Twisted Symphony

It’s cold. I know it’s the middle of summer, but it’s freezing. This place contains no warmth. My Father’s name is slapped across everything in his office. A glare was shining through his fifth avenue office. I squirmed in my jeans, wondering why I hadn’t worn a skirt when it felt like it was a hundred degrees outside. I wondered if my hair was frizzing and if my mascara had smudged at all. I patiently played with my fingers in my lap and I wondered what he would think of me.

“Sarah Andrews?” I got up from the sticky leather chair beneath me. I should’ve worn a skirt.

“Yes.” I answered sweetly to the elderly secretary.

“Mr. Danes is waiting for you.” She pointed to two large oak doors with gold handles and motioned for me to go ahead.

“Thank you.” I nodded.

The door creaked at my touch. I felt my heart leap into my throat. I contemplated running away for a split second, but the door had already squeaked open. I watched as he looked busily towards his computer, while on the phone, with someone sharply dressed at his side.

“Hello.” I waved.

“Sir.” The twenty something man interrupted his call.

“Tyler.” He half scolded the boyish looking man. “Oh.” My Father mumbled, glancing up. “Ms. Andrews.” He ended his call and shut his computer away.

“Actually, I’m Gabrielle.” I tucked my neatly straightened hair behind my ear. “Your daughter.” His eyes went wide. Tyler nearly had an aneurism.

“Sir? Do you want me to call security?” Tyler raised an eyebrow.

“Leave me, Tyler.” He waved him away.

“Yes Sir.” He nodded and began to type away on his blackberry.

“Gabrielle?” He came out from behind his oversized desk.

“You don’t recognize me.” I felt the sting of both anger and sadness hit the pit of my stomach all at once.

“You’ve changed.” He smiled this warm smile I hadn’t seen in ages.

“Time tends to do that.” I nodded.

“I’m sorry I- You’re so beautiful, Gabby.” He smiled, amazed.

“Thanks.” I smiled slightly, but I felt it vanish just as quickly.

“What are you doing here?” He ran his fingers through his faintly graying, chestnut colored hair.

“I’m in this music program. It’s the best in the country.” I felt a pang of pride.

“You still play?” He smiled, half astonished.

I nodded.

“Do you?” I touched the leather covered chair in front of me.

“Not much, lately.” He shook his head no.

“You’ve changed.” I looked at the pattern on his red tie.

“I know.” He nodded. “Listen, Gabby. I’d rather not do this here. This is where I work, Sweetie. It’s not the place. How about dinner tonight? At Butter?”

“Butter?” He was embarrassed of me.

“It’s this great place in NOHO, on Lafayette. I can send a car for you if you’d like.”

“A car?” I didn’t know the man standing in front of me.

“Yes. Where are you staying?” He began to gather the papers in front of him.

“In the Lower West Side, I think.” It felt unnatural. It had all happened too fast.

“Great! Leave your address with Andrea, out front, and I’ll send for you around six o’clock.”

“Okay.” I felt his eyes ushering me out the door and my feet were soon to follow.

He nodded with this reassuring smile that he had always had, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe in it.



“So you just showed up?” Johnnie toyed with the empty cup of iced coffee in his hands. I had told him most everything about my morning. I had no one left to tell, at least no one in the flesh. I felt this weight fall off of my chest with every word that poured out of my mouth.

“Well, technically I made an appointment.” My bare thighs touched the cold surface of a shaded boulder in Central Park. “Right there.” I pointed to the building I had been in hours ago. I could see it in the distance. Fifth Avenue.

“He seemed different, Johnnie.” I took a sip of my nearly full cup. I had done most of the talking.

“It’s been a while.” He shrugged as he searched for coffee beyond the bare remains of ice at the bottom of his cup.

“Here.” I handed him my cup.

“Thanks.” He began to take a sip.

“Don’t drink all the caramel!” I shoved him lightly.

“It’s not my fault you just left it there.” He wiped his mouth and offered me the cup.

“Thanks.” I took a sip before pushing the cup back towards him.

“Don’t drink all the caramel!” I ordered as he moved the straw back to his lips.

“I’ll try.” He teased.

“I’m nervous.”

