Speechless

After practically living with Oli for a week, I decided it was about time to spend a night in my own bed. The only time I was ever home was to get clothes or to check in with my mom. Surprisingly, she was fine with me staying at a guys, as long as I was safe. She knew Oli and I were just friends and she trusted we wouldn't do anything, which we haven't.

All the bruises and the back eye I had healed up already. It was Sunday, so I was getting ready for bed since it was around ten thirty at night. I hadn't seen Matt since the day I went with Oli and Lee to the party. I wasn't even sure if you could call Matt and I a couple. I tried to avoid him as much as possible, he tried to get in touch with me every hour of the day.

I threw my hair up in a bun after getting my sleep shorts and shirt on, then climbed into bed. I turned the lamp off on my night stand, leaving only the television light illuminating throughout the room. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Figuring it was my mother, I ignored the creak of the stairs and watches some random show on television.

There was a small knock on my door before it opened slowly, revealing a over-exhausted looking Matt. Oli was right behind him, which made me feel a whole lot safer. I sat up in my bed, not taking my eyes off Matt just in case he tried something.

"I'll be right outside the door." Oli nodded at me once, then walked out and shut the door behind him. Matt rubbed his face and sat down beside me on the bed. He laid down with his head in my lap.

"Ads.... I'm fucked up.... I think it's the drugs I've been doin'. Half the shit I've done teh yeh, I don't remember. I'm really sorreh. I don't think it's possible teh express how truly sorreh I am with words." He sniffled and wiped his eyes quickly. I had to look away from him before I started crying my self. It's heartbreaking to see someone you care about so much cry. I focused my eyes on the television as he kept talking.

"I know we haven't officially broken up or anything, but it feels like we aren't even together any more. If that's the case, I need teh know what I need teh do teh get yeh back, teh get yeh teh trust meh again. I've been shootin' up and Oli's suggested rehab. If that's what yeh want, I'll go." He sat up and moved his position so he was sitting right in front of me. I lowered my head, not being able to look at him. I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

I felt his fingertips lightly brush over my cheek. I sniffled, wiping away tears that haven't even fallen yet. I sucked in a deep breath and grabbed my phone, then typed in You have to stop hitting me. Period. No matter what I do. I don't want to ruin your fun, but anything besides weed has got to stop. I can't deal with this any more, Matt. I've been avoiding you because I'm so scared that one day you might actually kill me.

I showed him the message before I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I watched as he read the message. I honestly felt bad for him. From what Oli told me, he really was messed up in the head. I know that's a terrible thing to say, especially about someone you love, but it's the truth. If you're going to beat someone for not talking, it's a sign of a psychological problem in my opinion.

"Ads, look at meh." He brought his hand to my face, to lift up my chin, but I only flinched away. "I'm sorreh, I really am. I'll throw away all the drugs in meh house. I promise. Just...... please.... don't leave meh. I need yeh."

I looked up to see tears running down his face. I just nodded, not really having anything else to say. of course, this didn't mean I trusted him again, but it was a work in progress.

---

Matt still hadn't signed himself up for rehab, but I inspected his room and made sure everything but his weed was gone. I've smoked with him before, so I know he doesn't get bad when he's high on weed. Why he does with other drugs, I had no idea. Maybe he was lying and was just using that as an excuse. I was definitely over analysing things now because of him.

"Ads, yeh comin' teh Lee's with meh?" Matt asked, looking over me as I sat on my bed. I shook my head no, yawning in the process.

"Oh, yeh tired, that-" Right then, my mother busted into my room, cutting Matt off. She looked over at him.

'You!" She screamed. She charged at him, hitting him repeatedly with a shoe. I had never seen my mother so angry since she did drugs.

"How dare you! Taking drugs then hitting my daughter! I should have your ass arrested! Get out! Don't ever come near my daughter again!" She screamed while pushing him down the stairs. I followed her downstairs and watched as she shoved Matt out of the house then slammed the door in his face.

"Ads, I will not tolerate this. Your aunt needs us any ways. We're going back to America."