Twisted Symphony

“You haven’t done anything!” Megan shouts into my ear.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s true! You’ve been in the most exciting city in the world for almost a month and you’ve done absolutely nothing! You’re taking double the classes you should be, and all you ever do is play the piano!” She whines.

“Well, that’s what I’m here for.” I defend.

She’s right, I really haven’t done much besides go to class, go to Starbucks, and go to that one party. I’m totally shortchanging myself of the whole New York experience, but honestly it doesn’t bother me much and I know I’m seventeen, but I’m not here to party, I can’t afford it.

“But that’s not all you need to do!” She squeaks, obviously getting worked up.

“Why are you pushing?” I bite at my bottom lip.

“I’m already spending all my time trying to convince Mom that you’re not living in some overpaid crack den.” I can only picture her tossing her dark hair into a pony tail, her green eyes darting around the room.

“What?” I blink and feel my mouth drop.

“I’m sorry! I’m just being honest! You know how she can be!” I can hear her nearly hyperventilating.

“I have to go, Meg.” I feel a lump growing in my throat the size of a softball, my eyes taking on their signature, emotionally charged, swollen red rimming.

Suddenly sleep feels better than anything and I don’t feel like listening to anyone’s voice as I stuff myself into my pillow. She was right about my mother, and she wasn’t even being harsh. My mother never really approved of the piano, but to hear what she really thinks may just be more than I can handle.

It’s got to be at least eleven thirty when I hear a knock at my door. As I stumble to the door frame I attempt the rub the sleep from my eyes. Johnnie

“Are you serious?” I rub the sleep from my eyes. I glance at the clock. eleven thirty at night.

“Kayla went home for the weekend.” I begin to close the door in his face, but he catches it.

“Can we talk?”

“No,” I fold my arms across my chest.

“I’m sorry alright?” He talks a few steps into the room and I shut the door.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to,” I scoff.

“Yes, you are. You and Kayla. It’s just.. it’s complicated.” He runs his fingers through his hair.

“No Johnnie it’s not. You’re a slut, I get it.” I nod.

“I’m more than that. ” He defends.

“Are not.” I snap back, my arms crossed over my chest.

“Yes I am.” He’s raising his voice again.

“Prove it.” I shrug. He takes a seat on the edge of my bed. I sit and pull the covers on my lap so
my legs aren’t cold.

“It’s a lot more complicated then it seems. Kayla knows, not to expect an actual relationship with me. We’re together, but not really. You know how that is.” Ass.

“That’s the saddest excuse for a commitment issue I’ve ever heard in my life.” I roll my eyes.

“Kayla isn’t right for me as a girlfriend. She’s a great and a good friend, but Kayla doesn’t
excite me enough on an everyday basis for us to be what she wants us to be.” He explains. I furrow an eyebrow.

“She doesn’t have sex with you enough?’ I’m curious as to what the hell he’s taking about.

“No. It’s not sexual. It’s more of a feeling.” I narrow my eyes at him.

“How much bullshit do you think you can feed me? I’m not an idiot.”

“I never wake up thinking about her. I never go to sleep thinking about her. She doesn’t do things to stick out in my mind like a girlfriend should. She’s just there. Our deal was good until she met you. Then it all went to shit.” He looks down at his white t-shirt. His sandy blonde hair falling in his eyes.

“I don’t get it.” I shake my head, actually curious as to what he’s talking about.

“She doesn’t do it for me Gabrielle. I don’t need a chase, that’s not what I need. I just need someone that’s not so predictable. Someone that I know I can’t control. As stupid as this sounds, I don’t want to be able to control my girlfriend. I want her to control herself. Make her own choices. When she’s pissed at me she should be pissed at me. I should feel it. I should want her when she’s mad at me and that doesn’t happen with Kayla. I just find someone else, it’s not that hard. Kayla’s lack of confidence is written all over her face. That makes her fun, but nothing else.” he shrugs.

“What scares me Johnnie is that might just be the most mature thing you’ve ever said to me.” When did he start making any sense?

