You Don't Know Me

I woke up to a loud knock on my door, I groaned and looked at the time, 10:34am. Jordan was next to me and I sat up quickly, realizing that it was Taylor at the door.

"Jules, can we talk for a minute?"

I shoved Jordan on the floor, and he sat up, looking around still half asleep, "Stay quiet" I whispered throwing a shirt over my head.

"What?" I said opening the door quickly.

"I'm sorry about last night" he sighed, "Everything with Jack is still making me nervous, and I just don't want you to get hurt"

"Taylor, I'm 18, I can take care of myself, okay? When I need you...you'll know it. And I know you'll come to my rescue when I need you. You always do"

He just nodded, "Yes, and I'm sorry"

"And I'm sorry for snapping at you. I guess living with all this testosterone is getting to me..."

"We'll try to make it a bit easier on you...okay?"

I just nodded and gave him a hug, "Thank you Tay, I love you"

"I love you too" he replied, pulling back, "Practice is at 11, but Ebs must have gotten a head start, cause he's not here. I'll be back in a few hours, okay?"

I just nodded, "See you soon"

I shut the bedroom door and listened for the front door to shut, "What the fuck!? Why didn't you go back to your room!?" I snapped throwing his clothes at him.

"I fell asleep!" he exclaimed, "I'm sorry"

"Do you know how close a call that was?"

"A tad too close?" he replied, as if he didn't know the answer.

"Just a tad" I replied, "Now get the fuck out of here and get to practice before he gets suspicious"

He threw his shirt over his head, and gave me a quick peck on the lips before running out of the room. I just laughed, watching him grab his stuff, and barely get out the door.

I looked down at my phone, and it was November 13th, my birthday was today. I didn't even clue in. Taylor and I were basically a year apart, excluding a day. I didn't even notice the messages from facebook from midnight on. Both of them forgot my birthday, how the hell does Taylor forget my birthday, when his is tomorrow?

I looked through my phone, and landed on Magnus' number, and I immediately called it. One guy who didn't even know my birthday was today, maybe he'd be nice enough to take me out.

"Hey!" he answered, "I was excited to see your name" I could practically hear him smiling, which made me smile.

"Well, I thought I'd ask you if you wanted to hang out tonight? It's my birthday, and my brother and Jordan both forgot. Maybe dinner? You don't even have to pay, I just need to do something"

"Uh..." he was hesitant for a moment, and his silence was making me nervous, "Sure" he finally replied, "Sounds great"

"Thanks" I smiled, "I'll meet you in the lobby of the apartment around 7?"

"How about 6?" he asked.

"Uh...sure" I shrugged, "Whatever works for you, see you then" I hung up and fell back on the couch, bored out of my mind, flipping mindlessly through tv channels.

The whole day was my phone going off every few minutes with:


Best friend:
Happy birthday! :))))) Miss you!

Old highschool classmate:
Hope your day is amazing, happy birthday!

Mom:
Love you sweetie! Happy birthday!!!!!!!

Cousin:
Yo, happy birthday little one, hope it's dope.

Uncle:
Hope your birthday is fantastical beautiful! Happy birthday!

And then some more random happy birthday's. Yet, it didn't feel any different being 18, and it was one of those days where I felt like nothing was going to go right.

Sixteen candles was playing as both Jordan and Taylor walked through the door, happily chatting about something to do with tomorrow's game. Then, it went down to a low whisper, and I looked over the couch to see what their deal was.

"Why the fuck are you whispering?"

"Cause it's secret" Taylor said.

"Uh, are we 12?"

"No"

"Then what were you saying"

"Nothing important" he replied, "We're done anyways"

"You're weird"

"You're boring"

"Fuck you"

"Love you!" he exclaimed, grabbing the washroom before Jordan. He sat next to me, and I was waiting and hoping he'd say something about my birthday, but nothing. It was all stupid questions about the movie, to piss me off, so eventually I just shut it off.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I've been better" I replied, "I need a walk"

I turned around and they were both standing next to each other, smiling, almost begging for me to leave. That is seriously no way to treat your sister on her birthday, even if you did forget it.

