Status: In Progress

Breakable Me

Chapter Three

“I was intoxicated by his presence. I was trapped as quickly as that. From the first night of college, I wanted him, and that feeling didn’t stop no matter what he did. Those chills down my back, the effect his eyes had on me, it only got worse.” I paused as I looked around the room, everyone avoided eye contact with me except Joan, but her eyes were as encouraging as ever. “Sometimes I try to think when I could have prevented it all from happening. I could have said no to his request, but I didn’t even know my way back. I felt like he was my only option, even from the beginning.”


The blaring music, the smell of smoke, and extremely loud people screaming for no reason was now fading as we kept walking. “Thank you,” I said softly as we continued back toward main campus.

“Don’t thank me yet, you haven’t made it back to your dorm.” Nolan taunted.

I giggled at his comment. “So how did you end up at that party? I never asked you.”

Nolan sighed. “My brother is practically a legend at that frat; he graduated a year ago, and they still idolize him.”

“So you’re going to rush then?” I was just starting to understand the terminology, Bryan was explaining it to me on the way to the party.

He shook his head furiously. “No, no, everyone knows I’m nothing like my brother. The straight A popular kid that brought home the girl next door, my parents fucking love him. He’s their perfect son, and I’m sure they regretted even having my fucked up self.”

I choked on my own spit at his words. I didn’t realize that I would hit such a touchy comment with my simple question.

Nolan keep going as I slowed down. He turned around and saw my wide eyes. “I’m honest, I told you that.” That was true. “But,” he paused as he slowed down to the pace I was walking at, “I think I have finally redeemed myself from my seriously messed up days in high school by getting into this school. It’s a tradition in my family starting with my great-grandfather.”

“I wanted to go here because my grandfather too.” I thought back to Grandad’s Commodores baseball hat that was always on his head, the one I would steal as a kid. My grandad would joke and pretend to chase after to me, saying how I was a little thief.

“Father too?” Nolan asked. Now I understood how my simple question earlier could create such an emotional response. I just shook my head. Did he go here? Probably not, but my mother may not even know that.

We walked a little bit farther without talking. This lull instantly led me to thinking what I was doing right now, looking at myself from a third person’s perspective. I was walking with a fairly attractive boy, who I barely knew anything about, back to my dorm room. Was this what college was about? My thought was instantly interrupted as our hands accidently touched. I quickly pulled my hand back, and Nolan just chuckled.

“You don’t have to be afraid to touch,” Nolan said as he grabbed my hand. He gave it a little squeeze, and held it there for a moment. I looked up at his eyes and could see his smile. “Not so bad is it?” He joked as he let go of my hand. I felt as though I couldn’t breathe as Nolan just continued to smirk. My hand instantly became clammy. He made me nervous and excited at the same time.

“No,” I paused, “it was nice.” I whispered. I couldn’t let him know yet how much I loved that moment between us. Even if I never saw him again, that would be the moment I would remember of my first night of college. Not the globs of mascara I put on, or the horrible walk to the frat party, but the nice boy that walked me home.

“Good.” Nolan said as our hands bumped again. He looked at me, and then bumped them again.

Finally I recognized where I was, The Commons Center was in clear view. I was happy that at least one of us knew where we were going. “Now I know where we are. How do you know the campus so well?”

“Too many drives down for Parent’s Weekend,” was Nolan’s only response.

Murray was in clear view, and I was so glad that I had made it back in one piece. A worry that I definitely had at the beginning on the night. “Here we are.”

“You’re not upstairs yet. I’d promised I would make sure you made it to your room.” Nolan said with what I now associated with a constant smirk.

“Uh,” I started. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him following to my room. Sure, he had been incredibly nice to me, but how did I know he wasn’t like the other guys at the party? He was still slightly drunk after all.

Nolan saw my hesitation. “Hey, knowing you, you might get lost back to your room. I promise once you find your room; I will walk across the quad and go to my own bed.”

“Okay,” I agreed. I scanned my ID and opened the main door. The 24-hour employee was mindlessly looking at his computer screen as we snuck past him to the stairs. “I don’t know if I can take these stairs in these heels.” I murmured.

“Well I can carry you if you need me,” Nolan teased. I laughed it off, but before I knew it he picked me up.

I yelped. “No, it’s okay put me down.”

“Not until we reach your floor.”

“I’m not going to tell you which one it is.”

“Then, I’m not putting you down,” Nolan quickly replied.

I stared at him and no smile broke out this time. He was serious. “The fifth,” I lied. Nolan began up the stairs, but I could see carrying me was a struggle as he didn’t seem to be one to lift weights at the gym. “I’m joking, it’s just the second.”

“Thank god.” Nolan blurted. I laughed as I enjoyed my ride up the flight of stairs before Nolan set me down.

“Heavier than you thought, I suppose.” I said as Nolan panted beside me.

“Just being a gentleman.” Nolan grinned, as I opened the door and continued a little way down the hall until we got to my room.

“This is it.” I stated as I turned around. “Now can I say thank you?” I flirted with confidence. I was surprised at myself, but I liked how I felt around him. Compared with how I was around Bryan earlier, I felt there was a natural chemistry between us. Just being around him and his brutal honesty, made me feel like I could be more open as well.

“I guess so.” Nolan whispered as he leaned in closer to me.

I was instantly brought right back to his eyes, so bright and blue even in the dim light of the hallway. My eyes were once again tempted to go a little south to his lips, as I felt his doing the same. I felt his breath; he was that close. I wanted to kiss him then. I was almost thankful to here the words “Oh yeah baby!” screamed from inside my room followed by several banging noises.

