Little Laughs

Draco, Crabbe, Blaise, and Goyle nervously peeked both ways down the deserted corridor, making sure no prefect, student, or professor saw where they were about to go. Draco, the leader of their small group, waved them forward and the four bolted towards and abandoned classroom. The moment they got to the door, they pulled the hood of their robes over their heads and stepped inside. Once the door had shut behind him, a dim light was light in the middle of the room. It only lit the middle of the room and the hooded forms of three other figures sitting within a circle of chairs.

“Take your seats,” a voice that may or may not have been Ronald Weasley said from one of the chairs. Of course, there was total anonymity within this circle, so no names were going to be used whatsoever. The four boys, who were now just as nameless as the rest of them, took seats in the circle and glanced around. “Now, I may have or may have not gotten this idea from Hermione’s SPEW, but for us it will have somewhat of a completely different meaning. For us, us manly men, it will stand for Stinky Penises EW.” A small snort of laughter resounded from one of the hooded figures but it immediately stifled itself. “It will not only be a club, but a place where us men can have a little bit of a competition.”

“Oh yeah, what kind?” A voice asked. It sounded a lot like Vincent Crabbe but one could never be too sure when they were all sworn to utter secrecy.

“A competition to see who can get the stinkiest penis,” a voice which sounded like The Boy Who Lived echoed through the room. There was a long pause within the room. No one dare speak or say anything, since they were all either too in shock or suppressing hysterical laughter.

“My penis is already magic enough,” a cocky voice said and it was only obvious that it was Draco Malfoy. “Whenever I take a long piss, time slows down until I’m done so I don’t miss anything important.” There was another one of those long pauses and the hooded figures shot each other glances that were lost beneath the shadows of their hoods.

“Are you serious?” Gregory Goyle, who was completely anonymous, mind you, asked. His tone was monotone and rife with disbelief.

“I’m Voldemort serious,” Draco shot back and almost immediately gasps from a few of the other hooded figures sounded across the room. “Oh come on, it’s not like he’s in this room with us.” Another long pause and the hooded figures exchanged glances once more. “Right?” Draco asked with a little less cockiness and resolve in his tone. There was a flurry of ‘no’s and ‘of course not’s before the room fell silent once more, though…there was no exact telling if Voldemort were actually in the room or not. For all they knew, he could have been the hooded figure sitting to their right and about to boast about how stinky his penis is.

“Anyways, back to what I was asking,” Gregory Goyle started up again, “how do you know that time slows while your pissing?” Draco let out a sharp scoff at his disbelief and shook his head a bit.

“Because, I’ve timed myself,” Draco explained, holding the rapt attention of everyone in the group. If someone had a magical penis, that was it. There was no way they could be that. “I check my watch before I start to pee and the moment the last drop of urine hits the urinal.” There was a chorus of amazed noises around the room and had Draco’s hood been off, they would have all seen the smug, confident smirk curling his lips.

“Let me see your watch,” Gregory asked, stretching his hand out and grabbing Draco’s wrist before he could do anything about it. Draco let out a cry of protest but Goyle’s hand had clasped around his arm like a vice. In the darkness of the room, Goyle’s eyes zeroed in on the wrist watch and watched as the silver hands remained completely still. The boy dropped Draco’s wrist and let out a loud laugh.

“Oh, you genius,” Goyle said through his laughter, “your watch is dead.” Loud ringing laughter echoed throughout the room, spare from the boy who had been dubbed a genius. Once the laughter died down, one of the figures stood and glanced around the circle.

“Okay, you all know what has to be done. We’ll meet up again next week, same time, same place, yet much stinkier penises. Good day,” Ronald Weasley adjourned their little club meeting and they all left the room quietly. As soon as they were out of each other’s sights, their hoods were pulled back from their faces.

“Thanks for the embarrassment, Goyle,” Draco spat, cutting his eyes over at the boy who was walking beside him.

“You’re the one who got all confident about a magical penis,” Goyle defended, lifting his hands up a bit in defeat. Before Draco could reply, they heard soft footsteps on the opposite end of the corridor.

“Who’s got a magical penis?” A girl’s voice asked and the four boys spun around wildly, looking at none other than Charlotte Goyle wearing a tiny little smirk on her lips. Goyle, Crabbe, and Blaise exchanged looks at Draco focused solely on the beautiful blonde walking toward them.

“Draco here does, apparently,” Goyle said, shoving Draco at his sister. Charlotte raised a brow and slowly looked over Draco before a wide, mischievous smile curled her lips. Without a word, she took his Slytherin tie in her hand and began to pull him behind her, intending on getting him alone. Before the two of them turned the corner, Draco turned around and flipped the three off with a spiteful chuckle.