I'm Restless, Obsessed With Your Future

No. He did not call her name. He didn't even see her. He doesn't see her and he won't see her. She just heard something. Maybe it's someone else she knows.

She turns and sees Ty. Yep.

"You didn't tell me you were going to be here!" Ty walks up to Dessa with a drunken limp and smiles. "Why didn't you call me?"

Dessa sighs. "I deleted you from my phone."

He laughs at her. "No you didn't, you bitch." He tries to hug her but she pushes him off. "I miss you, baby."

"Ty..." She looks around. Where in the world did Morgan and Riley go? Behind her, she sees that Riley is trying to get out of the freshmen girls. Morgan is nowhere to be found.

A girl with an unnatural shade of red hair comes to Ty's side and grabs his waste. "Babe," she says in a slightly nasally tone. It makes Dessa sick. "Don't you want to enjoy the show?"

Dessa now notices that the lights are glaring in her eyes. The music blaring. The band isn't even on. Is this their introduction music? It sucks. But all music sucks right now. She wants to be in her dorm, curled up in her sweatshirt, trying to sleep. It's almost a comforting thought. Like she's not even here.

"Oh, you must be Dessa. I've heard so much about you!"

She isn't in her dorm. Instead, she is here. Standing in a concert hall with her cheating ex-boyfriend.

The world begins to disappear.

"Dess," says Riley from behind. Just in time. "Come on, let's go to the basement."

Her arm is pulled and she's dragged away. She can faintly hear the girls scream as the band comes on. "New York City!" More screams. The beginning of an uptempo song. But it's all so faint. And she's glad. She's disconnected herself from her reality once more. It's a pitiful excuse, but it is an excuse regardless. An excuse to escape from it all. Nothing feels. The feet that are shuffling against the floor, the sudden change in lighting that would make anyone wince, the screams of the freshmen girls disappearing--she doesn't comprehend any of it. It's beautiful.

"DESS." Snapping fingers are held to her face. She blinks and the world hits her like a brick. Everything is louder, darker, more intense than before. She's aware again. "God, I swear, you stare off into space at the weirdest times." Riley chuckles a little.

Dessa goes along with it and rolls her eyes with a grin. It's okay. She's fine. "Whatever. I'm just mad."

"You're not mad. You're sad."

"I'm never sad."

Riley looks down and pauses. Dessa knows that she has her friend stumped. "Yeah, but I don't get it."

"Doesn't really matter if you do," Dessa says without hesitation. "It's just how my feelings work."

Riley doesn't say anything. She sits down next to Dessa. Oh, Dessa realizes. I'm sitting. Times like this should worry her, maybe. They don't.

The music is playing at an unusually high volume and the girls can hear all of it. It's not bad but they can't get true enjoyment out of it all. Dessa feels bad for Riley. For the four months that they have known each other, they have been better friends than anyone could imagine. Riley is always much more outgoing than Dessa, but not in an intimidating manner. She always makes Dessa feel like she's listened to, something Dessa is thankful for. Of course, they aren't true best friends yet. But they are as close to that as people could be after four months. And Dessa feels that it's no thanks to her. "Go find Morgan and have fun," she says, looking to the empty love seat in front of her. "These guys sound pretty good and you deserve a good time."

"What?" Riley's almost appalled. "You realize this is New York City. You'll get, like, raped down here or something."

Dessa looks down, almost ashamed.

Then Riley sighs. "I'm staying, okay?"

"If you insist."

"Seriously. And I promise you're not overreacting. You're just mad, like you said. I'd be mad, too. I wouldn't want to be around my ex, not now. You broke up last week, for God's sake, and he already has a girlfriend again."

As she fiddles with her thumbs, she tries to figure out if she agrees with Riley. Is she overreacting? Probably not, but that doesn't mean that she feels any less stupid. She didn't even trust him that much and still she trusted him more than she should have. She shouldn't have tested herself. Never again. From now on, men are worthless to Dessa. Untrustworthy, unfaithful, worthless boys. They mean nothing. And no, she thinks to herself. I'm not overreacting.

"You know what?" Riley says unexpectedly. "We should watch the show."

As much as she doesn't want to talk anymore, Dessa looks at her friend and says, "Seriously?"

"Yeah."

Dessa turns away. "No."

