To Be Happy Now

It didn't really hit her hard that Austin Gibbs had blatantly told her that he liked her and included a kiss in that package until Ricky dragged her to a small little get together (an actual small get together--unlike last time, where it turned into a raging party) with Austin's band, The Maine, and This Century because she realized that he would be there.

"Why?!" She hissed, for the hundredth time during the walk from the car to the front porch of John's house.

"Al, it's not like you'll be alone," Ricky rolled his eyes. "You know these guys. What is with you today? Are you feeling okay?"

Alaska whimpered and before she could bolt, John opened the door and went, "Hey! Come on in!"

She gave him a forced smile when he gave her a sort of half hug, and the two of them followed suit into John's spacious living room, where everybody was already settled in, with food and drinks and everything.

Everyone including the one person she wished would stay at home. His brown eyes made eye contact with hers, and she felt a wave of nausea--she wished to just fly away or something. Their eye contact was broken when the boy he was talking to brought his attention back to the conversation they were having.

"Hey, Alaska," Kennedy Brock said with a smile. She gave him a smile and said hi back. He was a nice guy.

"Hey, Sumner!"

Alaska didn't even see who it was because a pair of arms engulfed her into a hug--but she has an idea of who it was.

"Hayley?!" Alaska couldn't even put into words how relieved she was to see that her best friend was there. Hayley grinned and nodded her head.

Ricky smirked and in his sister's ear, he muttered, "I bought you for her, too."

Alaska turned her head to look at her brother, but he was already dragged away by the boys. She could say anything except turn around to Hayley and say, "You have no idea how relieved I am to see you."

"Yeah, you better tell me what happened, bitch," Hayley crossed her arms. "You ran out of the party as if the house was on fire. What happened?"

Alaska took her by the wrist and pulled her into the kitchen, where they were more secluded and she looked around, seeing if anyone was of hearing distance--nobody was.

"Austin kissed me."

"WHAT?!" Hayley screeched, causing Alaska to shush her. Hayley lowered her voice and repeated, "WHAT?!"

Alaska nodded. "Last night. He was drunk and he told me he liked me, and then out of nowhere, he kissed me."

Hayley's jaw was on the ground.

"So that is why he immediately asked me if you were coming when I got here..." She said, understanding. "Still! Al! What are you going to do?!"

Alaska shrugged her shoulders. "I have no idea."

"If he asks you out, then what'll you do?" Hayley asked.

Once again, she didn't know. The thought that Austin Gibbs might ask her out freaked her out. She didn't want a relationship--despite everything that Max told her at chemo. But that kiss was something. Alaska couldn't stop thinking about all night--it felt so right. She wanted to kiss him again, only to scold herself--she shouldn't.

"I kind of hope he would just tell me to forget about it," Alaska admitted. "My life would be so much easier."

"What are you so afraid of, Alaska?" Hayley crossed her arms. "Let's put it to the most relevant case--he does like you and wants to ask you out. You've known him for forever, you know what he is like. He's pretty attractive, may I add. He also likes you. Why would you say no?" Hayley raised a single eyebrow, as though she was interrogating her like a police officer. "And don't say because of the cancer..."

Alaska let out a groan of frustration and she threw her arms up.

"I don't know! It is the cancer, Hayley. It is exactly what it is!"

"Have you told him yet?"

Alaska shook her head. Hayley gave her a knowing look and she sighed. "I know, I have to tell him."

"And then go out with him," Hayley grinned.

Alaska rolled her eyes and she sighed. She had to tell him soon. Or later.

"Okay, I'm going to go outside and just make sure that everyone knows that there are girls here," Hayley smirked. She left Alaska be in the kitchen and Alaska took a water bottle from the counter and opened it.

The boy who was talking to Austin earlier came into the kitchen. He smiled at Alaska and said, "Hi."

"Hi," she greeted back.

"I'm Joel." He stuck his hand out.

"Alaska." She shook it.

"Oh, you're Ricky's sister," Joel said, stuffing his hands in his pocket. If Alaska didn't have anything better to do, then she would probably have stared at the boy all night because he was actually rather attractive.

She nodded. "Yup."

Joel grinned at her and said, "Are you just hiding in here?"

Alaska rolled her eyes and said, "No."

