I'm Not Insane

It was strange how something as inconsequential as a letter in the mail could royally fuck a person’s plans up.

Not to mention, it was strange that said plans all involved a man Matt had never even met until six months ago. Plans said man knew nothing about.

And it was difficult to forget how strange it was that all of these plans involving a man he honestly barely knew were not the kind that one would make with his housemate, his friend, or even his brother.

No, most of the thoughts that ran through Matt’s head these days were not of a platonic nature, and that was probably what freaked him out the most.

“Letter from a crazy ex-girlfriend?”

Matt looked up from the pile of mail on the table, on top of which the offending piece of paper was sitting, and shook his head. “No, why?”

Brian shrugged and turned back to the sink, pulling a plate out of the water and starting to dry it as he faced Matt again. “I don’t know, you look unimpressed.” He had taken to wearing long sleeves a majority of the time to help hide the scars on his arms and wrist, but at the moment they were pushed up to his elbows. The marks were still horribly obvious, white and slightly raised. Matt felt the familiar pang of sadness that made itself present whenever something reminded him of what they - Brian, especially - had gone through. “Any dishes in the living room?” Brian asked, either oblivious to Matt's staring, or choosing to ignore it.

“Nope. There is a dishwasher, you know.” Matt had already lost count of how many times he had told Brian he didn’t need to worry about washing dishes, or vacuuming the living room, or anything of the sort. But his reply was always the same, and it seemed today would be no different.

“I need to make myself useful.”

“If anyone deserves to sit around and be a lazy ass all day long, it would be you.” Matt tried a new tactic. “Not to mention, it kinda makes you seem like the woman of the house.”

“Oh, I’m used to being the woman.” Brian said nonchalantly, before realizing what he had just said and turning a brilliant shade of red.

At the same time, Matt was doing his very, very best to push the sudden flood of images that comment had brought on out of his mind. “Uhmm...right.”

“I meant, you know, doing housework. Not that...even though sometimes I don’t mind -” Brian managed to stop his rambling. “Well, never mind.”

Over the last six months, living with an openly gay person had not helped Matt in trying to ignore his own conflicting thoughts and emotions, ones that had made themselves obvious after he had kissed Brian at the hospital. It wasn’t that Brian often made things awkward or uncomfortable - on the contrary, in almost every sense he was like any other roommate Matt had had in the past. He had picked up a job at a guitar repair shop within a month of moving in, managed to pay his share of the bills, and stayed in the spare bedroom. The only difference was that he never brought girls home, and wasn’t one for going out on the weekends. Not that Matt minded either of those things. Ever since he had gotten out of Dr. Baker’s hospital, he never felt like doing those things either.

Little slip-ups like what had just happened, though, made life infinitely more difficult. It was a shame that Brian had to be so good-looking - Matt had finally allowed himself to think that - not to mention kind, and helpful, and in general, an all-around good guy.

Why couldn’t I have had an ugly bitch of a crazy roommate? Matt thought frustratedly, before noticing how uncomfortable Brian looked, still holding the plate in one hand. “Sorry man, that was really fucking...well, gay.” He laughed a little, sounding nervous, and scratched the back of his neck.

Matt shook his head a little. “Don’t worry about it.”

There was a period of awkward silence, which seemed to last much longer than the few seconds it probably was, before Brian cleared his throat. “So, if it’s not from an ex, what is that letter?”

Having completely forgotten about that, Matt picked it up and sighed. “Since I “successfully passed” my “psychological well-being” program, I’m going to be reinstated into my unit. And they want to have a welcome back banquet typed thing, next week.”

Brian smiled at him, something that made Matt’s stomach flutter more often than not these days. “That’s great! Took them long enough, but better late than never, I guess. I know how badly you’ve been wanting to get back to your army stuff. Congratulations!”

Matt forced a grin. “Yeah, my army stuff. Can’t wait.”

In all honesty, he had been dreading this letter - something he thought would never happen. For the last ten years his life had revolved around the military, and that was exactly what he had wanted.

Meeting Brian had changed that, drastically. He knew all too well how the majority of military personnel took to homosexuals. Or rather, the fact that they didn’t.

Brian didn’t seem to notice his discontent and continued talking. “So, unless you’ve got some other girl in mind, you should ask Val to go as your date. I don’t know how you couldn’t notice, but if you haven’t, she’s pretty crazy about you.”

Ah yes, Val. The one other person from the hospital that Matt and Brian ever associated with anymore. Matt would even go so far as to call her a good friend. And Brian was right; she was crazy about him, and it was obvious. Too bad he hadn’t met her a few years earlier...now, it was pretty safe to say he wasn’t interested. “Yeah...I’ve noticed. And I’ll ask her to come, but you can come too, you know?” he continued quickly to cover his tracks. “If it’s a party for me, I can invite as many people as I want, right?”

“You want me to come?” Brian seemed genuinely surprised.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I want my best friend there with me?” He spoke the words before he could stop himself, but he supposed they were as close to the truth as he was willing to say out loud. Brian had become his best friend if nothing else - yet - seeing as he really hadn’t spoken to many of his old friends after the media uproar of the hospital had died down. They had carried on with life without him while he was locked up, and it seemed things were going to continue that way even though he was a free man again.

Brian was grinning again, and Matt couldn’t help but smile himself. “Well, if you want me there, I wouldn’t miss it!”

“Sounds good, I’ll call Val later, and some other people too.” Matt said, knowing very well that he wouldn’t be calling anyone else besides their mutual friend.

“Cool.” Brian moved to put the dried dishes away, before pausing and turning back around. He was still beaming. “Best friend, huh?”

Matt nodded, deciding one more little white lie wouldn’t hurt. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”