"Backstage."


As Jack is throwing out the last of his guitar picks, Alex stands behind his microphone for the last time tonight. "You guys are the shit! Thank you so much!" Jack looks to his left and sees Alex's genuine smile. It's refreshing. Not that he believes that Alex's smiles aren't real; it's just not often that his smiles are because of pure joy. Often he smiles due to the mayhem he is causing. Sure, maybe he caused mayhem from the stage. But the mayhem was positive. However, Jack knows this mayhem will continue, and it won't be the crazy fans. It'll be him. And Alex will stand there. Smiling.

"Jack, let me have your babies!" he hears from the front row. He looks down and sees the girl that said this, who he guesses is about sixteen. He's secretly disgusted at the thought of having sex with someone that young. Is that even legal in New York? The age of consent was sixteen in Maryland if he remembers correctly. Still, this girl is most likely in high school. If he went to college, he would've graduated by now. He shrugs it off, though, because it's his strange duty to hear these things from underage girls. He smiles slyly at her and winks, throwing his last pick in her direction.

After that, he can't look at her anymore. He makes a run for it off stage, where Zack is waiting for him and their bandmates. "Dude," Jack begins. "I fucking hate when these girls say shit about me having their children."

A grin creeps onto Zack's face. "Is that seriously bothering you right now?"

"Wait, what's bothering you? Danielle shit?" asks Rian, who seems to have showed up out of nowhere.

Jack turns his head and sees him. Alex is there too. This may be difficult to explain. "It's not Danielle. It's just high schoolers wanting to have sex with me. It's kind of weird now that I realize it."

Rian's face scrunches, and Alex shrugs his shoulders. "It's part of the job," Alex says. He begins to walk towards the exit, leaving Jack somewhat flustered. It's rare when the two agree on girls nowadays. He looks to Zack, who's just as confused. Jack scoffs. He doesn't even know what to think of his friends right now. He, Rian, and Zack head towards the hallway.

Jack somehow ends up behind the other two. Perhaps he's just walking really slowly. He feels strange. He doesn't like people right now. His life is starting to wear on him, he realizes. The parties, the drinking, the mindless sex. It was fun at first, but is it really worth anything? It doesn't mean shit to him. The feelings of ecstasy, they're all temporary. He needs something stable. Like a girlfriend. A stable girlfriend, of course, not one like Danielle was, but a girlfriend, nonetheless.

When he gets to the bottom of the stairs, he sees Alex talking to Vinny. And three fairly attractive girls. Typical. He keeps walking, annoyed with Alex's hypocrisy. Just part of the job.


"Alex!" says Vinny, raising his head to catch the attention of the man walking towards him. Dessa figures that this is Alex, the lead singer from onstage. She looks at Morgan, who is trying to hide how excited she is, then at Riley, who looks bored. Right now, Riley is the one she relates to.

Alex walks over. "Sup, Vinny," he says, reaching for his hand. The two embrace like guys do, and then go back to their normal stances. Alex smiles at the three girls. "Hello, ladies!"

They all smile at his charm. "Hi," is all they can say.

"This is Morgan," Vinny begins pointing to each of them. "Riley, and…" He trails off. "Shit, I'm sorry, what's you're name?"

Secretly, Dessa's annoyed, but she awkwardly giggles. "Dessa," she says, looking straight into Alex's eyes, half-assing a smile.

He has a smirk on his face when he looks at her. She's seen that smirk before. "Nice to meet you," says Alex. She's not impressed. The rest of the band walks by as their talking, and Dessa gets distracted by watching them head down the hallway. The drummer waves, the bassist waves, the guitarist… the guitarist. He's pretty cute. Well, they're all good looking, of course.

The guitarist keeps walking. No wave. Dessa looks back to Alex, who is now talking to Morgan.

"Vinny, are they all invited tonight?" he asks suddenly. When Vinny nods, Alex's smile grows. "Well, good!" He points his finger to all of the girls. "I'll see you all there." His finger lands on Dessa as he gives her another recognizable look. She wishes she wasn't as uninterested as she is, but she can't help it. He moves down the hallway, looking away at the last possible second.

Dessa feels a nudge and turns to her right. It's Riley, who has an eyebrow raised. Apparently Alex isn't subtle.

She just rolls her eyes.