I'm Restless, Obsessed With Your Future

He doesn't want to talk about it. Not that the experience was all that bad; there's just nothing to say. "So she just left without saying goodbye?" He had hoped that was implied, considering he just said that she wasn't there when he woke up. He'd rather not think about it, let alone talk about it. Alex is an asshole, he determines. But what's new? He just sighs. He hopes that's enough.

"Shit, dude. I'm sorry." Alex continues wiping the bar counter. "Well, at least she was cool when you were with her…" He's trying to be considerate, but a considerate Alex doesn't work most of the time. Jack takes it for what it is. "I got her friend's number this morning if you want me to ask for hers."

"Nah, that's okay."

Is it though?

It's ridiculous, how he's feeling. It's a confusing mix of annoyance and desire. He wants to talk to her, but at what cost? Sure, she just wanted to be friends, but maybe he needs that from someone like her. Then again, if she had wanted to be friends, perhaps she wouldn't have left his apartment unannounced.

Yeah, it's okay, though he wishes it wasn't even in question.

He hears a knock on the door. "Hey," he says as he pulls a chair into its rightful place. "You need me to get that?"

"Yeah, sure," says Alex, not bothering to look up. "Let me know who it is."

Jack steps over to the door and opens it, expecting Rian or Matt. The entire crew was supposed to help out cleaning that morning, and of course, they weren't.

It's not Rian or Matt. It's not anyone from the crew. Instead, he's looking at the face of what left him that morning.

He tries to analyze her expression. Clearly she wasn't expecting to see him, either. She looks flustered and unsure. He's trying to come off confused, but he's honestly just angry. How dare she leave that morning so suddenly? He wants to make her uncomfortable, more so than she already is. "Hi," he says, thinking of ways to embarrass her.

Dessa fiddles with her thumbs behind her back and does her best to look Jack straight in the eyes. She knows if she looks down, she'll come off as sheepish. Yeah, she came to Alex's. To get her shirt and leave. Not to run into the guy she left without warning. "Hey."

Is it even right to be mad? It's irrational to feel an attachment like this to a girl he met the night before. He purses his lips to prevent any damaging words from coming out before he can think of an appropriate response. Once he does, his body shifts to lean on the doorframe. "You disappeared this morning."

"Oh," she says. Now she can't look at him without blushing, so she instead stares at his feet. "Yeah. I- I don't know. I…" His eyes are on her, his ears taking in her every stutter. She doesn't want to defend herself. Does she even need to? "I'm just here to give your shirt to Alex, though I guess I can just give it to you now…" She trails off as she brings the shirt to the front of her body and pushes it slightly in front of her for him to grab.

He looks down at the shirt for a little, and then takes it from her hands. "Thanks," he says. Suddenly, he feels like shit. She's still having trouble looking him in the eye. He's embarrassed her enough, he feels. He takes a breath, preparing to speak. "I-"

"I'm sorry," Dessa blurts, interrupting him. "I felt really bad about leaving you, but you were asleep and I didn't want to wake you up." She looks back up to him, hoping for some kind of acceptance. His eyes haven't forgiven her yet, so she feels inclined to keep talking. "I haven't really been in that situation before," she admits. Then she pauses and her eyes wander back downward. Maybe she's said too much. "I'm sorry."

Jack smirks, though he doesn't know why. He's not trying to make fun, but he's just… surprised. A girl at New York University that hasn't been in a morning-after situation? Even if that were true, the circumstance from the night before wasn't exactly traditional; they didn't hook up. Maybe that's why she was so unwilling in the first place, though. "You're fine," he finally says, visibly easing her tension. She looks back up at him and smiles.

He smiles, too.


The water in her throat doesn't go down as easily as she expected. Twenty-four? she thinks. That's how old he is? "You're really that old?" she says. He raises an eyebrow. She freezes. "Wait," she corrects. "I don't mean that I think you're old, but-"

"I was about to say," he interrupts with some laughter. He grabs another fried pickle from the basket they're sharing. "Make me sound like I'm fifty, why don't ya."

"No!" She laughs in return. "But how old do you think I am?"

He puts the pickle in his mouth and chews for a bit, thinking. He would've guessed about twenty-one or twenty-two, but with that comment? "Twenty?"

"Nineteen."

Jack nods his head a little, swallowing his food with some surprise. A five-year age difference, enough to make Dessa feel uneasy. "So you're a freshman?"

"Yeah," she responds.

"Do you like it?"

"Hm?" She perks up a little and takes a pickle.

"Do you like NYU?"

Dessa looks at the chalkboard specials menu, pondering the question. "I guess," she answers. "It's fun. It's interesting." She takes a bite.

"I always wondered what college would be like," Jack admits.

"You didn't go?"

"Nah," he says, as if the idea of him going to college is a joke. "We were signed right out of high school, so that didn't give us much room." They both chew on their appetizer.

"Well, it's exactly like you'd imagine college to be. It's a lot of work, but there are a lot of parties and bad decisions and whatnot."

He chuckles, realizing that his four years of what should've been college were just that. Maybe he didn't miss out on too much. "But you're a good girl," he says.

She nods, knowing he didn't mean to ask a question, but to state a fact. "Compared to most people, yes. I'm not sinless, but I'm definitely the least party-centric of my friends."

"We all have our moments."

"Yep."

"Was your moment last night?" he scoffs (probably sounding a little harsher than he imagines).

Her body sinks a little, and she sighs. She wishes he wouldn't bring up the night before. She gets it; he's probably just teasing at this point. But it's enough. "I wouldn't call it a moment.”

“What would you call it?”

She sighs again. “Stupid.”

Jack’s taken slightly aback. “It wasn’t that stupid, was it?” He hopes not.

“Oh,” she says, quickly realizing he’s taken offense. “No, you were totally fine. My night. My ex-boyfriend and all that stupidity. It was dumb. I have…” She’s reluctant to finish her sentence, but musters up the willpower to do so. “Trust issues.”

“So you didn’t trust him?” He means it as a question, though it comes off as more of a statement.

Nervously, Dessa laughs a little. “It’s a little more complicated than that.” She pauses and looks up at Jack. His expression holds confusion and curiosity, so she decides to explain. “I found out he cheated on me, which obviously made me not trust him. But he was really… understanding of my situation, I suppose. So I decided to make myself believe that I trusted him.”

And now Jack’s even more confused than before. “So you… made yourself trust him?”

“Yes.”

“And how’d that turn out?”

“Well, I found him hooking up with another girl about three weeks later. And she’s his new girlfriend.”

Jack nods, though not in pleasure, but more so in belief. “So you shouldn’t have trusted him.”

She purses her lips. “Yes.”

“Then why did you?”

“Well,” she begins. “I didn’t. Like I said, I have trust issues. And I know that. I figured a solution would be to put myself in a situation where I could challenge that.”

Somehow, he still doesn’t understand. He wonders if she even understands her own logic. “Sounds like you’ve had some shitty boyfriends,” he blurts.

She chuckles. “Yeah, I kind of don’t trust anybody, if I’m being honest.” He begins to laugh along with her. For a moment, she forgets why she's never laughed about it in the first place.