Status: Complete
The Randomest Collection of Stories about Pretty Much Anything You Can Create a Story About
CHAPTER EXOTIC ANIMALS ON THE LOOSE!
*Sorry if this offended anyone, because it was sad, but I am not making fun of it. This will be hilarious. I'm sorry, but it will.
It was a beautiful Wednesday morning, and Terry Thompson's 5-yr-old grandchildren were visting. Even though they were supposed to be at shcool. Tommy and Gina had mainly come to see their granparents' 16 endangered Bengal tigers (out of 40 left in the world - seriously), a snow monkey which carried a dangerous-to-humans disease, 3 leopards, a babboon, some assorted bears and other monkeys, and the carnivorous manatee hidden underground that no on eknew about. Terry didn't know about it. Even though he fed every day. How is that... exactly. So, after the somewhat long drive to Zanesville, the toddlers parked their car, and hopped out (yes, it was one of those car-carts little kids ride in @ Kroger). But, to their horror, their beloved grampsy had fallen, and couldn't up! There was only one thing to do, and it's name was LIFE ALERT. But it was too late. They quietly, softly pressed the button anyways. Then they heard whirring coming from the cages. The animals wanted out. The two kids set to action. They pulled their sleeves down, so they wouldn't leave fingerprints. They were immune to th animals' sharp teeth, thank to their unicorn pixie-dust.
They called out help to Billie Joe the Unicorn, who along with hippopotamuses and puffins that give you anneurysms, wasone of the many weird creatures expierence during Cross Country season. The toddlers didn't know that in real life, the unicorn was an even MORE eviller version of Voldemort from Harry Potter! They also didn't know that in REAL real life, they were just on crack and this was all a dream (don't believe everything you see in the news, people). But THAT fact has nothing to do w/ the story.
So anyway, Billie Joe The Unicorn came flying down from the place most know as the rip-off of Dragon Land, which was Pixie Hollow, which, in reality, was the Enchanted Forest. You know. The one with Flea, and Winnie the Pooh, and Mark Hoppus stabbing dragons in the heart? Yeah. That place.
Billie flew down and started singing a song. It was Beheaded by the Offspring. Look it up if you don't know it. It's quite violent. Then, he let all the animals out of their cages. That babboon, or rabid monkey, or whatever the hell kind of animal that that disease (I'm too lazy to check), came out and killed BJ. And he got trampled.
ANYWAY...
They heard sirens in the distance, warning them to hurry up. They had two to go...two. Tommy easily opened the show monkey's cage, but Gina fumbled with the last lock. The sirens got louder. And louder. They could see the light. Pixie dust was their last refuge. The last tiger emerged, and Tommy adn Gina scrambled to get out. They decided with the carnivorous manatee would be the safest place.
While wondering why their names were Tommy and Gina, because they were basically evil and not NEARLY cool enough to be named after a Bon Jovi song (kinda), they got in a time machine adn went back to the slave fighting arena place in Rome because that was the safest place ever. They watched as Justin Bieber was stabbed to death by Rebecca Black with a plastic fork, but then she exploded randomly. Beheaded by the offspring started playing again (I forgot how awesome that song was) and then Metallica came out in chains (me: BWAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHA!!!! FCK YOU!!!) kinda like in Star Wars 2, but they weren't eating fact before they came out.
...Or WERE THEY?
You know waht? This story has taken a terrible turn. Actually, not terrible. Just violent.
Anyway, Metallica (BOOOOO! YOU SUCK!!!) was chained to poles like in Star Wars 2, and then a carnviorous manatee, a two-nicorn, a desert cantaloupe, and YOUR MOM came out and suddenly everyone exploded; Metallica, the things just mentioned, the audience, Jabba The Hutt, and Tommy and Gina. They all exploded. And died. And then Rome was a barren wasteland, like Tattooine, but not as cool as Tattooine. And so ended the Roman Empire or whatever the hell we're learning about in social studies.
THE END
It was a beautiful Wednesday morning, and Terry Thompson's 5-yr-old grandchildren were visting. Even though they were supposed to be at shcool. Tommy and Gina had mainly come to see their granparents' 16 endangered Bengal tigers (out of 40 left in the world - seriously), a snow monkey which carried a dangerous-to-humans disease, 3 leopards, a babboon, some assorted bears and other monkeys, and the carnivorous manatee hidden underground that no on eknew about. Terry didn't know about it. Even though he fed every day. How is that... exactly. So, after the somewhat long drive to Zanesville, the toddlers parked their car, and hopped out (yes, it was one of those car-carts little kids ride in @ Kroger). But, to their horror, their beloved grampsy had fallen, and couldn't up! There was only one thing to do, and it's name was LIFE ALERT. But it was too late. They quietly, softly pressed the button anyways. Then they heard whirring coming from the cages. The animals wanted out. The two kids set to action. They pulled their sleeves down, so they wouldn't leave fingerprints. They were immune to th animals' sharp teeth, thank to their unicorn pixie-dust.
They called out help to Billie Joe the Unicorn, who along with hippopotamuses and puffins that give you anneurysms, wasone of the many weird creatures expierence during Cross Country season. The toddlers didn't know that in real life, the unicorn was an even MORE eviller version of Voldemort from Harry Potter! They also didn't know that in REAL real life, they were just on crack and this was all a dream (don't believe everything you see in the news, people). But THAT fact has nothing to do w/ the story.
So anyway, Billie Joe The Unicorn came flying down from the place most know as the rip-off of Dragon Land, which was Pixie Hollow, which, in reality, was the Enchanted Forest. You know. The one with Flea, and Winnie the Pooh, and Mark Hoppus stabbing dragons in the heart? Yeah. That place.
Billie flew down and started singing a song. It was Beheaded by the Offspring. Look it up if you don't know it. It's quite violent. Then, he let all the animals out of their cages. That babboon, or rabid monkey, or whatever the hell kind of animal that that disease (I'm too lazy to check), came out and killed BJ. And he got trampled.
ANYWAY...
They heard sirens in the distance, warning them to hurry up. They had two to go...two. Tommy easily opened the show monkey's cage, but Gina fumbled with the last lock. The sirens got louder. And louder. They could see the light. Pixie dust was their last refuge. The last tiger emerged, and Tommy adn Gina scrambled to get out. They decided with the carnivorous manatee would be the safest place.
While wondering why their names were Tommy and Gina, because they were basically evil and not NEARLY cool enough to be named after a Bon Jovi song (kinda), they got in a time machine adn went back to the slave fighting arena place in Rome because that was the safest place ever. They watched as Justin Bieber was stabbed to death by Rebecca Black with a plastic fork, but then she exploded randomly. Beheaded by the offspring started playing again (I forgot how awesome that song was) and then Metallica came out in chains (me: BWAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHA!!!! FCK YOU!!!) kinda like in Star Wars 2, but they weren't eating fact before they came out.
...Or WERE THEY?
You know waht? This story has taken a terrible turn. Actually, not terrible. Just violent.
Anyway, Metallica (BOOOOO! YOU SUCK!!!) was chained to poles like in Star Wars 2, and then a carnviorous manatee, a two-nicorn, a desert cantaloupe, and YOUR MOM came out and suddenly everyone exploded; Metallica, the things just mentioned, the audience, Jabba The Hutt, and Tommy and Gina. They all exploded. And died. And then Rome was a barren wasteland, like Tattooine, but not as cool as Tattooine. And so ended the Roman Empire or whatever the hell we're learning about in social studies.
THE END
♠ ♠ ♠
Co-written by me and Alyssa.I hate Metallica. I'm sorry, but I do.