Twisted Symphony

“Will you ever come back?” Sarah looked at me with big glassy eyes, soft curls bobbing up and down. She stood, shocked in front of the couch.

“Of course.”Johnnie pulled her into his lap. “She’ll be back.” She sniffled and shook her head doubtfully.

“How do you know? What if she goes home and she doesn’t like you anymore?” Sarah looked at me skeptically, as if I was going to disappear.

“That’s not going to happen.” I touched her hand softly. She had broken out into a crying fit when Johnnie told her that I would be catching a flight home later that night.

“Well, how do you know? It’s not like you’re married. It’s not like you have to be together forever.” She cried.

“Do you remember that dress that Francesca got with you a few months ago?” She turned her head as far as she could to face him.

“For the wedding.” She added.

“Gabrielle will be there too. She’ll be here for a whole three days and she’ll watch you throw the flowers for Francesca and Tom.” He smiled.

“If you’re lying to me I’m going to tell Evangeline.” She narrowed her eyes at him and wagged her small pointer finger at him.

“It’s true!” I smiled.

“Do you love each other?” A big grin broke out onto her small face. Johnnie looked at me, and I looked at him as his face grew hot. “You do! You made him all pink!” She shouted victoriously, jumping out of his lap.

“Pizza is here!” Logan shouted from the kitchen, but I could only faintly hear him.

“Pizza, pizza, pizza! This is the Pizza song. Pizza pizza pizza I’ll eat it all night long!” Sarah sang to herself as she skipped down the hallway.

“No you won’t! I can’t handle another stomach ache at two in the morning.” Johnnie followed after her.

“Come on.” He motioned towards me.

“They didn’t have to move pizza night for me.” He backtracked and pulled me by the hand.

“It was my Mom.” He smiled. “She wanted to.” Then we both went silent, a smile on his face.

“I’m going to miss you.” I said softly, holding onto his side as he guided me into the kitchen.

“I’m still here.” He squeezed my shoulder, keeping his same optimist attitude.

Not for long.



“We’re going to miss you so much, Gabrielle.” Francesca gave me another emotional squeeze as we stood outside the doors of my terminal at LaGuardia. Francesca insisted that her, Sarah, and Evangeline come.

“I miss you already.” Her eyes began to fill with tears, and I could feel my own welling up. Sarah had already burst into her third fit of tears since we had began the drive. It was getting more difficult to think of letting go of his hand. My fingers felt strange when they weren’t laced into his, and that scared me.

“Let them say goodbye.” Evangeline pulled at Francesca softly. Sarah gave me one more tight hug, before letting go. I pulled Johnnie’s fingers out of mine so I could give Sarah a full hug.

“I’ll miss you, beautiful.” I wiped the tears carefully from her eyes. “Don’t cry, you’re going to make me cry.” I hugged her once more, and Francesca guided her into the car.

“I’ll see you soon, Gabrielle.” Evangeline wrapped me into a tight hug. “We’ll be here.” She motioned towards the doors. Johnnie rolled my suitcase with one hand and pulled me by the hand with the other.

I couldn’t stop looking at him like he was going to disappear, but maybe it’s because he was. Blonde hair peaked out from beneath his blue zip up, and his white t-shirt remained exposed, illuminating his skin. I was trying to drink him in, as if I was going to forget his every detail. We stopped before my gate. He couldn’t go any further, and I felt his grip tighten on my hand. He let go of my suitcase and turned to me. I was already looking at him. I could feel my face flushing, my eyes welling. No. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“It’s not forever.” He took both sides of my face and held it gently in his hands. “Babe, please don’t cry.” He was pleading with me. “I can’t handle it.” He looked directly into my eyes, his face beginning to flush with emotion. He was doing all he could to keep his front together, but it was crumbling all at once. He touched his forehead to mine. “ It’s going to be okay.” He said softly, his lips nearly touching mine with every word.

“I know.” I felt tears begin to slip down my cheeks. I didn’t want to cry, but I couldn’t help it. “I miss you.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in. I held onto him so tightly, taking in his sent, his heart, his breath. I was grasping all that I could. It was impossible. I felt myself crying harder, softly shaking. Johnnie had a firm grip on my waist.

“This is so hard.” I heard him mumble to himself.

“I don’t want to let go.” I whispered. “What if I forget your smell?” I blurted without thinking. “I’ve gotten so use to it, and now I won’t have it.” A stray tear rolled down my cheek.

“You won’t.” He laughed. “But in case you do, here.” He removed his sweatshirt and wrapped me in it. I slipped my arms were his had been only seconds ago. He zipped it up for me, all the way to the top and touched my chin. “You look great in it.”

“And what if you forget-,” I began, wrapping my arms around his neck once more.

“Chanel.” He says without even thinking. “Chanel Chance, actually.” This fact caused a small smile to break out on my lips. I wanted to guess that there was a bottle of Chanel somewhere with my name on it. I gave him a soft smile. “We can do this.” He reassured me while giving m another squeeze.

“It hurts so much more than I thought it would.” I roughly wiped at my tears.

“It’s suppose to.” His face flushed once more and looked down. I looked down, trying to swallow the enormous lump in my throat.

“Gabrielle?” He tilted my chin up.

“Yes?” I sniffled, looking up at him.

“I love you… I- I love you so much.”

“Oh.” I bit at my lip.

“If you’re not ready I-”

“I love you too.” I felt the smile break across my lips. I kissed his lips and he pulled back from me. He was surprised at first, but then his body wasn’t tense anymore. His lips were kissing against mine, and I realized that this was our last kiss for months. “I have no idea how I’m going to do this.”

“We will.” He pressed his lips softly to mine.

“We will.” I laced my fingers into his for the last time.

“I love you, Gabrielle.” I liked the way my name sounded coming from his mouth. I loved the dazed way that he looked at me when he told me he loved me. There it was again.

“I love you too.” I smiled.

“We’ve got this. Okay? It’ll go by before you know it.” He pushed my hair behind my ears and pulled at my suitcase.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” I held back the emotions that were begging to consume my face.

“Like crazy.” He smiled.

“Flight 319 to Chicago Illinois, now boarding.” A loud speaker interjected.

“So I guess this is goodbye.” I took the handle of my suitcase, my hands hidden by the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

“No it’s not. I’ll see you later, okay?” He took my face in his hands once more. “Okay?”

“Flight 319 to Chicago Illinois, now boarding.”

“Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll see you later.” I took a few steps closer to the ticket line, and turned back towards him. It felt like he was light-years away already. I felt the knot grow in my stomach, and shot back towards him like a magnetic pull was carrying me towards him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled at my waist. It was as if we couldn’t get close enough.

“It feels like goodbye.” I nearly cried.

“It’s not.” He whispered. “I promise.” I shook my head no. “You trust me right?”

“Of course.” I pulled back to look him in the eyes.

“Then believe me when I tell you, it’s not. I won’t let it be.”

“Flight 319 to Chicago Illinois, final call.” The ticket agent called.

“Okay.” I nodded childishly, big brown orbs staring back at him. Trusting him. “I love you.” I gave him one more squeeze before forcing myself to pull away from him, his scent, his skin, his voice; and walk back towards my suitcase.

“I love you more.”

And just like that, he was gone. And I was walking through an air tunnel, already living off the fresh memories I had just recorded in my mind. It still felt like goodbye.