To Be Happy Now

"You still have some chemo to go through to the shrink the mets," Dr. Erskine said. "But it looks like the surgery was very successful. You'll be back on your feet and on with your normal life very soon, Alaska."

Austin squeezed her hand and he couldn't keep the smile off his face. Dr. Erskine left and he turned to his weak girlfriend, still smiling.

"You did it," he said, his voice almost to a whisper. "You did it, Alaska."

Alaska smiled and looked down at her lap. It still hurt to move, but the doctors said she could be discharged in a couple days. She hated hospitals, even though Austin was with her the entire time. Ricky told her that he never left her bedside when she was unconscious. He was there the whole time.

"I gave up," Alaska said, suddenly, when Austin went to get a glass of water.

"What?" he sat back down.

"You weren't there and I thought I lost everything," she explained. "I gave up and right before I went under, I said goodbye to myself."

Austin stared at her.

"Alaska," he sighed, taking her hand.

"You would've been so mad at me, but I gave a long time ago. Look at me now, I'm alive. I shouldn't be alive right now if I gave up."

"Don't say that!" Austin snapped. "Alaska, you didn't give up. You were scared. Fuck, we were all scared. I thought you were dead until seven hours later, the doctor came out and told us that you were fine. You didn't give up, Alaska."

"Austin," Alaska sighed.

"No, stop," Austin stood up. "Alaska, we keep doing this. We keep fighting over stupid little things that don't mean anything. If the fucking universe wanted you dead, then you'd be dead. But it doesn't want you dead, so here you are."

Alaska stared up at him. A scarf was wrapped around her bald head and she was sitting up. She sighed and nodded her head.

Austin took her hand. "Alaska, you're almost cancer-free. This is a good thing."

"I know it is," she nodded, but didn't say any more.

"I love you."

Alaska looked up at him, wide eyed. Austin nodded his head and shrugged her shoulders.

"I should've said it earlier, but I'm in love with you. If I could rewind back to New York and say it back to you, I would."

"Why didn't you say it earlier?"

"Because I was scared."

Austin kissed her on the lips. She smiled into the kiss and when they broke off, she said, "I'm alive."

He grinned. "You're alive."

"And you're alive," Alaska said.

Austin nodded. "I'm alive."

Alaska laid back on the bed and Austin laid down with her. He kissed the top of her head and sighed.

"The cancer can come back, you know," Alaska said.

Austin nodded. "I know. And I'll be here every step of the way. We did this once, we can do it again. I know we can."

"I know we can, too."

"I love you, Alaska."

"I love you, too, Austin."

Her family and friends came by. Austin got up off the bed and he watched as they all hugged her and cried in relief. Alaska had a smile on her face the entire time and he couldn't help but smile with her. It was over. All the worrying. All the pain. Everything that made him so scared. It was momentarily over, but it was alright.

Alaska Sumner wasn't Kat Larson. Austin had to tell himself that over and over again. Kat died because of a drunk driver. God and the universe killed her, thus killing him too. But Alaska was the girl who hid in her bedroom every time he came over and he never thought he would fall in love with her. He never thought she would be the put to piece him back together again.

Alaska caught his eye and smiled at him. He smiled back. Well, he saved her too.

They were alive.