A Simple Touch

‘2:34…2:30…2:27…come on, hurry up! I’m starving over here!’ I screamed this in my head as I watched the timer on the microwave count down. I waited too long to make something for lunch and now it feels like my stomach is eating itself. I only put the food in for 4 minutes but it feels like the longest 4 minutes of my life! I brought my face close to the see-through door and peered in at my food torturing me as it slowly rotated inside.

I pulled back away from the door remembering that all the radiation is probably not good for my skin. Instead I began to drum my fingers impatiently on the counter and watch the timer count down again. As my gut gave a protesting growl, Dahvie strolled into the kitchen. Ignoring my empty stomach, I snuck up behind him as he opened the fridge and wrapped my arms around his waist.

He jumped slightly and turned around looking somewhat uncomfortable. I gave him a small questioning look accompanied by a noise of confusion. He looked down regrettably and I noticed a small flush on his cheeks.

“H-hey Jayy?”

“Yeah?” I asked, curious to know what was on his mind.

“C-can I ask you to d-do something?”

“Of course! What is it?” Why did he look so nervous and uncomfortable?

He swallowed hard and paused for just a minute. With his eyes still on the floor he asked quietly, sounding almost afraid, “C-could you please stop touching me?”

My jaw actually dropped as the words spilled out of his mouth. I was completely dumbstruck at his sudden request. Did I do something to upset him? I mean I know I like him as more than a friend and I touch him more often as a result but I’ve always kept it PG or when we’re on-stage-PG-13. Maybe I just took it too far one of those times?

“W-Why?” I asked him incredulously. I have to find out what I did and fix it.

“I-It’s just…” he trailed off. I sent him a look urging him to continue. I need to know what I did wrong.

“I don’t know,” he said sounding defeated, “I’d just prefer if you’d stop touching me. On-stage for the fans is fine but when we’re off…please just don’t do anything more than a hug every now and then. Please.”

I think I actually heard my heart shatter when he said that. I wanted to cry my eyes out. Dahvie means so much to me and knowing that I can’t be with him how I want to, I consoled myself with innocent touches but now…

What am I going to do?

I looked back at him trying to keep my composure and not to fall apart no matter how much I wanted to. I saw him trying just as hard to appear nonchalant but it looked like it was killing him too. Did he realize how I felt about him and is now cutting me off cause he’s freaked-out? Or maybe he’s trying to spare my feelings? Either way I just wanted to tear my heart out. It already felt like it was dead anyway.

We stood in an awkward silence that seemed to go on for ages. I didn’t know what to say to him and obviously he didn’t either. He tried to change the subject by asking if there were any left-overs from last night’s steak dinner. I told him sadly that I was heating up the last of it. He let out a soft “Oh” and shut down again.

Finally it became too much to bare and I stormed out of the kitchen. The timer went off right as I left and Dahvie called out for me. I yelled through my tears that he could have it and loudly slammed the door to my room. Once I was inside away from him, I broke down completely letting out all my tears and sadness. I collapsed onto my bed and landed what I thought was a pillow but was really a stuffed penguin that Dahvie had bought me. I looked at it in anger and threw it at the door. When it hit the ground, I looked at it sadly. Though it only had that one fixed expression, it still felt like rejection and loneliness was being emitted from it as it slumped to the floor.

I felt another jab go to my heart and quickly picked it back up. I brought it back to the bed and held it tight as I cried into my pillow. This is probably the closest thing I’m ever going to get to holding Dahvie again now that he’s cut off almost all physical contact between us. I tried to calm myself down but like a slideshow, every time we ever touched or hugged replayed in my mind and brought forth new tears. When I finally did manage to quiet myself I heard a small noise outside my door. It sounded like a shuffling but as quick as I heard it, it was gone.

I cried silently again until I heard a soft knock at the door. I yelled for who ever it was to go away but true to anyone in this house, the door opened almost immediately after I spoke up. I looked up to tell them off personally but when I saw it was Sally, I bit my tongue. She sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my back comfortingly. Though a simple gesture, coming from her it made me feel a little better.

