asked almost calmly.

“I told him that, that sounded like a good idea, and that I want to work things out too,” I told her honestly, then waiting on her to explode.

But instead, she laughed. Bitterly, might I add.

“You can’t be serious,” she said right after she stopped laughing and I rolled my eyes, “after everything that mother fucker has put you through, you’re gonna take him back, just like that??”

“I love him, Candi. I want to-“

“Oh please!” she cut me off and I scoffed.

“You can’t tell me that if Zacky ever fucked up, you wouldn’t take him back if he begged you to!”

“Well Zacky didn’t get me pregnant and skip out after shit got bad! Get real, sweetheart, it is not the same thing!” she yelled and I winced at how loud she got. “How do you know he’s not going to hurt you again?”

I didn’t say anything, just stared at the marble counter I sat at.

“I don’t…" I admitted and it sort of scared me, knowing something could possibly go wrong again but I shook the thought away and continued, "but I’m willing to take that risk, Candi. I love him so much, it hurts and he's willing to try and fix things between us so we can go back to the way things used to be... Before I got pregnant."

I heard her sigh on her end and it was quiet until I heard her speak again, "You better make him work for your trust back."

"Are you kidding? I'm not even letting him stay at the house until I trust him again..." I snorted at the thought.

"So what are you gonna do?" She asked and I bit the inside of my cheek as I thought about it.

"I'm not sure yet," I shrugged, though knowing she couldn't see me.

"Well can I make a suggestion?" She inquired.

"Of course, what?" I purse my lips, scooting from the stool I sat on and walking to the fridge for a drink, feeling my throat dry with thirst.

"How do you feel about marriage counseling?" I nearly choked on my water after pulling it to my lips and coughed a little.

"You mean, see some shrink that will just tell us shit we already know about ourselves? Yeah-no."

"It worked for my sister and her husband, plus, according to her, Dr. Nelson is a really great doctor and she helped them a lot." Candi explained but I still made a face.

"Well as appealing as that sounds, Brian wouldn't go for it. He'd probably just wanna fix things on our own," I muttered.

"Don't give him a choice. Tell him if he really wants to work things out with you, then he will go with you to see Dr. Nelson." She told me, "Here, I'll find you her number,"

"But-"

"No buts," she cut me off and I sighed.

After she got me the phone number, we talked a little while longer. She told me she was sorry for getting angry and frustrated and I told her, I understood and probably would have done the same if I was in her shoes. We hung up shortly after and I checked the clock seeing as it was about 3 in the afternoon and decided to take a quick nap before I made dinner.

I made myself comfortable on the couch and fell asleep with hope that Brian and I could finally be happy together again.