I took in Edmonton, the lights, the colors, the sounds, the smells, and every little thing I could. It was cold, but the beauty of the snow settling on the rooves, on the sidewalk and on the trees made up for it. I got a text I could feel through my jacket pocket and pulled it out, reading the time at 5:45pm: Hey Julie, going to be late picking you up, little car trouble, but I'll be there soon was Magnus' message. I didn't rush to get home, and rubbed my hands together as I stepped into the building. I sighed going up the stairs and unlocked the door, only to be ambushed by my brother and a whole bunch of strange people yelling happy birthday.

"What the fuck!?" I said shoving Taylor out of the way.

"You didn't think I'd actually forget your birthday did you?"

I just shrugged and looked around, seeing two familiar faces, and the rest were strangers. Magnus looked at me from across the room and couldn't contain his laughter, Jordan was just smiling like an idiot and Taylor was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Uh, thanks" I said, "But you can all stop staring at me now and have a drink"

They all turned back to their conversations and Jordan just smiled and whispered in my ear, "Happy birthday beautiful" I felt my face flush and I just smiled nervously.

"I thought it would be a good idea to kind of celebrate both of ours tonight, since we're leaving on the road trip tomorrow" Taylor said, "But don't worry, I did get you something" he pulled a little black box from his pocket and handed it to me. I opened it and revealed a small silver chain, with a silver Eiffel Tower on it, with small pink diamonds. I've been wanting to go to Paris for a long time, and the fact that Taylor still knew that about me, was amazing, "It's beautiful Taylor, thank you" I smiled wrapping him in a hug.

"Uh, here's mine" Jordan said, pratically shoving the bag in my hand. I pulled out a book, and almost lost my balance.

"Jordan...these are two of my favorite Jane Austen novels, published hardcover, almost original publishing, how the hell? This is alot of money"

"You deserve it" he replied.

"This is alot of money"

He just shrugged, "It really wasn't that much"

"How did you know?"

"Some of your favorite quotes are from her books" he replied, "You always told me that, and you always wanted an old edition of the book, this was the best I could do"

"It was the best anyone could do" I said wrapping him in a hug, "It's perfect"

"You spent almost $500 dollars on the girl, don't tell me you--"

"Dude, it's your sister" he replied, "She's one of my best friends, I don't buy her things often...I'm being nice" Taylor looked suspicious but shrugged it off, kissing my cheek before going off to meet some of the other guys.

"Jordan, this is incredible" I couldn't stop looking down at it, "I still can't believe you did this for me"

"I still don't know how you just sit an read all that time, it seems like a waste of time"

"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid" I said with a smirk, "Those are Jane's fine words of course"

"You're calling me stupid?"

"A little" I smiled, "But seriously, thank you"

"It's no problem"

I took my couple gifts into my room, and looked through the book, getting lost in it, starting to read it. I heard footsteps stop in my doorway and I looked up to see Magnus, with a small box in his hand, wrapped with a bow, "Happy Birthday" he said.

"You didn't have to get me anything" I smirked setting the book down beside me.

He just shrugged, "I felt like I had to, but I don't think it even competes with Jordan's"

"He likes to show off" I laughed as he sat down beside me.

"I feel like I'm getting spoiled"

"Nothing wrong with that"

I unwrapped the paper and it revealed a small black box, I opened it and there was a small silver ring, with three stars on it and an engraving around it, "Uh, a ring?" I said pulling it from the box.

"It's not too much is it?"

"Uh, no. But why is everybody spending so much money on me?"

He just smiled, "You deserve it"

"What does it say?" I said looking closer.

stjärnorna, lyser de för dig

"It's Swedish, obviously, for "the stars, they shine for you"" he said, "I remember you told me you loved Coldplay, and I thought it fit you..."

"Okay, how do you get sweeter than that?" I asked, "It's so beautiful Magnus"

"I tried..."

"It paid off" I said looking down at it on my right ring finger, "It's gorgeous"

"Can I ask you something?" he said.

"Sure"

"What are we?" the words sounded familiar, the same ones were said only a day ago from Jordan, and that scared me.

"I don't know..."

"I like you alot, but I don't want to say anything if you don't feel the same way..."

"I like you too Magnus, but I'm still working on shit with my ex, so it would be really really slow"

"I don't mind..."

"Let's just take it a step at a time okay? I just don't want to hurt you"

"I understand"

I gently kissed his cheek, and he immediately blushed, which put a smile on my face, "You're amazing Magnus, don't ever change"

The night ended early for me, I guess I just wasn't in a party mood. I heard the goodbyes through my door and then a knock, "Yes"

"Uh, can I talk to you for a second?" Jordan asked.

