This Deafening Silence

I was so relieved when I heard the voicemail. All Alex’s parents wanted was for us to pick up Sebastian. I decided to surprise Alex, though. I told him I went grocery shopping when I actually dropped by his parents’ house.

“Maddie, darling! So good to see you!” Mrs. Gaskarth greeted me warmly, hugging me and everything. I was a little surprised, myself. “Do come in, dearest…”

“Oh, hello, Madison,” Mr. Gaskarth said from the living room couch. Baz leapt down from his lap and ran to me. I hadn’t seen the little furball in ages. I picked him up and hugged him tightly, laughing when he licked my face. “Where’s Alex? He didn’t accompany you?”

“He’s pretty busy with band stuff right now,” I lied smoothly, shrugging for added effect.

“Then it’ll just be you joining us for lunch today,” Mrs. Gaskarth declared as she pulled me towards the direction of the kitchen.

“O-Oh, Mrs. Gaskarth, I’d hate to impose…”

“Nonsense, Maddie, I insist.”

The Gaskarths had such a tasty lunch prepared that I felt bad for Alex because he was missing out on it, but then again I was glad that he wasn’t here. His parents would have flipped a shit about his deafness. I ate so much of the soup and salad that I really had no room for the tasty looking pasta they made. Mrs. Gaskarth packed up the leftovers for me to bring back to Alex, though. Such a good mom.

“How’s my son treating you, darling?” Mrs. Gaskarth asked as I helped myself to seconds of the tomato soup. I loved that stuff.

“Wonderfully, Mrs. Gaskarth,” I laughed lightly, sprinkling my soup with goldfish.

She laughed when I did that. “Alex does the exact same thing to his tomato soup!” Lunch with the Gaskarths was mostly spent poking fun at Alex and talking about funny childhood stories of his, but then it somehow transitioned into what a perfect couple we are and how right we are for each other.

Well, that’s what his parents thought. I wasn’t so sure about that sometimes. Lately, I felt like we were both falling, but since we had each other to fall on, we weren’t falling to the ground just yet.

Alex’s parents were so nice. I felt pretty awkward and super nervous since this was my first time spending so much time with them. And Alex wasn’t even here with me! Hopefully I left a good impression. Alex would never get to know my parents. I wanted to be on good terms with his.

“It was lovely having you over, darling,” Mrs. Gaskarth said as she walked me out of the house. Mr. Gaskarth came along, too, holding Baz on his leash and his dog food. I was carrying Baz’s bed and toys. Mrs. Gaskarth had the food in her arms. They helped me load up my car. I put Baz in the shotgun seat.

“Next time you drop by, do bring Alex, would you?”

“Of course, Mrs. Gaskarth.”

“Drive safely,” said Mr. Gaskarth, petting Baz through the open window.

“Thanks so much for having me!” We said our goodbyes and I drove back to the apartment. Baz would cheer Alex up so much, I just knew it. It was only when I parked that I realized just how much time I’d spent at the Gaskarth household. I don’t know if I should be offended or not that Alex didn’t bother to contact me at all during this two hour time span. He probably thought I was busy shopping, though, like I said I would be.

I did my best to quietly sneak into the apartment. I had half a mind to yell. “Alex! I’m home!” but then I remembered he was deaf and I felt like a fucking asshole. I brought Baz and all his stuff in, placing his bed by the sofa and keeping a tight hold on his leash. Alex was probably taking a nap in our room. I was about to go wake him up when I noticed my perfume sitting on the kitchen counter – DKNY Green Apple. I guess I just left it there and forgot. I sprayed some on my wrists and neck before opening up our room. “Alex, look who I’ve got!”

But Alex was laying in bed with some girl riding him. Neither of them seemed to notice my presence, so she rode him until he came. I felt my face heat up in anger, angry tears ready to spill from my eyes. Baz started barking at the girl, though, which caught her attention and made her turn around.

“The blindfold was pretty kinky, Maddie,” Alex laughed breathlessly, sitting up. “I’m gonna use it on you next…” He slid the thing blue fabric off his eyes with a lazy grin…which quickly vanished.

“Can you please leave,” I said as civilly as possible, speaking to the girl.

“What if Alex wants me to stay?” she asked, crawling over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. Alex wasn’t even looking at her, though. He was only staring at me with apology all over his face.

“This is my apartment, and I asked you to leave.”

“Alex, babe –“

“Could you just go, Jasey,” Alex sighed, shrugging off her touch.

This Jasey girl definitely did the walk of shame out of my apartment, her clothes half on and her hair seriously disheveled. Baz leapt up onto the bed, but Alex didn’t even pet him. “Maddie?” he called my name as I leaned back onto the wall, pinching the bridge of my nose and forcing myself to breathe slowly so I wouldn’t blow up at him.

I couldn’t blow up at him for this – he was deaf. That girl blindfolded him and sprayed herself with my perfume to trick him. Alex was the victim here…right?

He pulled on his boxers and slowly made his way towards me. “Maddie…Maddie-bear…” I backed up before he could touch me. He swallowed hard and let his hands drop limply to his sides. His skin still glistened with sweat, his hair was matted down on his forehead, and the room reeked of sex. “Maddie, I’m-“ I wordlessly held up my hand – a signal that he just needed to shut the fuck up. He reluctantly stopped talking.

Next, I pointed at the bathroom. Alex grabbed his towel and walked to the bathroom like a dog with its tail between its legs. I sank down onto the couch, hugged my knees to my chest, and cried so hard.

I knew I loved Alex because I could never stay mad at him, or even get mad at him, for that matter. It’s just…how did that girl even get in here? Do I just trust Alex too much? Do I love him more than he loves me? These thoughts were making my head and heart hurt, but the sight of Alex and that girl getting it on in our bed, no less, was forever burned into the back of my eyelids.

I can’t even be mad at that girl because…I kind of understand. I’d probably do anything to get Alex back, but at the same time I knew I wouldn’t sabotage his happiness if he’d found it with someone else. Damn, I’m selfless. Or am I selfish? Fuck.

I hadn’t heard the water start, so I looked up. Alex was standing in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist, watching me intently. Somewhere inside, I snapped. I grabbed my shoe and chucked it at him as hard as I could, screaming, “Take a fucking shower!”

Alex closed the door just in time, though. After hitting the door hard – I could see the new dent from here – the shoe fell to the ground and the water in the shower started. Wiping my eyes somewhat dry, I got up and called Bailey.

“Maddie! Hey, girl, I was just thinking about calling you! Oh my god, guess what, guess what, guess what!

“Bailey?”

“Zack proposed!” Bailey squealed, oblivious to me. That’s the way it was supposed to be, though. Bailey had every right to be blissfully happy and unaware of the outside world.

“Bay, that’s great… Could I, uh, talk to you later?”

“Alright, Maddie!”

I hung up and went to the kitchen to splash some water on my face before scribbling a little note to Alex, grabbing my keys, and leaving yet again.

I kept a spare pack of razorblades hidden in my car for times like this.