The Great Big Book of Everything
Jill's rant.
Before I fill you in deeper to the depths of my soul, I wanna say that I am a cutter. I am seeing a therapist, but it's not making a difference, but I lie to cover my ass. Photography is an outlet, and I play sports.
Now for the binoculars.
I'm fat. You can't change my mind. Everyone tells me I'm not, but I've been bullied since I was 6. I'm ugly. Can't change my mind about that either. I can't change my outlook on life, and I'm always pessimistic. I get paranoid to the point that if affects my actions. Yes, I want that chocolate bar, but I'm gonna get a granola bar, because I don't want the cashier to think I'm a fat-ass. My boyfriend is wonderful, but he keeps telling me that we're gonna have the best babies in the world, and I'd be a great mom. And he keeps telling me I'm his one and only. I kissed a girl while I was dating him, and he doesn't know. I love her, but her religion prohibits her to be gay. I don't know what to do. I love them both.
Theater and photography are my only outlets, but I don't get to do a lot of either because of school and sports.
I'm expected to get all A's, but I legit don't give a fuck. I like having all A's, but it's not that important. My parents want me to get the Promise Scholarship and go to WVU on that.
I'm pansexual. I'm assuming you know what that means. I'm a member f my school's GSA, but I have to keep it a secret from my parents, who still think I'm straight, and who are conservative.
I'm a cutter. two years. My scars are fading. My parents found out, and are trying to stop it, but I can't stop. It's an addiction. the monster was caused by their almost-divorce. They got back together through marriage counseling at the church. I couldn't do that, because of my paranoia. Every time the pastor looks at me, I think that she's thinking, 'Oh, there's Jill. Her parents are probably gonna get a divorce. Do they have a session next Tuesday? Gotta pray for them.' She always asks me how I'm doing, and it's awkward to answer her.
I'm scared I'm developing bulimia.
I ramble a lot.
I'm throwing my sexuality out at a state board meeting on Wednesday. We're gonna change the bullying law to include people who are bullied because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. And my parent's don't know, because they don't even know I'm in the club. Yay for forging signatures.
My rant is about done. I feel better.
Now for the binoculars.
I'm fat. You can't change my mind. Everyone tells me I'm not, but I've been bullied since I was 6. I'm ugly. Can't change my mind about that either. I can't change my outlook on life, and I'm always pessimistic. I get paranoid to the point that if affects my actions. Yes, I want that chocolate bar, but I'm gonna get a granola bar, because I don't want the cashier to think I'm a fat-ass. My boyfriend is wonderful, but he keeps telling me that we're gonna have the best babies in the world, and I'd be a great mom. And he keeps telling me I'm his one and only. I kissed a girl while I was dating him, and he doesn't know. I love her, but her religion prohibits her to be gay. I don't know what to do. I love them both.
Theater and photography are my only outlets, but I don't get to do a lot of either because of school and sports.
I'm expected to get all A's, but I legit don't give a fuck. I like having all A's, but it's not that important. My parents want me to get the Promise Scholarship and go to WVU on that.
I'm pansexual. I'm assuming you know what that means. I'm a member f my school's GSA, but I have to keep it a secret from my parents, who still think I'm straight, and who are conservative.
I'm a cutter. two years. My scars are fading. My parents found out, and are trying to stop it, but I can't stop. It's an addiction. the monster was caused by their almost-divorce. They got back together through marriage counseling at the church. I couldn't do that, because of my paranoia. Every time the pastor looks at me, I think that she's thinking, 'Oh, there's Jill. Her parents are probably gonna get a divorce. Do they have a session next Tuesday? Gotta pray for them.' She always asks me how I'm doing, and it's awkward to answer her.
I'm scared I'm developing bulimia.
I ramble a lot.
I'm throwing my sexuality out at a state board meeting on Wednesday. We're gonna change the bullying law to include people who are bullied because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. And my parent's don't know, because they don't even know I'm in the club. Yay for forging signatures.
My rant is about done. I feel better.
♠ ♠ ♠
<3jillgeerawrd<3