Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,

You know what I just realized? It's not exactly a diary since it's being put in a public place. But I'm just going to assume that none of you know me, and I don't know all of you. (If anyone's even reading this).

But just for security's sake, I'm not going to really tell anything about me...which is odd because that's what I'm supposed to be doing.

But anyhow, I had an okay day today. Nothing interesting happened. I did however finish "The Lost Symbol", by Dan Brown yesterday. It's a really good book and I'd recommend it to anyone who likes to think while reading books.

I'm not sure if that sounded weird or not.

I hardly thought about him today, for safety purposes we'll just call him "Sir" since that's the nick name me and my best friend have for him. That and others, but those aren't important right now.

Nonexistant Reader. You ask who Sir is? Well since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you.

I met Sir in my sophomore year (last year). We had a rough start but it turned out okay seeing as we became best friends within two months.

I must say, that was an error of judgement on my part. I really should not have done that. Sometimes, I imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't accepted his apology and kept a grudge against him.

Some would say that I wouldn't have been as happy, although others would say that I would be happy now.

He's been a source of stress since February 7th, 2011. In fact, I've gotten three white hairs since then. THREE. WHITE. I'M 15. THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING.

But I guess I'm not being fair, after all, he's not the only source of stress. But we'll get to those later, since I'm trying as hard as I can to keep a focused mind.

I've always said that boys and girls could be best friends, no problem. And I stuck by it for three months back when I was still "best friends" with Sir. The funny thing is, everyone asked if we were going out, and I'd always reply No we we're just friends. It was so annoying, why can't guys and girls be friends without romance getting in the way. And plus, he had a girlfriend at the time. And I wasn't interested in being a love sick fool anymore.

That changed in January when we hung out and he tried to kiss me.

Key word: tried.

We were just kidding around, I know we were. But that just changed something for me. I don't know why, I don't know if I'd just been denying that little part of me that had already fallen in love with the kind, sweet, funny, sensitive guy that was my best friend. But something changed...for me at least.

But I pretended that nothing changed of course. After all, how could I tell him that I liked him. Especially when he used to like me. But of course, he had already stopped. So I couldn't possibly tell him.

But then he decided that he wasn't going to be my friend anymore. And his timing couldn't have been worse, my grandpa had just died and my entire family was in turmoil and I needed someone to lean on.

Unfortunately, the person I'd chosen to lean on disappeared out from under me.

The reason why that's an awkward choice of words will become apparent later on, in another entry.

This silence continued on for months. From February to April. There was a week when he decided that I was "worthy" (I'm just kidding, I have no idea why he decided to talk to me again) to be talked to, but then it was back to silence until May.

On May 17th (around there somewhere) he decided he wanted to talk to me again.

And me, being the fool that I am, was happy. Happier than I could have ever been. Ever.

And then on May 20th, he decided he wanted to come over to my house, and we hooked up.

No, we did not go far.

Yes, he was my first kiss.

And then afterwards, he said he felt awkward and said that we shouldn't do that again.

Well wasn't I heartbroken.

Nah, I'm just kidding I wasn't really heartbroken, in fact, I was feeling weird about it to and couldn't have been gladder that he decided that.

That of course, changed later on.

And then the summer came and for a week in June we talked and made plans to hook up again but he never came through with them so it never happened. And then we didn't talk for two months.

There went the summer.

And then September started and I was at a new school while he was at my old one.

I visited almost every week and -

Okay my mom's yelling so I have to go.

I'll finish tomorrow.

Bye non-existant reader!