You Don't Know Me

The three of us had dinner that night, chicken stir fry. The entire evening was as if nothing happened. We laughed, joked and genuinely enjoyed each other's company. For the first time since I've gotten here, there was no drama and it was a good feeling.

"Well" I looked at my phone, "It's late, I'm going to bed" I yawned and stood up, stretching as I moved towards my room.

"Goodnight Julie Bear" Taylor sang. It was the first time I've heard that nickname, and it seems he was trying to renew old memories.

"No" was all I said as I turned around, "I can always start calling you by your nickname from when we were kids"

His eyes widened in fear, "No"

"Now I'm curious" Jordan laughed, "You have to tell me"

"I'll let him tell you" I said turning back towards my room, "I dare you to try and get it out of him though"

I heard a groan, a laugh and then rustling around and I knew they were fighting in some way. It was nice to see them like friends again. I know Taylor didn't like him for what happened, but I think that he was finally starting to see both sides.

I changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top and got myself ready for bed. As I turned off my lamp and climbed in, my phone lit up the dark room and I saw a text from Magnus.

"I haven't heard from you in a while. Everything okay?"

I sighed, already feeling sick to my stomach thinking about how I was supposed to tell him.

"Let's do dinner tomorrow?"

He replied back quickly.

"How about Monday? We have an afternoon game tomorrow and the day off Monday"

"Come to the apartment Monday, I'll make you something. I'll kick the guys out"

"Can't wait :) see you soon"

It wasn't long before I passed out and slept until noon the next day. You never really know how exhausted you are until you sleep a full twelve hours without waking.

I came out of my room to a quiet apartment. The guys were playing a rare Sunday afternoon game against the Flames, so I had the apartment to myself. After making a somewhat large breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast, I decided to turn on the game, nice and loud, so I could listen as I took a bath. It was surprisingly relaxing.

The game ended 4-3 in a shootout for the Flames, so I knew there might be some moping or arguing when they came home in a couple of hours. Around six, they finally walked in the door and as I had predicted, they were analyzing plays.

The day wasn't too exciting. It was relaxing and again, drama free. I was finally feeling less stressed and strung out. It's surprising what no drama, a full nights sleep and a bath can do for you.

"You look good" Jordan said, leaning against the door frame of my bedroom, "Relaxed"

I nodded, "Yah, I slept for a change, had a quiet day and had a bath. It was lovely"

He smiled and I felt that pang deep in my gut and after a moment I looked away from him and shook my head.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing" I replied, "What?"

"You looked--"

"Looked what?"

I made eye contact with him and I felt it deep in my gut again and clenched my jaw and grabbed my laptop, opening it quickly, looking for a distraction.

"You okay Jules?"

I nodded quickly, "Perfect, just...looking at flights" I pointed at the screen and kept my eyes away from him.

"Find one?"

I shook my head, "Not yet"

"I hope you don't" he said under his breath and before I could respond, he left and I sighed, frustrated that he wouldn't let me retaliate.

------

I had kicked the guys out for the evening. I knew Jordan wasn't happy about it but he also knew that I needed to do this for me and I think he knew nothing would come from it. He knew I was too unsure of myself right now.

It was a simple dinner I made, pizza, homemade, with salad. It was always my favorite and it was one my mom and I always made after Taylor's games back home. His teammates would come over after the game, loud and annoying, but they became like a whole other family.

As I slid it into the oven, I looked down at my hand, seeing the ring that Magnus had given me for my birthday. It was something I had gotten used to wearing, and I stopped realizing it was even there.

I heard a knock and took a deep breath. I took a final look at myself in the hall mirror, white v-neck, jeans and my Christmas socks...as it was getting to that time. I opened the door and smiled at the sight of him. He had a sense of style that was hard to beat, it must be a European thing. He wore a black peacoat and a striped scarf, grey and off white. It must have been snowing, because his hair was slightly damp.

"Hi" I sighed with relief as I reached out for a hug and he wrapped around me tightly and although he was just outside, he was still felt warm. He pulled his coat and scarf off, revealing a grey long sleeved shirt, that showed the definition in his arms. I shut the door behind him, and I watched his eyes look over the apartment again.

