To Be Happy Now

"Fuck!" Austin exclaimed, holding his nose.

Alaska gasped and spun around, shocked at what her brother just did.

"RICKY!"

He held his hand in pain but he glared and said, "You fucking deserved it, Austin."

Alaska rushed over to Austin and helped him up, taking his hand off of his nose, to see that it was bleeding.

"I'll get ice for that." She got up and ran into the kitchen, piling ice from the freezer into a rag and rushing over to Austin.

"I deserved that, I know!" Austin said, taking the ice rag and holding it to his nose. "Fine, I get it. I'm sorry, Ricky, I am."

Ricky crossed his arms; he was furious.

"Ricky, stop." Alaska said, trying to intervene, but it seemed like she didn't exist to the both of them, at that moment.

"I'm sorry, man." Austin sighed. He slumped against the wall, with Alaska beside him. She took the ice rag off of his face--his nose stopped bleeding.

"And of course, you're with my sister, again." Ricky glared. "You know, she has--"

"A lot of homework to do," Alaska cut him off.

Her brother raised an eyebrow. Alaska gave him a look that told him to shut up and she looked away, back at Austin, who was giving them both confused looks.

"You guys used to be best friends," She changed the subject back to them.

"Then he left because he's a fucking coward." Ricky snapped.

Austin stood up suddenly.

"How would you feel if your girlfriend was dead? You know, in fact, anyone close to you. How would you feel if that person just died in front of you, like that." He snapped his fingers.

Alaska glanced at Ricky, who was staring at her. His expression softened and Austin continued,

"Kat died, man." He said. "How was I supposed to stay here--to stay in her hometown and just see everything that reminds me of her. I'm trying to survive this fucked up world, Ricky. And I can't seem to do that here."

"Then why are you back?" Her brother asked.

"My friends are back here. My parents said they missed me...I don't know." Austin shrugged. "All I knew was that on the way back from Texas, our last show, we just ended up here."

"Alaska, can I talk to Austin alone for a second?" Ricky muttered.

She glanced between them, earning a smile from Austin, and she nodded her head. She retreated into her room but pressed her ear against the door so she could hear the conversation, but it was too muffled to make out any words.

Alaska, instead of doing her homework, paced around her bedroom. Ricky and Austin had the best friendship she had ever seen--even better than hers and Hayley's. They were always there for each other, they had their fair share of inside jokes, they were like brothers.

When Austin left, though Ricky never truly showed it, he missed him very much. For two whole years, her brother didn't have a best friend--not someone like Austin.

She hoped they would work it out.

After twenty minutes, it felt like an hour to Alaska because she did nothing but wait, her headache didn't go away, in fact, it pounded even harder. She exclaimed, through the door,

"Can I come out now?!"

She heard a chuckle and then a muffled,

"Yeah, Alaska."

Alaska opened the door, expecting to find a massacre to have taken place, but instead, Austin and Ricky were just standing there, as if nothing had happened.

"Um," She said, making her way towards the kitchen. "Did you two make up, or what?"

Ricky glanced at Austin and said, "For now."

Alaska smiled, causing Austin to smile too, and she popped another Aspirin into her mouth. Ricky left Austin in the living room and he came in, with a confused look on his face, as he watched his sister down a glass of water.

"Is it the chemo?"

She nodded. "It's supposed to be like this."

"Are you gonna tell Austin?" Ricky asked.

Alaska shrugged. "Sometime or another. I don't want to put a downer on everybody, especially him. Also, I'm really sick of the pity parties."

Ricky chuckled and said, "Alright, well, come to dinner with us."

She gave him an uncertain look and put the glass in the sink. She left the kitchen and passed by Austin and said,

"You two should have dinner. It's your friendship that got mended."

Austin rolled his eyes and said, "We'd look fucking gay if we had dinner together. Come on, Alaska, it's just dinner. I swear, I'm paying."

"Fuck yeah, he is." Ricky muttered.

Alaska rolled her eyes and shrugged, "Okay."

They all ended up going to Red Robin, but Alaska felt sick. The headache still didn't go away and her abdomen was hurting a little bit. Still, she tried to look like nothing was wrong and sat down between the two boys and looked at the menu.

"Alaska?" Austin said, staring at her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Ricky clenched his jaw shut but he didn't say anything.

"So, what's up with your guys' lives? How on earth did you get that place, man?" Austin asked, trying to strike up a conversation.

Ricky nodded his head. "Yeah, I moved out just after you left, and once Al graduated, she moved in with me since school is closer."

Alaska wasn't paying any attention. Austin glanced at her with a smile but furrowed his eyebrows at her dazed look as she stared out of the window. The only thing on her mind was trying her hardest not to vomit.

"Are you sure you're okay, Alaska?"

She broke out of her trance and once she saw both Ricky and Austin looking at her with confused expression, she nodded.

The waiter came by and asked for their orders. Instead of like last time, ordering just small things to keep her stomach from regurgitating its contents, and to keep Austin's suspicions away, she ordered a burger.

As the two of them continued their conversation on what has happened in the last two years, Alaska kept half of her attention there, and the other half wandering about. It was mostly on Austin.

He definitely looked a lot better than how she remembered. His hair was cut and looked a lot curlier (he clearly stopped using a straightener). He had facial hair sprinkled across the bottom half of his face. He looked good.

"Oh hey," Austin said, suddenly breaking Alaska out of her thoughts. "I'm having a private show tomorrow night...would you guys like to come?"

Ricky shook his head. "I work late on Wednesdays. Sorry, man."

Austin turned to her. "Alaska?"

She stared at him for a second, before she shrugged.

"I don't know, maybe."

He gave her an award-winning smile and he said, "Come on, please? You've never heard my music, have you? Please, Alaska, it would mean the world to me if you came."

"You really want me there?" She asked, raising a single eyebrow.

"Hell yeah," Austin said. "You don't have to hear me singing from Ricky's room now, you can actually see the real thing!"

Alaska let out a laugh. "True."

Austin looked at her, pleadingly. She sighed and rolled her eyes,

"I'll have to see. It is a school night, anyway."

Would it be a better night to tell him about her cancer? It would be random, since it would be before or after his show, but from the look that her brother was giving Alaska, it seemed evident to tell Austin soon.

But, she still had no idea.

Alaska looked up at Austin and gave him a smile, and he smiled at her back.

He was already broken from a dead girlfriend. It was obvious. No matter how much he tried to show them all, Alaska could see it in his face. He smiled, but it wasn't to the fullest extent. His eyes shone, but not as brightly as it used to.

Alaska saw it, but it seemed that nobody else did.

Either way, Austin looked like he was trying. It became clear when he sought out Ricky that day and even got a punch in the face, and she gave him kudos for that.

Alaska just didn't want anything to be different. She wanted everything to be normal, and it seemed to be getting harder and harder each second.