“Why?” He raised an eyebrow.

“What if he doesn’t like who I am now? What if he’s disappointed?” I toyed with the charm on my ankle bracelet.

“Then he’s an idiot, Gabrielle.” He was so sure of himself.

“What if I’m not who he thought I’d be?”

“Then his imagination was never that good to begin with.” He shrugged, offering me another sip of my coffee that he was slowly devouring.

“Johnnie.” I groaned.

“Gabrielle.” He retorted.

“Be serious!” I ordered. The smile dropped from his face, dimples disappearing.

“Gabrielle, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. If he can find something about you that disappoints him, then he doesn’t deserve you.” A reassuring smile appeared on his face. For the moment it was gone, I had missed it. It felt strange.

“Thanks.” I smiled softly.

“You can do this.” He looked straight into my eyes.

“And If I can’t?” I questioned fretfully.

“Then I’ll be right here.” He nodded, smiling comfortingly. “But you won’t need me.”

“Okay.” I breathed.



“We’ve reached our destination, Miss.” The driver began to get out of the car to open the door for me, but I got there before he could. He held his hand out to assist me.

“Thank you.” I touched his hand softly in an effort to regain my balance.

“Goodbye, Miss.” He nodded.

He was sitting at a table already, waiting for me. He waved me over with a warm smile and has a polo shirt on. I saw him in an instant and for a second I felt perfectly content. For a moment I believed in him.

“Hi.” I waved and slid into the booth, my skirt after me.

“Hello, Gabby.” I hadn’t heard Gabby in years before that day.

“Thank you for taking me to dinner.” I began to search the menu.

“It’s the least I could do.” I didn’t want small talk.

“I don’t know where to start.” I shrugged.

“Neither do I.” He kept that same constant smile. “I’m sorry I left you. I never intended to leave you, just your Mother.” He breathed nervously. “That came out wrong.”

“What did we do? That made you leave?” I leaned towards him as I summoned every ounce of courage I had for the words to even escape my lips.

“You didn’t do anything, Sweetheart.” He looked hurt that I would suggest such a thing.

“So why have you been punishing me?” I felt my cheeks grow hit.

“I haven’t.”

“Checks and birthday cards.” I said flatly.

“And Christmas.” He defended softly, but he knew he didn’t have a case.

“Dad.” I looked up at him from my empty plate.

“I’m sorry that your Mother and I didn’t work out.” I felt something bubbling in my stomach.

“This conversation has nothing to do with my Mother and you know it.” I searched for something in his reflection of my own eyes.

“You’re right.” He nodded, ashamed. “Things just got angry and everything started to go so fast. I didn’t know what to do.” He shrugged. “So I started over. It seemed easier at the time.”

“Without me.” I touched my fork. “Or Megan.” I interjected.

“I never meant for things to get this way.” He answered softly.

“Life never seems to go the way we meant for it to, anymore. Does it?” I smiled spitefully.

“Gabrielle.” He said firmly.

“Don’t Gabrielle me.” I retorted. “You don’t have any answers for me.”

“I’m sorry? I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out. I’m sorry that I ran from my problems, and I’m sorry that I left you behind. I apologize for all of it. It was wrong of me.”

“I don’t want an apology.” I murmured.

“Then, what do you want?” His thick brows furrowed together.

“Proof.”

“What?” He looked at me as if I were crazy. “You know I’m sorry, Gabrielle.”

“I’m sorry. I know it sounds like I’m being crazy, but I don’t know- I just need some sort of reassurance that you won’t disappear on me again. Can you at least promise me a few more meals before the summer ends? A walk in the park or two? Just once a week.” His eyes grew dim. They had done the very same thing the last time he had left.

“Please?” I pleaded. “Please, I won’t tell Mom. I won’t tell anyone.” I felt my eyes begin to water. My voice slowly breaking.

“I can’t, Gabrielle.” He wouldn’t look me in the eye. “Things are complicated right now. I just- I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Please, Dad. I need you.” I felt myself begging. It was humiliating.

“I have a wife, Gabrielle. We have three children. There’s just- ” He began.

“No room for me.” I finished.

