The Randomest Collection of Stories about Pretty Much Anything You Can Create a Story About

OK. This poem is about...wait wait, this is not a poem. This is a...fantasy maybe? Anyway. One day in study hall, everything was normal. 'The Roach' (our study hall monitor's nickname) was sitting. Clara was talking/questioning what 'The Roach' said, Tyler was wearing mismtahced clothes, Megan was working, and Alyssa was doing something educational. Summer was...erased something. I couldn't see because her sweatshirt was in the way. This is where it becomes a fantasy. 'The Roach' announced she was done with attendance, and Noah stood up and immediately turned into... KURT HOPPUS! Yes. A cross between Kurt Kobain (or is it with a 'C?') (Summer: Yeah, it's a 'C' Alyssa... FAIL xD ) and Mark Hoppus. Then Kurt Hoppus, NO! An evil mutt of Kurt Hoppus, went to get a tissue from the empty box, so 'THE ROACH' STOOD UP! AND TURNED INTO BILLIE JOE DIRNT!! Oh my God...a FAT Billie Joe Dirnt! Then an eighth grader, Zelpha, stood up and turned into a rabid squirrel. Ands that rabid squirrel started cussing and killing people. So, it was up to Kurt Hoppus and Billie Joe Dirnt to save the screaming, bloody study hall. But the rabid squirrel then snuck up on the two and...no no. That is not what happened. Billie Joe Dirnt pulled his shotgun he had miracously picked up from a hobo earlier that morning. He shot the squirrel, but ducked out of the way, so some dude in a football jersey, number 5 I think, took the blow. Wait for it, wait for it... Boom. He exploded. No! That did not happen. Wait, yes it did. The rabid squirrel was still to be stopped! There was foam, so much foam, dripping exiting the closure of the squirrel's moist lips (Summer: WTF...?) Ok. TMI. Then, Kurt Hoppus stole Billie's shot gun, and fired it thrice. By now, the squirrel was a bit woozy, considering he had just finished two self-brewed mugs of Vodka. The rabid squirrel gave up. He took two out of three bullets, 'til he lay dead on the floor. But, the third shot...hit Clara. NO! Nevermind. Clara actually did a triple back handspring away from the madness, but crashed into the water fountain. Then water spurted everywhere, diffusing the bullet bomb (Summer: There was a bullet bomb?) A total of 2.32 x 10 to-the-fifth-power kids had died in study hall that day (Are there really that many?) Well, that's how Kurt Hoppus and Billie Joe Dirnt randomly sort-of saved the study hall. Sort of.