"Then shall I assist you to the living room?" He had the brightest smile on his face--Alaska couldn't say no. She didn't even need to say no, so she walked with Joel Kanitz out the living room.

Her eyes locked with Austin's again and she immediately looked away, up at Joel who started to talk to her.

"So what do you study at ASU?"

"Business," she answered.

"Oh, that's cool," Joel nodded in approval. "Kudos to you. I'm not the college type."

"Yeah, a lot of people aren't," Alaska said. "I contemplate that sometimes."

Joel laughed. "Really?"

Alaska nodded. "School is a pain."

"Amen to that."

Alaska's eyes wandered as Joel continued to talk to her about his band. She had never heard of them before, but she made a mental note to check them out later--judging by Joel's speaking voice, he must have had a good singing voice, too. John and Hayley were in a conversation with each other and it looked like they were flirting by the way Hayley was batting her eyelashes. Alaska searched for Ricky, who was sitting in the corner, by himself, drinking a beer and staring at the two of them. It was obvious that Ricky had a crush on the girl.

Whatever happened on that date they went on? Alaska made another mental note to ask Hayley about it later.

The rest of the guys were playing Halo. Or at least Jared and Garrett were. The others were egging them on. The only person that she expected to be in the group, but wasn't, was Austin. In fact, he was nowhere to be found.

"Alaska?" Joel snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah? Sorry..."

He smiled. "You're fine. I was just asking if you went to Trey and Garrett's place for the party last night."

Alaska's stomach dropped at the thought. She nodded her head.

"You did? I didn't see you!" Joel exclaimed.

"I was outside for the most part," Alaska explained. "I had a headache so obviously, raging parties don't help."

"Oh, damn," he said. "Yeah, it was crazy last night. People were mad drunk, man. Austin was probably the most drunk I have ever seen him."

Alaska couldn't have said it any better.

"I'm sorry you had a headache, though. You must have wanted to shoot yourself."

She let out a laugh. "Exactly."

"Alaska?" Her stomach dropped again.

She turned around and her eyes locked with Austin's, who stood behind her.

"Can I talk to you...outside?" His eyes looked pointedly at Joel who raised his eyebrows at him. Alaska turned to him, almost hoping he would say no, but he signaled for them to go. She slowly stood up and followed Austin outside.

"You're friends with Joel now," he said in a statement rather than a question.

Alaska shrugged. "I guess so."

"He's a good friend."

"Seems like it."

"Listen, Alaska, about last night--" Austin started, straying away from the subject of Joel, even though she would rather talk about him than last night.

"I remember everything," He said, in a mumble. "I remember telling you that I liked you, and I remember kissing you."

He looked at her this time.

"I actually don't know what to say," Austin chuckled. "I'm not sorry because I actually fucking meant it."

Alaska was staring at him as if she was frightened.

"I don't regret anything except for the fact that I was drunk. I wish this wasn't completely fuzzy for me because that's the worst first kiss ever. I like you, Alaska, I really do."

"Why?" She asked, letting it slip. "Why me?"

"Coming back here two months ago, I was almost afraid," Austin started to explain. He set his water bottle down and he stuffed his hands in his pockets. He looked nervous. "Everything reminded me of Kat. I fucking missed her--I still miss her. And then I ran into you and I remembered how much I actually missed that life--that life where I came over to your place every single day and I'd see the two of you. That was the best time of my life. Getting to know the real you, Alaska, it made me realize how much alike we both are. We're both searching for things and we're right alongside each other for that ride. Even when you told me off for what a dick I've been...it made me see what my real feelings are like..."

Alaska stared, absolutely flabbergasted. It was real--it was all completely real.

"What about Kat?" She managed to get out.

"Kat's dead," Austin said. "I will always love her but she's dead. I have to move on."

"Austin, I can't--" Alaska started, her hand running through her black hair. Austin's arms found hers and he shook his head.

"Don't say anything. Just--just answer me this question...do you like me?" She tried to look everywhere but his eyes but his strength overpowered hers and she had no choice but to.

She slowly nodded her head.

A hint of a smile appeared on his face and he said, "Then go out with me. Tomorrow night, go out with me."

He looked so hopeful. And Alaska was telling the truth--she liked him. That kiss sent her body into a frenzy and she wanted more of it. She thought about what Max said again, and what Hayley said and she nodded.

"Okay."