Status: Complete
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Mr. Rogers Is Gonna Rape And Plunder Your Mother!
Billie Joe Armstrong was bored. As he usually is. He went downstairs and looked at the clock. It was YOUR MOM a.m. "Wow!" said Billie. "I have loads of time before I go ice skating with Mark Hoppus!" Billie and Mark have been BFFs since the ages 6 and 4 quarters. So technically 7. Also Billie is like 10 years older than Mark, I think...but who was counting? Billie was, and he didn't graduate high school, so....
Billie needed something to do. He went in the family room and saw his 15-year-old son, Joey, watching Mr. Rogers. "Why are you watching this gay-tarded TV show?" asked Billie.
"Because Teletubbies was on commercial break."
"Ah. That sucks."
So Billie sat down and watched Mr. Rogers with his 15-year-old son, Joey. A few minutes later, he decided to brew himself a fresh cup of vodka. But while he was in the kitchen, he heard a scream. Billie ran into the family room, a plastic fork as his only weapn, to find Joey behind the couch in a fetal position. Billie Joe was confused. "What's wrong Joey?"
"MR. ROGERS JUST THREATENED TO KILL ME!!"
Billie Joe became even more confused. He looked at the TV. It was Mr. Rogers putting on clothes (whoah, that sounded kinky), and singing, "Would you be....could you be...my neighbor?"
"Joey, are you on some kind of drug you aren't telling me about?" asked Billie.
"No!" said Joey. "Mr. Rogers SERIOUSLY tried to kill me."
Billie Joe just nodded and sent Joey up to bed. "Stupid children," he laughed. "Mr. Rogers isn't evil. See? I'm gonna sit down and watch him right now." And that he did.
THE END
PS Then Billie almost died. Don't watch Mr. Rogers.
Billie needed something to do. He went in the family room and saw his 15-year-old son, Joey, watching Mr. Rogers. "Why are you watching this gay-tarded TV show?" asked Billie.
"Because Teletubbies was on commercial break."
"Ah. That sucks."
So Billie sat down and watched Mr. Rogers with his 15-year-old son, Joey. A few minutes later, he decided to brew himself a fresh cup of vodka. But while he was in the kitchen, he heard a scream. Billie ran into the family room, a plastic fork as his only weapn, to find Joey behind the couch in a fetal position. Billie Joe was confused. "What's wrong Joey?"
"MR. ROGERS JUST THREATENED TO KILL ME!!"
Billie Joe became even more confused. He looked at the TV. It was Mr. Rogers putting on clothes (whoah, that sounded kinky), and singing, "Would you be....could you be...my neighbor?"
"Joey, are you on some kind of drug you aren't telling me about?" asked Billie.
"No!" said Joey. "Mr. Rogers SERIOUSLY tried to kill me."
Billie Joe just nodded and sent Joey up to bed. "Stupid children," he laughed. "Mr. Rogers isn't evil. See? I'm gonna sit down and watch him right now." And that he did.
THE END
PS Then Billie almost died. Don't watch Mr. Rogers.
♠ ♠ ♠
This story is dedicated to my brother Bentley, because he's the one who said, "Hey, you know what would be weird? If Mr. Rogers went around killing people." So yeah. This is for you.Billie Joe Armstrong is amazing. Joey Armstrong is amazing. RIP Mr. Rogers. Even though it doesn't seem like it, I love all you guys.