Twisted Symphony

“The Kardashian’s?” I raised an eyebrow and wrapped his sweater tighter around me. He carried my heels in one hand.

“You asked.” The yellow street lights illuminated his shining face.

“Really?” I narrowed my eyes, looking up at him.

“Come on, it’s not so bad.” He defended.

“That’s bad.” I shake my head no. I pictured it, and it wasn’t that hard. “You watch the spin-off’s don’t you? Courtney and Kim take New York?” I kind of already knew the answer.

“Yup.” He answered shamelessly.

“Wow.” I but back a laugh.

“And you’re perfect? You have no guilty pleasures?” He motioned towards a gyro kart and laced my fingers into his as we waited in line.

“None.” I shrugged.

“Really?” He didn’t believe me. I didn’t believe me.

“There’s always you.” I squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. “If that counts.” I teased.

“It doesn’t.” His face went stiff for a second, but then went soft again. It bothered him when I spoke like that, but I didn’t know what else to do, because almost everything inside me told me this wouldn’t work, but I wouldn’t listen. At least, not until the summer ended. I promised myself.

“Fine. Then, Matthew McConaughey movies.” I was only half ashamed.

“Seriously?” He snorted.

“What can I say? He’s beautiful.” I sighed lightly at the thought of him. “But his movies, they’re just so bad.” I nodded.

“They’re not all so bad.” He tried to comfort me. “No. Nope. They’re pretty terrible.” He shrugged and proceeded to order food for two.

“I’m not hungry.” I interjected. He narrowed his eyes at me in disbelief. “We just ate at that sushi place a couple of hours ago.”

“I’m a growing boy.” He defended, and changed his order.

“You’re going to be a thousand pounds.” I crooned.

“Never.”

“How so?” I didn’t understand.

“Good genetics.” He confirmed cockily. It made me wonder.

“What’s your family like?” Perfect probably. He lead me towards a bench and began to fork food into his mouth. “Never mind.” I paused for a moment. The summer wouldn’t last forever.

“You don’t want to know?” He looked slightly taken aback as he wiped his mouth with a napkin.

“How is this going to work? You know, Kayla? And me. And you.” It sound terrible from the moment that it came out of my mouth.

“Don’t say it like that.” Johnnie’s face took on this contorted expression.

“That’s how it is.” I said more to myself than to him.

“Well, you’re the one that’s ashamed of me.” He teased. “You obviously only want me for my body.” He take another bite of his gyro.

“So, I’m just suppose to tell her.” I bit at my lip and feel his eyes wander to my mouth.

“What’s she going to do? Bitch slap you? You could take her.” I took a napkin and wiped the corner of his mouth. He was a messy eater.

“It’s not funny, Johnnie. I just- I don’t have a lot here.” I shrugged, dropping my hands into my lap and crumpling the napkin up in my palm.

“Hey.” He pushed aside his empty Styrofoam tray. “I’m sorry.” He put his hand over mine.

“It’s getting late.” I looked at the clock on my phone.

“Don’t do that.” He refused to break eye contact.

“Just give me some time.” I glance down for a second. “I’ll tell her, but we should get back.” I motion towards the cabs moving past us.

“Why?” He seemed disappointed and slightly skeptical.

“Um.” I shrugged. “I’m tired.” I faked a yawn as convincingly as I could.

“Did I do something?” Maybe he could see right through me.

He hadn’t done anything wrong. I had gotten myself in this position. I had gotten myself here. I had broken my promise to Kayla and I would have to be the one to tell her, because in too many ways I felt like the other woman. It felt like I had stolen him. It felt as if I had to share him, but I didn’t. And maybe I had stole him, but that was never my intention. I had never tried. I had never done it on purpose. I didn’t even want him at first. He had pursued me. It wasn’t Johnnie’s fault, it was mine.

“No.” I shook my head.

I woke up extremely uncomfortable. My face was pushed against piano keys and still I wished I was sleeping. I fell asleep around four in the morning practicing a piece for one of my teachers that keeps telling me I need to work on my playing fluency. He compared my playing to smashing plates in sequence. Needless to say, that wasn’t a good day.

“Where were you last night?” Kayla mumbled from her pillow.

“Practice rooms.” I yawned.

“Did you sleep I there?” Kayla squeaks.

“Yeah,” I smile weakly and pull my hair into a ponytail.

“So now would not be the best time to ask for your help?” She began to sit up in her bed.

“With?”

“Johnnie.” Great.

“What’s up?” I began to pull out clean clothes and a fresh towel from my drawers. I couldn’t tell her that she should just let it go. No.

“He’s been incredibly low key lately. Like he’s been castrated or something.” She was trying to piece together something in her head, I could see it on her face. “Have you ever been in love?” She furrowed her brows together curiously.

“No.” I wish I had, but I hadn’t.

“Neither has he.” She looked up at me. “I asked him once, and he was honest with me. I know he’s never been in love with me, but I still wondered if he’d ever been in love.”

“He said that love was a strong word that was overused.” She shrugged.

“Yeah?” I narrowed my eyes curiously.