I froze and so did Nolan before he started breaking out laughing and banging our room door. “You weren’t lying,” he managed to get out between loud laughs.

“Shhh.” I said while I grabbed his shoulders. “Stop,” I now couldn’t help to chuckle as he fell on to me still laughing.

Just then, I heard the door open behind me. I turned around to find my roommate wrapped in a towel with her black hair every which way. “Oh, it’s you.” Ronnie said as she tighten the towel. “Hi.” She was now embarrassed, which only continued as her friend came out, obviously completely drunk as his boxers were backwards and inside out. It wasn’t even Eric. I had no idea where she had found this guy and what had happened to Eric. Maybe he was round 2.

“We have company.” The guy said while putting his arm around Ronnie before she shrugged it off.

“I-I thought you were going to sleep in Tory and Juliette’s room tonight. I told them to tell you when they found you. Juliette said you could sleep in her bed because she was with Bryan.” Ronnie tried to reason.

I looked at Nolan who now I could tell also felt awkward. “I left the party before I found them.”

“And you found someone else,” Ronnie smiled as she finally noticed Nolan standing beside me.

“Uh,” my lost of words from earlier in the night returned. I truly didn’t know what to call him.

“I’m her friend, Nolan. Someone that wouldn’t abandon her, a girl who had never been to a party before, I might add, and who didn’t know her way back, just to have a meaningless hookup. Nice to meet you.” Nolan said as he shook Ronnie's hand. He really wasn’t kidding when he said he was brutally honest. I was impressed though. I probably never would have gotten out the words of how upset I truly was.

Ronnie was as taken back as I was, but she had a hint of intrigue in her eyes. Who was this boy that I brought home with the brash attitude and the cute smirk? She opened her mouth to begin to speak, maybe try her wit at insulting him right back, but she was cut off.

“So you will excuse us, as we will wait in the common room for 5 minutes while you two finish up. If you want to continue please do it somewhere else since you really don’t want to give off that impression on the first night,” Nolan was searching for her name, but he never learned it. “5 minutes,” Nolan said as he placed his arm over my shoulder. I felt the tingling once more. “He shouldn’t last much longer than that anyway.” I could hear both of them gasp, but we had already made our way down the hall toward the study lounge.

I could feel Nolan’s eyes looking at my shocked expression, and his smirk softened. “Oh,” he barely whispered, “that was out of line. I don’t know her. Maybe you expected her to do that, but she was so rude to you. The first night without telling you, come on. Gotta establish some self-respect and boundaries first.”

“No, no, no.” I quickly comforted him, and even placed my hand on his chest. “It was great. Something I could never do, and it isn’t right for her to think she can just..” The words could not even come out to Nolan, someone who completely agrees with me. “I’m not good with confrontation,” I admit.

Nolan smiles, “I guess that is why you need someone like me around.” He gives my shoulder a squeeze before dropping his hand. I wished that he had kept it there. We head into the study lounge. It is the first time I’ve been in here. There were a few couches, a TV and then tables. A typical study lounge which is empty as it should be, no homework has started and most everyone seems to be out or asleep.

“Do you think she will keep it up?” Nolan asks as we take a seat on the couch next to each other.

“I hope not,” I respond. However, I truly don’t know. That wasn’t something that I might have anticipated about my new roommate from Atlanta. Her Facebook didn’t reveal that she would be hooking up with a new guy every weekend.

Nolan sensed how uncomfortable it made me. “How about this? If it becomes a problem again. You call me. I’m crazy, remember? So I can scare her off.” He sticks out his hand for my cell phone. I sigh jokingly as I pull out my cell phone and hand it to him. He quickly types in his number, and I smile as I watch his fingers move effortlessly over my keypad. He also has a smile on his face, both of us realizing he has accomplished his goal without directly asking me for my phone number.

However, then I begin to second guess myself. Maybe he does just want to help out as a friend. I was never a good judge of these things. Just as he hands it back to me, we hear Ronnie’s man stumbling past our door down toward the stairs. “I guess the coast is clear.”

I smile softly. I’m not sure I want to stop spending time with this boy. I just met him tonight, but I already feel so safe around him. “Thank you for bring me home safely.”

“Anytime.” Nolan smiled again. It wasn’t the same smirk that was from earlier tonight; it was much more genuine. A real smile, one I am sure he doesn’t share often. I’m guessing the alcohol must have worn off by now. He stood up, and I followed suit. He opened his arms. At first I was confused, but then I realized he wanted a hug. I gasped slightly, and then I wrapped my arms around him. Being in his embrace felt nice, even if he smelled like cigarettes and beer. I’m sure I did too. “I’ll see you soon,” he promised.

With that I left him the study lounge, and I headed back to my room, not truly wanting to face Ronnie, but I had to. Just as I went to turn the doorknob, I feel my phone vibrate. I see the number is not in my contacts yet, and I have a good feeling who it may be. “Good night,” the message reads, “don't let any nasty frat boys bite.” I giggle at his message and instantly save his name in my phone. I hope this isn’t the last message I get from him.

I turn the knob and find the lights out. Ronnie is already in her bed. I quickly change and go to the bathroom and wash the makeup off my face. I’m not sure if I am getting it off right, but I figure I can fix it in the morning. I’m too tired now. I climb into bed, and I hear Ronnie speak. “I’m sorry. I really am,” her voice cracks. She might have been crying, maybe embarrassed by the words Nolan said. I nod my head against my pillow even though she can’t see me. I know she is, she would never purposeful hurt me. However, I realize in that moment I may be naive, but I’m not alone. We all have a lot of growing to do. Some just in different ways than others.
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Thanks so much for reading! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!