“I heard…” she said softly.

My expression harden and I looked down at my sheets, now showing a dark wet spot from where my pillow failed to catch my tears. “So?” I said sounding rather harsh.

Unaffected she continued, “He didn’t mean it, you know.”

“Really? Cause it sounded pretty clear to me. ‘Don’t touch me.’ Kinda hard to misinterpret.”

She let out a soft sigh and responded, “He’s just confused right now. He doesn’t know what to do.”

Confused, I sat back up and looked at her hard. “What do you mean?”

Reluctantly she said, “I can’t tell you. I promised not to but I know he feels just as bad as you do.”

I let out a grunt of frustration and laid back down, feeling confused and angry. What the hell couldn’t she tell me? This isn’t making me feel any better, in fact it’s mostly just pissing me off. I turned away from her and shut my eyes. I wish I was anywhere but here right now.

Another soft sigh passed her lips and she stood back up. ‘Good,’ I thought, ‘I want to be alone.’ Before she moved back to the door, I felt her soft lips press against my cheek.

“Go talk to him,” she whispered quietly, “He needs you right now more than you know.”

I turned back to ask her more but she had already left and closed the door behind her. I collapsed onto my back and stared up at the ceiling as I tried to figure out the meaning of her message. If Dahvie is really hurting right now, then why’d he cause this in the first place? And what was he so confused about? He always seemed like he knew exactly what was going on both around him and inside him. That was one of the things I always admired about him.

I mused over this further before I ultimately mustered up the courage to move. I don’t care how much he hurt me, I still want to be there for him. He’s my best friend and I hate the thought of him unhappy. Slowly and quietly I made my way to his room. I’m not sure what to expect. It almost felt like approaching a timid animal for the first time. If you move too quickly or loudly, you’ll scare it more and I just don’t want to do that to him.

When I made it to his room, I put my ear against the door. I heard small sniffling and felt a tug on my heart strings. Sally was right, he sounded just as bad off as me. I knocked softly and waited for an answer. When I didn’t hear one, I pushed the door in as gently as I could.

It was dark inside, the only light came from a singular window with the blinds half open. On his bed, Dahvie laid in the middle curled up into a fetal position. I could see his body wracking with small tremors from his crying. Seeing him like this filled me with nothing but empathy for him. It really is the saddest thing to see him cry.

He looked up and then quickly put his head back down to try and hide his tear-streaked face. “G-go away, Jayy” he sniffled out softly. My reply was a simple “no” and I sat down beside him, careful not to let our bodies touch. He curled up tighter and I wanted nothing more than to hug the depression out of him but I remembered his request and kept my distance.

“W-what do you w-want Jayy?” he asked, sounding utterly broken.

“To make you feel better.”

“Why?” he asked sounding exasperated and tired.

“Because you’re my best friend, that’s why.”

“B-b-but…I-I broke your heart! Why would you still want to help me? Why do you even care about me?”

“Dahvie, you’re my best friend! I love you with all my heart! Sure you hurt me, but why would I want to see you in pain?”

I was met with silence, save for the soft sound of his tears hitting the mattress. I waited for his response but it became clear he didn’t have one. Gently I asked him, “Why do you think you broke my heart?” I made sure not to break down in front of him so I have no idea how he’d know I was crying my eyes out. Unless Sally told him, but she didn’t even know until she came into my room and after that there wasn’t enough time for her to come down and talk to him. And if she had I would’ve seen her in the hallway as I came down here.

“Well?” I tried again.

“…I heard you crying” he started out, now sitting up, “I followed you back to your room and I heard every last sob and whimper and it tore me up inside! I’m sorry I hurt you! I didn’t mean to. I was only thinking of what was best for me but I know I should’ve had your best interests at in mind but I’m just so goddamn selfish!” he screamed, “I only thought of what I wanted and I hated that. I know I broke your heart so don’t even bother telling me any different!”

