To Be Happy Now

"Ready?" Alaska looked over at him as he stared at the wheel in the driver's seat.

He nodded his head.

She opened the door and stepped out. Austin followed suit and they both started walking, side-by-side, towards the automatic doors of the treatment center that Alaska got her chemotherapy at.

Austin was silent throughout the entire day and something was on his mind, but Alaska didn't know what. Actually, he's been like that since she told him about the cancer. He's been so distant, despite the fact that she got the burden of telling him off her chest.

She thought that she could bring him along to chemotherapy so he could have a talk with Max and feel better about whatever he was going through.

She also just wanted him to meet her friends.

"Hi, guys," Alaska said, walking in.

They were all already there, as usual. Jessika was listening to music on her iPod, Irena was crocheting, and Max was reading a book. They all looked up and smiled, but they did a double take when Austin followed in.

"This is Austin," Alaska said, touching his arm.

"Hi," Austin said, waving to all of them.

"Oh, my God," Jessika took her earphones out. "You're Austin? The Austin?"

Austin glanced at Alaska and then nodded, "Sure."

"That's Jessika," Alaska pointed to the young girl. "And then Max," Max looked up and waved, "and then Irena," who gave him a warm smile.

"We have heard so much about you, Austin," Irena said.

"Oh, God," Alaska blushed.

Austin smiled and said, "I'm sorry, Alaska didn't mention you to me."

Alaska let go of his arm. He glanced at her again and she finally realized that he was still mad at her. He told her that he was sorry for leaving her and that he would be there for her no matter what, but he never truly forgave her for hiding it all along. He said so himself that it would take awhile getting used to, but she didn't expect him to be so snappy with her.

The nurse hooked her up and Austin watched idly by.

"Does it hurt?" he asked.

Alaska shook her head. "Not until afterwards."

Austin sat back in his chair and Max set his book down.

"So, Austin, what is it that you do for a living?" Alaska was tempted to laugh because he sounded just like a father interrogating his daughter's new boyfriend.

"I'm a musician," Austin answered simply.

"Oh," Max said. "Well, that's nice. Do you like it?"

"I love it," Austin said.

"Oh, my God, Alaska," Jessika leaned in and whispered to Alaska, causing her to divert her attention from the conversation between Max and Austin to her. "You did not mention how cute he is! Damn, girl!"

Alaska rolled her eyes.

"He's a musician? Can I stalk him on tumblr?"

Alaska let out a chuckle. "Go for it. Just don't steal him from me, okay?"

"Never!" Jessika exclaimed, laughing.

"She is a strong girl, you know," Max said, just a few feet away, but quiet enough for just Austin to hear.

"I'm sorry?" Austin asked. They were talking about guitars and The Beatles when Max said that.

"Alaska," Max nodded his head towards her. "C'mere, son," he pointed to spot right next to him, so that Alaska couldn't hear a word they were saying.

"Just a couple of months ago, she was sitting in here, pessimistic as ever, going on and on about how much she liked you but would never ask you out because of the fact that she has cancer. You know what I told her? I told her that that is all the more reasons to ask you out!" Max exclaimed. "So, you're welcome."

Austin chuckled. He liked Max already.

"She's happy with you," Max said, seriously. "When she finally told us about you and how you two went on your date, she wouldn't shut up. I've never seen the girl so happy the entire time I have known her. You make her happy."

"But she's dying," Austin said, as-a-matter-of-factly.

"She has cancer," Max corrected him. "That doesn't mean she's dying. Now, Austin, I know that Alaska didn't tell you about the cancer for a while now, correct?"

Austin nodded.

"Don't hate her for it. She's scared. This is a scary thing to be suffering from when you don't know the outcome of it. I know you're mad, I can tell right now by the way she looked at you," Max's eyes glanced at Alaska and Austin did the same thing.

"I told her I'd help her through it and I'm trying," Austin admitted, "but I'm just–I can't handle this. I don't know what I would do if another one of my girlfriend's ends up dead."

