It Should've Been Me Instead Of Him

Julie.

I peeked into John's bedroom and once I saw his sleeping body still on the bed, I got inside. I freed my hands from a glass of milk and a basin of cold water, putting those things on the nightstands before taking a seat on the edge of the bed. I put my hand on his forehead, feeling the temperature of him. He was getting fever. I then watched his eyes fluttered open once I put a wet towel on his forehead, trying to make his temperature decrease.

As his eyes caught me sitting on the edge of the bed, he widened his eyes and tried to sit upright. He looked shock about my appearance this time while I just gave him the sweetest smile I could. I felt terrible about last night. I felt guilty. If I wasn't crying, Zack would never punch him on the face and his lips would never be swollen like this.

"Good morning, John." I greeted while he remained staring at me, making me feel awkward. "Look, I bring you a glass of milk. I wish it could help to shoo your fever away and I hope you won't mind if I compress your.."

I motioned to his swollen lips and he just nodded without saying anything. At first, he grimaced in pain. But it didn't matter as I kept trying to be more gently about compressing his lips. "I hurt you so bad, didn't I?" He suddenly said and his words made me stop my activity. I noticed his gaze and it looked straight at my wrist. I had bruises on it which caused by him when he gripped it hard last night. "I'm sorry."

"It was nothing." I looked down to my lap before distracting my gaze to the glass of milk on the nightstands. "You better drink the milk before it gets cold." When I was about to take the glass of milk from the nightstands, he grabbed my painful wrist, causing me to groan. "What the hell, John?"

"It wasn't nothing then." He faked a chuckle before looked straight into my eyes. His perfect green eyes successfully made me melt down. Moreover when he took my hand and gave a gently peck on the bruises I had. "Listen, I'm sorry about this. I really am. I know I'm such an asshole because I hurt you. I always try to protect you even though I'm just- well, I'm nothing for you. You're right about...you're not my responsibility. You're just your own and Zack's-"

"Shh.." I cut him off, putting my pointed finger on his lips. He looked down to his lap. "You're not an asshole." I rolled my eyes but smiling once he looked back at me, looking straight into my eyes. "You're just my best friend who always know about what you should do to handle me. I know I'm childish but I'm so thankful because God gives me a John like you." I hugged him tight and tears shed from my eyes because of beaming.

"No need to cry," he whispered sofly, rubbing my back to soothe me. "Alex will probably judge that I can't take care of you because I always caused you to shed so much tears almost every day." He pulled away, wiping my tears with his thumbs.

"That's the point." I smiled at him before feeling his hand pinch my cheek. "I'm being your responsibility because Alex told you to take care of me."



While I put my makeup on, I heard John was talking to someone downstairs. Well, I got curious about who it was - because I hadn't even know if John had a close friend besides my best friends, Luna and Cam - but I was in a rush. I had appointment for a dinner with Zack tonight and he'd pick me up at 7. It was 6.45 already, so yeah.. I didn't want to waste the time.

"Is it such one of memories you had in your life?" I heard an unfamiliar voice as I went downstairs. I then stepped into the lounge and found John with a boy.

John was strumming his guitar. I might haven't been wrong, it was If I Let You Go from Westlife, one of my favorite songs. He turned to face me as he smiled. Soon he got up from his seat, handing his guitar to the boy then pulled my wrist, bringing me to sit next to him. "You know what? This was one of my favorite songs, John!" I exclaimed. I expected he showed a wide smile but instead, his stare turned blank all of a sudden. "What's up? You okay?" I heard my voice sounded so worried just like what I felt right now. Finding his facial expression changed all of a sudden always successfully made me feel like it was all my fault.

He cleared his throat then force a smile. I knew obviously it wasn't a pure smile. "Oh Julie.. This is my buddy, Tom. And Tom, this is my-" He suddenly changed the topic as he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly before his face turned red. "This is Julie."

"Hey, Julie." Tom greeted me as he smiled and waved his hand.

"Hey Tom," I did the same as him.

"Well, that was my favorite too." Tom suddenly said, distracting John's gaze from me to him. "John has successfully taught me to play that song. Wanna hear me play?"

"Uh.. My pleasure." I grinned widely. As Tom started strumming the guitar, suddenly my phone rang. It was a call from Zack. Of course, it was obvious that he was in the driveway already. I didn't pick the call but getting up from my seat. "Well, I have to go now. Maybe I'll hear you play next time, right?" I winked at Tom and he just nodded. Slowly but surely I bent down to give John a friendly hug and kiss his cheek after he hugged back. I was kinda nervous about that for real but I knew John was my best friend so I supposed it wouldn’t matter. "Bye guys!"

I turned back one last time before stepping out of the doorway. I saw Tom still looking at me and smiled once he saw me turned back. But John had never turned to face me. He just kept looking down to his lap and fiddled with his fingers. Whatever happened to him....