‹ Prequel: Fix Me, Conflict Me
Status: updates when inspiration and free time collide.
This Deafening Silence
Footsteps Through that Open Door.
I decided to go see Alex again in the hospital today. When he told me to “Fuck off”? When he told me to “Fuck off”? I got past the shock and hurt fairly quickly and was just indescribably mad at him, so I went home straight away. But, I was too worried about him all night to sleep well. I woke up early and grabbed some Chick-fil-A before heading to the hospital again. I had to wait a little bit until visiting hours officially started, and then they let me see Alex. I knocked a few times, but then I felt like an idiot. Alex was deaf, he couldn’t hear that anymore! I sighed and just opened the door, letting myself in.
“Maddie!” Alex said my name, and I couldn’t help but smile. Even though he couldn’t hear me, at least I could still hear him. I walked over to his bed, putting the food I brought for us to share down after taking the hospital food away. “Maddie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“
I wordlessly stuffed a chicken mini into his mouth before taking everything out of the bag. I bought four four-count chicken mini meals because I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning and I figured Alex would be starving, two orange juices and milks each, and, of course, strawberry jelly and Chick-fil-a sauce…all of Alex’s favorites. Alex took the chicken mini out of his mouth before squirting some jelly on it and eating it properly this time.
Jack said Alex couldn’t hear, but could talk just fine, so I brought a little notepad and pen with me so he would be able to understand me. Alex would get better at lip reading, I hoped, but until then, I didn’t mind writing to him. I wrote down,
Better than hospital food?
And pushed the notepad towards him so he could see it.
Alex grinned, drinking some milk before talking to me again. “Oh, yes, much better than hospital food.”
I nodded and dipped my hash browns into the Chick-fil-A sauce. I only ate the hash browns and drank the orange juice because I didn’t eat meat. The rest of it was for Alex. “Maddie?” Alex said my name, so I looked up at him attentively. “Can you act normal around me?” I cocked my head to one side questioningly. “I mean, can you…like…not act like I’m going to break? I’m already broken here,” I heard him mumble the last sentence, rubbing his ears.
I bit my lip before taking his hand in mine and nodding, doing my best not to cry. I wish I knew what he was going through so I could empathize, because I felt like nothing I could do right now would comfort him in any way at all. “Do you know when I can be released from the hospital?” Alex asked, opening up another box of chicken minis.
I licked my lips nervously. Jack warned that Alex would ask that, but…I really didn’t want to answer with the answer Jack gave me. I don’t know why I wrote it down anyways.
The doctors said you need to live with someone that can take care of you, and since you live with your parents, they need to know that you’re deaf now to take care of you.
Alex grimaced, opening another bottle of milk, as well. “Shit, I forgot they don’t know… Why do they need to know?” Alex whined, making me roll my eyes.
Well, they are your parents. They love you. They deserve should know. You do live with them…deafness would be hard to hide from them…
“Good point,” Alex said with a pout.
I got a bright idea and grabbed the notepad again so I could write down,
Do you want to move in with me?
Alex’s face fell momentarily. “...This is just because I’m deaf now, isn’t it.”
No, I want you to move in with me.
Alex still didn’t seemed so convinced, so I got up and hugged him.
He only sighed. “I can’t even hear your heartbeat…”
I grabbed my notepad and his hand, writing something down before pressing his hand to my chest.
But you can still feel it.
“Maddie!” Alex said my name, and I couldn’t help but smile. Even though he couldn’t hear me, at least I could still hear him. I walked over to his bed, putting the food I brought for us to share down after taking the hospital food away. “Maddie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“
I wordlessly stuffed a chicken mini into his mouth before taking everything out of the bag. I bought four four-count chicken mini meals because I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning and I figured Alex would be starving, two orange juices and milks each, and, of course, strawberry jelly and Chick-fil-a sauce…all of Alex’s favorites. Alex took the chicken mini out of his mouth before squirting some jelly on it and eating it properly this time.
Jack said Alex couldn’t hear, but could talk just fine, so I brought a little notepad and pen with me so he would be able to understand me. Alex would get better at lip reading, I hoped, but until then, I didn’t mind writing to him. I wrote down,
Better than hospital food?
And pushed the notepad towards him so he could see it.
Alex grinned, drinking some milk before talking to me again. “Oh, yes, much better than hospital food.”
I nodded and dipped my hash browns into the Chick-fil-A sauce. I only ate the hash browns and drank the orange juice because I didn’t eat meat. The rest of it was for Alex. “Maddie?” Alex said my name, so I looked up at him attentively. “Can you act normal around me?” I cocked my head to one side questioningly. “I mean, can you…like…not act like I’m going to break? I’m already broken here,” I heard him mumble the last sentence, rubbing his ears.
I bit my lip before taking his hand in mine and nodding, doing my best not to cry. I wish I knew what he was going through so I could empathize, because I felt like nothing I could do right now would comfort him in any way at all. “Do you know when I can be released from the hospital?” Alex asked, opening up another box of chicken minis.
I licked my lips nervously. Jack warned that Alex would ask that, but…I really didn’t want to answer with the answer Jack gave me. I don’t know why I wrote it down anyways.
The doctors said you need to live with someone that can take care of you, and since you live with your parents, they need to know that you’re deaf now to take care of you.
Alex grimaced, opening another bottle of milk, as well. “Shit, I forgot they don’t know… Why do they need to know?” Alex whined, making me roll my eyes.
Well, they are your parents. They love you. They deserve should know. You do live with them…deafness would be hard to hide from them…
“Good point,” Alex said with a pout.
I got a bright idea and grabbed the notepad again so I could write down,
Do you want to move in with me?
Alex’s face fell momentarily. “...This is just because I’m deaf now, isn’t it.”
No, I want you to move in with me.
Alex still didn’t seemed so convinced, so I got up and hugged him.
He only sighed. “I can’t even hear your heartbeat…”
I grabbed my notepad and his hand, writing something down before pressing his hand to my chest.
But you can still feel it.
♠ ♠ ♠
i feel like a failure. i got a 1700 the first time i took the SAT,and the second time...i got a 1740. my reading score went up
and my math score went down. either way...i hate myself.
fingers crossed that i do better on the ACT this weekend,
which is why i'm updating this now - won't be able to later.
damn, i know i'm not stupid, i just suck at standardized tests...
leave me comments and brighten my day ♡
i have become increasingly overwhelmed, but not discouraged.