"Buy her some iced tea."

"What?" Austin looked at him.

Max shrugged. "Buy her some iced tea," he reiterated, "or whatever drink she likes the most and talk to her about it. I'm sorry, Austin, but this isn't about you anymore. It's about Alaska and she can't have her boyfriend moping around thinking she's gonna die–when she won't, I have faith that she won't. Alaska needs you right now."

Austin looked over at her. She and Irena were talking about something and he watched as the smallest of smiles appeared on her face–how her eyes lit up with it–and Austin cursed himself because he was being an idiot to her.

He was just searching for a way out by consuming his mind with her secret, but he couldn't escape, he liked her too much and he couldn't leave her. He was in too deep.

Alaska's chemotherapy ended rather quickly. Maybe it was because both she and Austin immersed themselves with conversations with her friends (and his, too, now) that the time went by quicker, but Austin and Alaska found themselves saying goodbye to them and leaving the hospital.

They were walking to the car when Austin noticed a coffee shop nearby and he spoke up,

"Want some iced tea?"

Alaska looked at him, confused.

"What?"

"Or coffee or whatever?" Austin suggested. "I think we need to talk, Alaska."

Alaska became nervous and she nodded her head. They walked together to the coffee shop and he held the door open for her, letting her go first, and he even paid for her drink, which she insisted she could do but he only replied with, "I'm the guy. I buy the drinks."

They sat down with their tea (for Alaska) and coffee (for Austin) and they were silent for five minutes before Austin spoke up first.

"I talked to Max," he said. "The man is very wise."

Alaska nodded. "Trust me, I know. He's my go-to guy for all my questions."

"He made me see sense," Austin continued, giving her a small smile. "I'm so sorry, Alaska. I've been a jerk to you because honestly, I've been trying to find a way out. I've forgiven you through and through, I promise, but I just didn't know–fuck it, I still don't know if I can handle this."

"I'm so sorry, Austin," Alaska whispered.

"Don't be," he said, shaking his head. "This isn't your fault at all. I'm just getting punched in the face by reality."

Austin reached across the table and took her hand in his.

"I know I said that I will be there for you no matter what. I promise you that I will try my best. I like you way too much to leave you and to just let go of the impending pain that I'll feel through all of this. I'm not going to let you die on me, Alaska."

"Good," she nodded, "because I don't really know what I'd do without you. You've coerced me into liking you way too much, too."

"I suck," Austin laughed.

Alaska laughed with him. "That you do."

"I'm sorry," he kissed her hand. "Feel free to hit me over the head if I ever do this again."

"I'll remember that," Alaska said. "Austin, I don't blame for for this. I mean, everyone has been different around me since I told them. My mom bursts into tears whenever she sees me. My dad refuses to even speak to me. The day that I shaved all my hair off, Hayley and I had a movie marathon and when I went to go and get some popcorn, I looked back and saw my best friend wiping tears off her face and it wasn't because of the movie. I don't expect you to be any different, Austin. You deserve to be mad at me and feel whatever emotion you feel because I feel that way, too!"

Austin gave her a half-smile. He said, "Don't hate yourself because of something you can't control, Alaska."

"Didn't you ever feel a glimmer of hate towards me?" Alaska inquired.

Austin shook his head again. "I could never hate you, Alaska. Can't you see? That's the problem. If I did, it would be easier to deal with this. I could've just left or not even cared."

"I'm glad you do," Alaska said, softly. "I've never had someone care for me like you do. It feels nice."

Austin hopped off his chair and went around the table and pulled the girl into a sweet kiss. When he pulled away, he sighed and pressed his forehead against hers and said,

"You deserve someone better than me."

"No, I'll take you," she said.

Austin laughed. "I like you, Alaska."

Alaska smiled and pulled away from him, looking into his eyes. He still looked hurt and pained, but she saw a glimmer of hope in them. He really wanted to try and do his best and Alaska had no doubt about his success.

"I like you, too, Austin."