He began to cry again and I moved to hug him like I always had done before. Once I made contact, he twitched and I pulled back remembering what I promised to him. I was about to apologize for my lapse but was cut off when buried himself in my arms. Screw what he said before, he needed this right now. I enclosed my arms around him and held him tight against my chest.

As he sobbed uncontrollably I lowered us back onto the bed. I told him just to let out and rubbed his back in slow circles. I know from experience that it’s pointless to try to calm someone down when they’re like this. They just need to wear themselves out until all the tears are gone. When he quieted down I moved to let him go. I don’t want to upset him anymore than necessary.

When he felt my motion, he pulled me back against him. I was shocked and asked him “What about what you asked earlier?”

Small tears streamed down his face and as I moved my thumb to remove stray drops he told me “Fuck what I said before! It was a mistake! A stupid stupid mistake! I need your touch. I thought that’s what was driving me crazy but I was wrong. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane.”

“Aw, Dahvie” I pulled him closer and whispered, “I know how you feel. When you asked me not to hug you anymore, it felt like I lost a piece of me. I don’t ever want to lose you like that. It’d kill me if I did.”

We laid in silence, making up for the short amount of time we had been separated but to us it felt like a lifetime. I kissed the top of his forehead lightly and rested mine on his. Through the dim light shining on his face, I saw a trace of a blush. He looked up at me through wide, innocent eyes. He seemed hesitant but then worked up the courage to move forward.

His lips felt like a feather against mine as he waited for my response. I enclosed the small gap and pressed our lips harder together. That was all the encouragement he needed to continue. I felt his tongue brush against the seam of my lips and I let him in. As the wet, slippery muscle entered my mouth further I met it with my own. We engaged in a small battle with neither one of us caring who won. I was just happy to touch and be touched by him.

He pulled back for air but not before nibbling at my lip ring. I moved over top of him and marveled at how breathtaking he looked when he was panting for oxygen and his cheeks were flushed like a cherry. I moved my right hand down to the front of his pants and cupped his growing bulge. When my hand made contact, his eyes shut and his neck arched. He looked unbelievably beautiful and I couldn’t wait to see his gorgeous face as he climaxed.

Wasting no time, I slipped my hand past the elastic of his pants and underwear. As I pulled him out, I heard a delighted gasp. If possible he looked even redder.

“Please Jayy,” he begged, “touch me. I need it so bad.”

“Of course, Dahvie. I’ll never stop.”

A small moan broke free from his throat as I began to stroke him. Needing to hear more, I pumped faster to elicit those beautiful sounds. As the pleasure built, his face scrunched up and showed the increasing bliss he craved. He entwined his fingers in the front of my shirt and held it tightly. His panting increased even more and I knew it wouldn’t be long until he burst.

Just a bit more and I’d drive him to the edge but he wanted to take me with him. He pulled me even closer until we were in close enough proximity for him to shove a hand down my pants. I groaned loudly as I felt his skin on mine. It didn’t take long until I was as close as he was. Having him touch me was like an aphrodisiac all on its own. I moaned out his name and told him how close I was to losing it. He sped up his hand and let me know he was almost there too.

I wanted him to finish first and then I could let go. As my final act I kissed him softly and watched his gorgeous face as he screamed my name for everyone in the house to hear. As he let himself go, I did the same. I called out his name just as loudly and pumped him until I was sure he had finished.

He did the same for me and then pulled his hand out to taste my cum. As he licked off every last bit, I pulled my hand off of him and repeated his actions. He tasted undeniably sweet, just like his personality. When we we’re both clean, we cuddled up beside each other under the covers.

We pulled each other’s body close and refused to let go. “Never let me push you away again” he whispered softly.

“Deal. I will never let you go.” I whispered back.

He looked back at me with doe-eyes and asked, “Promise?”

I pulled him even closer to chest and replied, “Promise.”