“But then he told me that you can only fall in love when you give someone complete control of your emotions, and that he would never do that. And he would know when it happened, because his sisters always told him he wouldn’t be able to control it, he’d fall flat on his ass when it happened.” She smiled at the memory and for a second I wished I was there to hear him tell me something so personal. What did I know about him? I tried to convince myself it was straight pillow talk.

“He told you all that?” I felt a lurching in my stomach.

“Yeah she nodded. He used to tell me everything. We were best friends, I told you.” She shrugged nostalgically.

“And then what happened?”

“I got weird and obsessed with him, and vulnerable, and I ruined everything with sex.” She sighed.

“Kayla.” I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, but the lurching was still there.

“I think, if I could take it back and make things the way they were I would, just to really know him again.” She collapsed back onto her pillow.

“Really?” She was more interesting than I cared to admit.

“I don’t know.” She mumbled. “Maybe I should try the friend thing, before there’s anyone else.”

“There is no one else.” I felt myself tense slightly.

Time started to move faster after that day.


“Favorite color?” I giggled as Johnnie tickled my sides and I tried to resist.

We were laying under a shady tree in a crevice of central park and it’s seemingly endless fields. It was a perfect Wednesday afternoon and Fitz’s class had ended hours ago. A soft blanket lay beneath us.

“Mmm Yellow.” He hovered over me and pecked my lips.

“Yellow?” I scrunched up my nose.

“Yeah.” He nodded and the dimples in his cheeks grew even more prominent. I touched his cheek with my hand before he touched my sides and I busted out into another childish fit of giggles.

“Stop it.” I ordered unconvincingly, a grin consuming my face.

“I like your laugh.” He laid down next to me and gently pulled me closer to him. I smiled and rested my head on his chest. He wrapped on arm around me and laced the other into my hand.

“Mine’s purple.” I reciprocated my own question.

“Favorite food.”

“French fries. But they have to be from this french fry place down in Soho.” He played with my fingers.

“There’s a place that just sells french fries?” New York was strange.

“Yeah. There’s tons of places like that. There’s this one place that just sells chilly, another that just sells macaroni and cheese, and then there’s this salad place called chopped, it’s just salads.” He explained it as if he knew how insane it sounded.

“Why can’t they just-”

“I know. It just makes more sense if I take you. What about you? What’s your favorite.”

“Those s’mores poptart’s. With the marshmallow and the chocolate in the middle? So good.” I reminisced.

“That’s not even a food.” He mocked.

“It’s breakfast pastry.” I defended.

“My mom doesn’t let my little sister come with ten feet of those things before one in the afternoon.”

“Tell her to freeze them.” I advise. “With vanilla ice cream.” I added.

“Are you hungry?” He looked towards a backpack he had brought along with him.

“Probably.” I nodded.

“Here.” He handed me a deli-wrapped sandwich. “Bologna on white.” He smiled. “Iced tea or apple juice?” He held up the two plastic bottles.

“Apple juice.” He twisted the cap open and handed it to me. “Thank you.” I took a sip.

“You want to do something tonight?” He took a sip of iced tea.

“Like what?” I took another bite of my sandwich.

“Well, it’s been a couple of weeks. My family is asking about you.” He looked down nervously for a split second, then back up.

“You told them?” I felt my eyes go wide.

“Why wouldn’t I? You are my girlfriend. I just- I don’t really bring girls home, so they’re a little anxious to meet you.” He smiled nervously.

“Today?”

“Yeah.” He laughed.

“What am I suppose to wear?” I paniced.

“Whatever you want. It’s Sarah’s birthday.”

“A party! I can’t handle this Johnnie!”

“Sarah is turning five and she loves princesses, I promise you’ll be fine.” He says reassuringly. “I thought you said all your sisters were older than you?” My eyebrows knitted together.

“She’s my baby cousin, my aunt and uncle died in a car accident when she was really little and they left her to us.” He explained.

“That’s sweet of you. What if they don’t like me ? What should I wear?” I was already trying to piece together the perfect outfit, the perfect excuse for Kayla.

“Anything you want. I swear, everyone is going to be dressed casually except for Sarah. She might just show up in a pink princess dress and a crown.” He smiled.

“Promise?” I felt my heart in my throat.

“I promise. Listen to me okay?” He takes either side of my face into his hands. “They’ll love you. You can do this! Come on this is not you! You don’t panic like this! Nod yes, because you can do this right?” He nodded.

“Uh-huh.” I said through muffled, squished cheeks.

“That’s more like it.” He let go.

“Don’t you think it’s too early for me to meet them Johnnie?”

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay.” His tone dropped. I could tell that it was not okay.

“I do want to! I just don’t want you to feel obligated to do this.” I shrugged timidly.

“No. I want this, I want them to meet you! Besides, I want them to see you’re not pretend because they don’t believe me.” He explained
.
Then I realize how amazing this is, and In a few hours I will have something that Kayla will never ever have and that makes me feel amazing. I know that makes me sound like a terrible person, but in a few hours I will have the label of his girlfriend to his entire family and she’ll still be nothing.

And to be honest, I was completely terrified.