To Be Happy Now

It was a nice feeling to kiss Austin Gibbs.

Ever since she was thirteen, Alaska always wondered what it was like. She witnessed many girls over at her house with her brother and his best friend, and even encountered a moment when one of them was kissing Austin. It was always a wonder, and yet, there she was, on his bed, kissing him.

It certainly wasn't the first time they kissed, but it was the first time that she realized that is was her childhood crush that she was kissing.

His body hovered over hers and his fingers entwined with hers above her head and his lips never leaving her skin. Alaska was loving every minute of it. It was exactly like how she expected–causing her nerves to explode, her mind going haywire, the desperate want to go even farther and—

"Ow!" She hissed, feeling a stabbing pain in her lower back.

"What?!" Austin exclaimed, jumping off her.

Alaska recovered immediately and she shook her head. It was nothing. She pulled her phone out from behind her and rolled her eyes.

Austin smirked. He watched her as she made an effortless attempt to throw her phone into her bag, which was on the floor, but missed by a foot. He chuckled and kissed her lips again before leaving back against the bed.

"So, uh," Alaska initiated a conversation. "Has Ricky talked to you yet?"

Austin rolled his eyes. "More like threatened."

She sat up. "Did he really?"

He nodded his head. "He was like, 'If you ever hurt my sister, I will make sure to end your life.'"

"Protective Ricky isn't a very good look on him," she commented, laying back down on the bed again. "I love him and all, but he really won't end your life. He doesn't have the guts to do so."

"He looked pretty sure," Austin said, seriously. "He really loves you."

Alaska smiled. "I know he does."

A silence fell over them. Austin grabbed a hold of her hand and placed both of their hands on his chest. Alaska felt herself grin even bigger–she had no idea that that was how she would feel being with Austin Gibbs.

For years she imagined it, but she never knew. And yet again, there she was. She was almost as happy as she could be. She almost forgot about everything that was happening to her and a boy was responsible for that.

"Hey," Austin piped up again. "Listen, this is probably nothing..."

She sat up and listened intently. "What?"

"John said he saw you at the hospital the other day," he said. Alaska's heart started pumping really hard and she sat up. "But you're okay, right?"

"Wh–what?" Alaska stuttered.

"It's nothing serious, right? Just a check up and all? Because he sounded kinda concerned and I never would've thought about it until he said it..."

Alaska was panicking all of a sudden. It was the most perfect opportunity to tell him the truth–to tell him the secret that she had been hiding from him for two months because she was scared of what he would do about it.

But she didn't.

"Oh, yeah," she nodded. "Just a check up."

Austin smiled at her–he looked so relieved. He kissed her on the cheek and hopped off the bed.

"Wanna watch a movie or something?"

Alaska gave him a faltering smile and she nodded her head. He left the room, going to get a movie, and she closed her eyes and breathed heavily. She just lied to him out of panic mode. She didn't know what to do!

She felt so guilty.

Now the reality was really starting to settle in. She couldn't be happy anymore with Austin once she told him. He wouldn't either. She couldn't live in her bliss of being able to go away from it all, just for one second.

Alaska had to face it soon. Real soon.