“Let me help.” He took out a pen, an began to scribble away. I could hear the tearing of a check. He slipped it across the table. “Please.”

“I’m not going to let you pay off your own conscience.” I glanced down at the check. Five thousand dollars. I took it in both hands and ripped it in half. “You deserve to live with this.” I wiped the stray tears from my checks.

“Gabrielle I-.”

“My Mother was right about you.” I narrowed my eyes at him.

I hailed a taxi as quickly as I could, or at least I told myself that. Even as I looked over my shoulder, he didn’t follow after me. The taxi took me where I need to be and I overpaid him. The glow of Central Park appealed to me. I knew Johnnie wouldn’t be there. Not this early.

I was wrong.

“What are you doing here?” My eyes went wide.

“Just in case.” He put his hands in his pockets. “Hey.” He looked at my reddened eyes. “What happened?”

“I-” I began, but I couldn’t finish. I just started crying. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t pretend I was okay. Not even a little bit.

“Gabrielle.” He wrapped his arms around me and I clutched to him, crying into his chest. “I’m sorry.” He breathed.

It took me at least half an hour to calm down. He didn’t complain. He didn’t object. He didn’t complain about his shirt, or comment on the fact that I had cried off almost all of my make-up. He didn’t comment on my swollen eyes. He didn’t even speak. He just sat there with me.

We laid on the boulder, his body faced one direction and mine the opposite, our heads, lining up. His face was turned to the side, I felt him watching me and I didn’t want him to stop. I was staring up at the clear sky, and in the corner of my eye I could catch a glimpse of him.

“He tried to pay me off.” I finally broke the silence. “It was like hush money. He doesn’t want me, Johnnie.” I frowned. “The movies try to make it like there’s always this fantastic reunion, but there isn’t.” I said bitterly. “And I really wanted it to be that way.” I felt my voice fall to a weak whisper.

“I know.” He agreed.

“It never happens that way, does it.” I felt embarrassed for thinking that Benjamin Danes was capable of that much deep rooted emotion.

“That’s not true.”

“He didn’t even want to have another lunch with me. He wouldn’t even take a walk with me. I wasn’t even worth sneaking around for.” I mumbled more to myself than to him.

“Yes you are.” His eyes were fixed on the sky now.

“He has a wife.”I blurted. “She’s probably perfect, and beautiful. She’s probably too good for him.” I added.

“Probably.” He nodded.

“They have three children.” I continued.

“Wow.” He wanted to say more, I know he did.

“They probably go to private school. They probably have a beautiful brownstone. A golden retriever, even. I always wanted one of those.” I was growing tiresome of my own voice.

“It’s likely.” He concurred.

“Are you getting tired of hearing my voice?” I sat up as all of my hair swung to one side, falling partially in my face.

“No.” He got up and swatted at his shirt.

“I am.” I looked down and began to trace nonexistent patterns onto the smooth surface of the boulder. He put his hand over mine, stopping me. I looked back up at him.

“Are you alright?” He was searching my eyes.

“I will be.” I secured my hand in his and quietly sat next to him. He averted his eyes and was fixated on something outward bound. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.” He nodded absently.

“Look at me.” He turned his face towards mine carefully. I leaned my mouth towards his. His lips were only moments away, before he spoke again.

“Are you going to regret this?” I could feel his lips touching mine as he spoke.

“No.” I lied.

I could feel his warm breath on my lips. I put a hand on his cheek and it was smooth. His lips came to mine and I met him part of the way. They were soft, sweet, and he tasted like spearmint. I put my other hand on the back of his neck and he ran a hand through my hair. I pulled away from him and I could feel myself beaming like an idiot I bit my lip to suppress the grin.

“I love when you do that.” He laughed and kissed the corner of my mouth and ran his lips over mine softly before pushing his lips against my own. I kissed back as he deepened the kiss, pulling me in closer to him. His lips brushed mine one more time before he pulled away.

“It’s a bad habit, you know.” I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Not to me.” He kissed me once more, but I didn’t pull away. I didn’t want to. Sure, it would mean much, but I couldn’t lie to myself, his lips went well with mine. They were soft and mixed perfectly with the reminisce of my honey flavored chap-stick.

Not once did I open my eyes.