Lost It All

Lunch with my friends always seemed to put me in a good mood. Candi showed up to the house with the other girls, Sami; Matt’s girlfriend, Christina; Johnny’s Wife, and Liina; Jimmy’s girlfriend. All of us, including the guys, grew up together so we knew each other backwards and forwards. Sometimes it had its downs, but it’s all okay because I know they’re just looking out for me like I would for them. As we sit at lunch I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to the other day after Candi left. Brian had driven by and if I could recall correctly he drove by staring into the window and when I caught him staring, he drove off, without even a second glance, I’m sure.

My heart broke from the thought but I shook it from my mind because I didn’t want to look completely depressed in front of my girls. I knew that if I were to should any sign of weakness they would get out their picks and torches and chase down whatever seemed to cause my dismay. I loved them for that. But sometimes it got to the point where it got me extremely frustrated and I had to remind them that I can fight my own battles and I don’t need them to pick me up when I fall. It’s just how I am.

“Nadia?” Sami’s voice broke my thoughts, making me blink a few times before looking across the table at the brunette.

“Hmm?” I hum, now giving everybody my full attention.

“You doin’ okay over there?” Liina asks, sitting next to Sami. I nod.

“I’m fine, just in my own little world, I guess.”

“You think too much.” Christina pipes in, “That’s why you get sad so easily.”

“Yeah! So stop thinkin’!” Candi taps me on the head and I give her a playful glare while batting her hands away.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Shut up.” I smirk.

“You know what I’ve realized?” Liina blurts out randomly.

We all shrug. “What?”

“We should have a girl’s night. Just us, Johnny’s Bar, and get totally plastered or something.” She says excitedly.

“Really? Drinking? That’s your solution for everything, Liina.” Says Christina with a roll of her eyes. Christina has always been like the mother figure of the group and I’m not just saying that because she has two kids at home. Even though she’s about a year or so younger than us she’s always been the most mature and kindhearted of us all, whereas Liina can be the livelier one out of us girls, Candi is the one who looks after everybody, same with Sami, and I’m kind of the quiet one.

“I figured Nads could use a drink,” She says with a shrug and giving me a sympathetic look. “So why not?”

“I don’t know,” I shake my head.

“Oh c’mon! You can’t keep yourself locked in the house sulking all the time, Nadia. It’s just for the night. We don't even have to stay out that late, it’s just for a bit, I promise!” Liina whines, giving me her famous puppy dog eyes.

I laugh a little, “You really think that look is going to work on me?”

“Yes I do.” She says proudly. “So what do you say?”

I look between my best friends. All with eager expressions on their faces, and with a sigh I agree, making Liina squeal in excitement.

~_~_~_~_~

“Fucking A, Candi you’re gunna poke my eye out!” I whine as my pink haired friend lines my eyes with black eyeliner.

We all met up at Christina’s before we would go to Johnny’s and I made the poor mistake of letting them dress me. They put me in some purple or periwinkle looking satin top with my blue skinny jeans and a pair of Sami’s light purple shoes. Candi was doing my make up so dark but it made my eyes look bigger than they were. I sort of liked it.

“Pain is beauty, baby.” Candi smirks as she puts away her eyeliner pencil.

“Yeah, we gotta get you lookin’ all sexy for all the single guys tonight.” Liina winks as she puts on her earrings.

I raise an eyebrow. “Um, maybe you’ve forgotten, but Brian and I are still married.” I raise my left hand showing them my engagement ring and wedding band and they all groan.

“Tell him that, then.” Sami grumbles and I frown, resting my hand back in my lap.

“Mommy!” A small shriek coming from Christina’s daughter Jessica as she runs over to Christina, her little brother Evan following soon after.

“Yes, Jessi?” Christina asks, pulling her daughter up on her lap.

“Evan keeps taking my Barbies and putting them in the potty.” She pouts, then earning a few chuckles from us girls as Christina turns to Evan.

“Evan,” Christina says in a warning tone, “Is this true?”

The three year old nods shyly, and Christina sighs. “Apologize to your sister, Evan.” She says sternly.

“Sowwie.” He mutters to Jessica.

“Aunty Nadi!” Jessica then squeals, suddenly forgetting about the incident earlier and runs up to me, putting her tiny hands on my stomach. “When is baby Lily coming?”

A small gasp is heard and my mouth drops. She complete caught me off guard and before I knew it, Christina picks up Jessica and walks her downstairs, all while the six year old asks “What’s wrong? What did I do?”

I breathe a shaky breath, sucking in my lip to try and hold back any kind of cry in the back of my throat as tears threaten to spill. So much had gone on today and I actually kind of forgotten about the whole baby incident until Jessica said that. I move a hand to my stomach and see as Sami comes and sits in front of me.

“Hey, don’t get upset, she’s only six she didn’t know.” She rubs my arms, a sad smile on her face.

“I-I know, it just kinda caught me by surprise.” I laugh dryly, putting on my best fake smile as Christina comes walking back into the room.

“I’m so sorry, Nadia, I-“

“It’s fine, Chris, don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” She comes up next to me and I nod, still smiling as best as I could.

“Really it’s fine.” I reassure her, and she nods, hugging me tightly.

“Well hey,” Liina then pipes in, “Let’s go get drunk.”

We all laugh, grabbing our purses and leaving Christina’s and go off to Johnny’s Bar.

Once we got there the night seemed to get a little better. We sat in one of the booths in the back with our selected alcoholic beverages and sat around, just talking. By around 11ish I was on my third drink and I was feeling pretty good. I hadn’t had a drink since I had found out I was pregnant and that was almost a year ago, but it seemed to leave me just a little queasy. Nothing too major, it was just the fact that I haven’t had a drink in so long. I wasn’t used to it.

“Let’s go dance, babes!” Liina exclaims as she and Sami tug on my arm to pull me out of the booth, not giving me the chance to answer before they do.

We make it out to the dance floor and start swaying our hips to the music, drinks in hand and absolutely not a care in the world at the moment. Soon as we’re dancing with each other, grinding to the current tune on the juke box, I happen to notice a familiar figure sitting at the bar. I squint my eyes, a little as I dance and recognize the spikey brown haired man as my husband, drinking a beer and flirting with some big chested brunette whore.

In that moment it feels like my heart stops. Is that what he’s been doing since he’s been gone? Seeing other women while I was at our home, waiting for him to come back?

I feel a stab in my heart seeing as the woman leans into his ear, whisper something into his ear and his signature smirk crawls on his lips. The bastard. That fucking bastard!

Without a word I storm off the dance floor, leaving Sami and Liina dancing, and I grab my jacket off the table we all shared, letting Candi and Christina know that I’m going home and leave. As I walk through the tons of people, I sudden bump shoulders with somebody, and turn my head to see who I’ve hit, only to find that it’s Brian, holding hands with the brunette bitch.

I scowl, as his eyes widen, and just continue my way out of the bar and down the sidewalk. I hear his foot steps behind me while he calls my name, but I don’t give him the time of day. I won’t.

“Nadia please! Stop!” He shouts, grabbing on to my arm and in response I whip around, and collide my hand right across his face with a loud SMACK! He stumbles back holding his cheek as he looks at me in horror. Tears are streaming down my face as I glare at him and I don’t say anything as I leave him standing there on the sidewalk.