I sat up and unlocked the door, slightly opening it and laying back on my bed, "Yes?"

"You didn't last long"

"Not in the mood" I shrugged, "I'd rather read"

He saw the gleam from the ring on my hand and he sat down, looking at it, "Where'd that come from?"

"Uh...." I knew I couldn't back out now, he knew I couldn't afford something like that, and he's never seen it before now.

"A friend" I simply said.

"Who?"

I sighed, preparing myself for the lash out, "Magnus"

He didn't do anything, but his jaw clenched a bit and he subtly grabbed the sheets a little, "Jordan..."

"How long have you--"

"We're friends, okay?"

"That's where you've been when you've been "out"?" he used finger quotes like we were back in high school again and I just shook my head.

"We're not in highschool anymore Jordan, lose the quotes"

"What's going on?"

"Nothing" I snapped, "We're friends"

"You're lying"

"You can fucking ask him yourself, okay?"

"Don't yell at me"

"Don't treat me like I belong to you. We're not together Jordan, just like Saskatoon, we fell short, just like your silver medal" the moment the words came out of my mouth, I regretted them, he didn't respond, he just stood up and left. Yet, the look in his eyes, the anger and disappointment was burned into my brain.

"Jordan, I--"

"Save it"

I didn't sleep all night, and by the stirring I could hear in the kitchen, neither could he. I'm such a terrible person, I guess everything just hit me at once, and I took it out on him.

When I finally decided to get up, I decided to go for a run. It was a way I could clear my head and get some aggression out.

It was cold, like it was every day here, and today I liked it for a change. Today it felt refreshing. I ran, fast, wherever my legs would take me. My breathing was getting sharper and my heart was racing faster, but I didn't want to stop, as much as my body was telling me I needed to. Then, as quick as I had started, I stopped in the park, meeting a famiiar face. Seems Jordan was up before I was.

"Oh..."

He stared at me for a moment, but wouldn't say a word.

"You run when you're angry...I should have known" I said.

"Seems we have something in common" he replied, placing his hands on his waist taking a few breaths.

"Yah..." I said taking a breath, "Can we talk?"

"You made your point clear last night"

"I'm sorry...Jordan, I'm not relationship material. I'm still young, just got out of a terrible relationship, and I'm not someone you want to get involved with, especially when I'm your best friend's sister"

"Maybe you're right" he replied.

"I just don't want to hurt you"

"You've got to let someone in eventually" he replied.

"I will...eventually"

"Just so you're aware..." he began, looking around for a moment, "I love you, okay?"

My heart stopped for a moment and I blinked, without a word. He looked around for a moment and pursed his lips, "Uh...I mean--I didn't--Did I?"

I could only nod in response and he swallowed nervously, "Uh, I better get home, we leave tonight" he said, "See you there"

He brushed past me and I stood there, still in shock. The words kept playing themselves in my head, and they scared me to death, because I didn't know how to respond to them now, and what I even felt anymore.

I was terrified to go home, I just hoped to God Taylor was home too because I don't think I could be alone with Jordan. I stepped in the house and of course there was no sign of Taylor, but also no sign of Jordan.

"Hey"

I jumped and turned around placing my hand over my heart, "Jordan, hi"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you..."

In more ways then one.

"I'm going to take a shower" I said brushing past him into the washroom.

"You're going to have to face it sometime" he said through the doorway.

"How about you go on your roadtrip...and we can talk about it then"

He sighed, "If that's what you want"

"What I want is a week without you around to clear my head" I snapped opening the door, "You don't hear those words everyday from--nevermind" I slammed the door in his face but he never left, "From who?"

"Did you mean it? Or did you mean it as a friend?"

"These past few weeks I--I fell for you, and I'm sorry if it's inconvenient for you, but I really can't help how I feel" the only thing separating us was the door, and I was afraid to face him because of how we both might react. I did want him, but I don't know how to love someone.

"I don't know how to do this" I said quietly, "I don't know how to love someone"

"Open the door"

"I can't"

"Just open the door and look at me"

"Just go on your trip and we'll talk when you get back. I'm not talking about this now. Please"

"You need to let someone in"

"I'm not doing this right now" to drown him out I turned on the water to shower.

Nobody has ever been in love with me, not like that. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it, how I'm supposed to react, should I be in love with him too? I don't know what love feels like. Maybe I already love him...