"Smells good" he smiled, "Pizza?"

I nodded, "Homemade though".

"Even better" he replied. He sat down at the island and I stood on the other side, leaning against the counter, "How are you?" I asked.

He's shrugged, "I'm okay. Things are getting a little nerve wracking. I'm not playing well" and suddenly I could see a change in his expression as he talked about it. He was fearful and angry and that was making it even harder to tell him.

We moved to the living room and chatted while the oven did the rest of the work on dinner. I got up to check every now and then, subtly moving closer to him on the couch each time I came back. The final time, as we ate, I was leaning against him, head on his shoulder. It was silent by this point, and plates were sitting on the coffee table, covered in crumbs and glasses half full of ice water sat on coasters. I was getting more nervous by the second, and I ended up latching onto him and he noticed my anxiety.

"Everything okay Julie?"

"Fine" I replied quickly, moving over slightly, away from him.

He turned more into my direction, "You're nervous about something. You know you can tell me"

I sighed, still unprepared but knew I had to before my chance was lost and he heard it somewhere else.

"I asked you here not only to see you, but to tell you something extremely important in the future of our relationship, if there is one"

He looked nervous now and suddenly stopped making eye contact and looked everywhere but at me. It made it a little easier to not look in his eyes as I said it, I couldn't bear to see the pain grace his face, while our eyes were locked on each other.

"I wasn't totally truthful about my relationship with Jordan" and as soon as the words left my mouth, he knew it because I could see his jaw clench, and his body shift.

"Back in the World Juniors, we had a fling, but it ended just as quickly as it had started and we stayed friends. I was nervous when I found out him and my brother would end up being teammates and then soon roommates. I knew I would face him again but not like this, not in these circumstances." Magnus grew agitated as I continued on, so I decided to shorten it up, let it out.

"It sparked again" I continued, "and then I met you and I began having feelings for two different people. Teammates. Friends. I got scared and tried to see if it would play out and that maybe a sign would be thrown at me to tell me which direction to go in but it didn't point at either of you. It went in the direction of my home."

This got his attention and his anger and agitation disappeared and now there was fear and nervousness, "Does that mean--"

"I'm leaving. I'm going home to sort out my life, while both of you sort out yours."

He sighed and looked down at the floor, "So, what's going to happen?"

"I care about you immensely, both of you, which is why I can't string you along. I need to figure out who it is I want. I'm not expecting either of you to wait, but when I'm ready I'll come back and see what fate has in store for me and whether my feelings for either of you grows at all"

He nodded, "I understand, even though it sucks"

"Really?"

"Julie, you're amazing. You're beautiful, charming, funny and charismatic but you have a lot of baggage, I knew it when I met you, and when everything happened with Jack. Even though he was caught, you still had closure you needed to find and you're right, home is where you'll figure things out"

I couldn't believe my ears, how was he so understanding?

"You're amazing" was all that managed to come out. He laughed and then shrugged, "I know what it's like to be unsure of yourself. I'm still trying to figure it out."

I reached over and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and felt his around me, gently squeezing me in, as if he wanted me closer to him. I kissed his cheek and pulled back, my hands resting on his cheeks for a moment before I pulled them down, squeezing his hands.

"You are too good to me. I don't deserve you. And you don't deserve my baggage"

"That's for me to decide. And I figured out that I wanted you the moment I handed you that ring, but I knew there was more to you. More I needed to see before I got myself in too deep"

"I'm sorry" I said quietly, looking down at our hands, "I'm so sorry"

"Hey" he got my attention and I looked up at him. He leaned in and kissed me, slowly and then a bit more eagerly, both his hands on my face. I pulled back, breathless, my heart racing and my entire body on fire, "Magnus, I--"

"I'm sorry. I had to. Even if it's the last time I'll get to"

I stayed silent and turned, resting my head on his shoulder again, "We'll still talk. We'll stay friends"

I felt him nod, "We'll figure it out"