This Deafening Silence

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I stood in front of the TV, blocking Alex’s view. “Maddie,” Alex whined, trying to look at the TV behind me.

“No, Lex. Get dressed,” I said, making sure to speak slowly and move my mouth a lot more so he could tell what I was saying. He was good at reading lips now.

“I am dressed,” Alex scoffed, gesturing to his shirt and boxers.

I scowled and grabbed some clothes for Alex – jeans, shirt, hoodie, beanie. “No, dressed,” I repeated, throwing the clothes onto him before going to our room to get dressed myself – shirt, cardigan, skinny jeans, scarf, beanie…

“Why?” Alex asked, walking into the room with the clothes in his fist.

I turned to look at him, taking his face between my hands. “We’re going out on a date.”

Alex frowned at my lips, brow arched in a silent question, but when I repeated myself, his features paled. “We’re going on a date?” he finally caught on, eyes widening more when I nodded happily. “Maddie, I really don’t think that’s a good idea…”

I snatched some paper off my desk before sharpie-ing the words,

your deafness is nothing to be ashamed of.

Because even though he would never admit it, he really was.

Alex was so ashamed of and insecure about his deafness that he never wanted to go out anymore. I loved him, but I hated how he always stayed holed up in my apartment feeling sorry for himself. The pity party was over, though. I was ending it right fucking now, whether he liked it or not.

Alex stared at the paper before nodding, grabbing it, and balling it up in his fist. Then he surprised me by kissing me hard. “I love you,” he sighed after one of the most intense kisses we’ve shared in…a while.

Alex directed so much of his time, energy, and anger to torturous, masochistic tendencies. He wouldn’t hurt himself physically, but mentally – pretending to listen to his iPod, trying to play guitar, having a go at the keyboard. That mental abuse was even worse, though. Once, I came home to Alex snapping the strings off his guitar. I don’t know why he did that to himself sometimes.

“I’m gonna shower, then I’ll get dressed and we can get lost, alright?” I nodded and Alex gave me one more short, sweet kiss before heading to the bathroom.

I was beyond excited. This was the first time I’d been able to get him out of the apartment for a while now. I grabbed my purse and my keys, lounging out on the couch as I waited for Alex. I’d be driving tonight…

“Where are we going?” Alex asked about ten minutes into the drive.

“It’s a surprise,” I told him, turning to face him at the stop sign. Alex pouted, but leaned back and rolled his beanie down over his eyes. We were at the ice skating rink a few minutes later, so after parking, I unbuckled and pushed Alex’s beanie back up.

“Maddie. Ice skating? Really?” Alex said flatly when he caught sight of the cast expanse of ice behind me. “Maddie, I can’t do this,” he whined when I pulled him to the kiosk where we rented ice skates. But I got those ice skates on him despite all his protests, though.

Ice skating was kind of fun, especially since neither of us really knew how to skate. Alex never let me go, but I couldn’t tell if that was because he wanted to hold my hand or because he would fall on the ice otherwise. We got pretty good at it after a while, though, and we even started racing each other on the ice a little bit. After a good hour out there, we were pretty cold and tired, so we hit up a Starbucks on the way home.

Alex and I both got hot chocolate, but he drank his with some madeleines while I got some biscotti. We were arguing over which one went better with hot chocolate. Such a simple date, but it was the most fun we’d had on a date in ages. Alex felt the same way, I could tell. When we finished eating and drinking, we cuddled on the couch by the fake fire when some flashing camera caught us off guard.

“What the fuck, Lauren! You said the flash was off!” a nearby teenage girl hissed.

“Sorry, Bianca,” the one with the camera mumbled in apology.

Alex face palmed before wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my hair. “Hide me,” he jokingly whispered.

“Sorry,” the one called Bianca told us now. “We just couldn’t believe it was actually you, Alex…”

“Where’s Lisa?” Lauren, the annoying one, asked.

The very mention of Lisa irritated me.

“Let’s get out of here,” Alex whined, nuzzling my neck before pulling me to my feet. “Look, you guys, I’m sorry, but I’m just not feeling up for this right now,” Alex apologized, hugging both of the girls before walking with me to the car. “Can we just go back to your place?” he mumbled, going through his phone. The ride home was silent and I was feeling a pretty negative vibe from him now.

“Are you alright?” I asked hesitantly. Alex didn’t hear me, though – he walked into the house first so he could open the door for me, and he kept his eyes glued to the ground. I stopped and took his face in my hands again so he could look at me. “Are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah…it’s just…Maddie, what if they figured out I’m deaf? Then that shit’s gonna get out on the internet, and then –“

“Lex. Lex, you stop that.” Alex sighed and let his head fall onto my shoulder. “Did you at least have fun tonight?”

“What?” he had to ask, pulling back to see my face.

“Did you have fun tonight?”

Alex grinned and surprised me by lifting me into his arms bridal style. “Of course. I always have fun with you,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows as he laid me down on the couch before joining me on it, and his innuendo made me laugh. He was just about to kiss me when he suddenly pulled back. “Um. Your boob is vibrating.”

I blushed and dug my phone out of my breast pocket, but when I saw who it was that called, I frowned and gently pushed Alex off me, raising a finger to indicate that he should wait. I went inside my room and answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hello, Miss Bonner. This is Dr. Patterson. I’m calling about Alex…”