“See. I’m not that bad. When Kayla comes back. We have to talk. We’ve got to see where we stand, because I don’t know where this thing is going to go if we’re both looking for different things out of this situation.” He continues, and I know he’s wrong with what he’s doing, but it is complicated. It’s not okay, but it’s complicated.

“Who are you!” I look at him curiously.

“I’m the same guy. I just got to some thinking. Kayla and I, we don’t go. That doesn’t mean I have the right to treat her like shit though. She’s still a girl.” He shrugs. What freaks me out is his words are so genuine I don’t even think this is really Johnnie. This can’t be him, but it is. His dimple is one of a kind.

“Johnnie. I was ready to murder you today, I hope you know.” I whip my head towards him .

“I know. That was… interesting.” He smirks.

“That was not interesting! You almost died today! You know it’s your fault Reid won’t even look at me!” I feel my eyes go wide as I tuck loose strands of hair behind my ears/

“Who would have killed me? You?” He mocked.

I put a hand to my stomach as I hear it growl.

“When’s the last time you ate?” He cocks his head towards me.

“I can’t eat when I’m angry.” I tease.
“That just means I have to feed you, right? This is my fault.” He flips the chair from my desk backwards like he always does and sits on it. Resting his chin on his arms.

“Probably.”

The Chinese food gets to the lounge for us and Johnnie and I take it to my dorm. I smell the food in the bags and my stomach growls at the scent. Johnnie told me this is the best Chinese food in New York and he’s been ordering from it for years. We set out the food on my desk. I sit back on my bed and he begins to unpack it.

“You going to tell me that story now?” He doesn’t look at me he just keeps setting up this endless array of food.

“What story?” I don’t even know what he’s talking about.

“The one you started a couple weeks ago. The one about your Dad?” He looks at me.

“You remember that?” I smile.

“I remember everything you say to me.” He hands me chopsticks and may-fun in a Chinese takeout carton.

“You sure?” I take a bite of my spring roll.

“Sure about what? If you don’t want to talk about it anymore it’s alright. I just guessed it couldn’t have gone too far from your mind.” He shrugs popping a dumpling into his mouth.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to go there.” I shake my head.

“That bad huh?” he looks up at me, brushing his hair back.

“Everybody has been threw things I guess… I guess I’m just not over it enough. I wish I was, but I’m not. I’m being a baby.” I glance at my phone.

“No you’re not. Like you said. Everyone goes through stuff.” He shrugs.

“So it’s that easy? That’s it? My parents divorce when I’m like seven leaving my sister and I? I haven’t seen him or anything to do with him in ten years except for child support checks and everything is suppose to be okay? He’s living some new life in this stupid city and- forget it.” I can’t tell you where it came from, but words just began tumbling out of my mouth.

“Is that why you hate New York?”

I ignore his question.

“It’s ruined everything. You know what my mom told me? She told me if I get in touch with my now successful father I would be ruining his life. He doesn’t want me anymore. If he ever wanted me he would’ve called, written, sent a birthday card! Something!” I bite at my bottom lip.

“Relax.” He puts a hand on either side of my face and pushes my cheeks in. So I feel like a fish. “Okay?” He nods.

I feel a tear slide down my face. A single tear. That’s all I need to know I’ve broken. I hate myself for breaking. For even talking about this to anyone, because I don’t do that. Ever. Of all people it’s Johnnie. I assume he’s going to be a jerk, but he just wipes away my tear with his thumb. My voice breaks and I begin to cry. Cry with nowhere to go and I feel stupid. I feel vulnerable to everyone and everything. Johnnie doesn’t try to hit on me and he doesn’t try to be a pervert. He pulls me into his chest and consoles me. His skin is warm through his shirt and I can hear his heartbeat against my ear. It has to be a good four minutes before anyone does anything.

“You know it’s not your fault. Things like that they just happen to all the wrong people.” He pushes my hair away from my face and I feel the warmth of his skin.

“Yeah?” I mumble into his shirt.

“Yeah.” He puts his arms tighter around me and rests his chin on top of my head.

For a second, everything feels easy, but only for a second.