To Be Happy Now

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Hayley said, as they left their last class.

Alaska clutched her bag to her shoulder, and nodded her head.

"Of course! We can't miss The Big Bang Theory!" She replied, with a smile. Hayley laughed and waved goodbye as they both went their separate ways to the parking lot.

That night was Austin's show. And judging by the small homework load she had gotten, she decided that she would be able to go, maybe. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to be close to Austin like that again.

Especially since her future was already determined.

Alaska started driving home, almost taking the freeway, only to see that it was blocked due to the immense traffic.

She went a different route.

As much as Alaska wanted to get closer to Austin, like she had always hoped when they were younger, she didn't know what the outcome would be. Maybe, he would just stay away from her.

She didn't want to hurt too many people, and if they all just left, then it would be easier.

That was why that night would be when she would tell him.

Alaska slowly passed a cemetery, seeing the place that she might be buried in sometime in the near future. It was strange, seeing so many tombstones in one area. So many dead people who's souls were wandering about the earth. She couldn't help but feel sad at the many lost souls.

Alaska did a double take, just before she sped faster. She stopped her car and squinted her eyes to see, but she couldn't make it out if it was him.

Was it Austin?

His curly hair, skinny jeans, and skinny frame, kind of gave it away.

He was kneeling in front of a tombstone and laid down flowers, a bouquet of roses. His hand rested on the ground and he looked like he was talking to the grave. It had to be Kat's grave, who else could it have been?

Austin stood up and wiped his eyes. He started walking towards his car and he got in.

Did he do that often--visit Kat's grave? Alaska never knew if Austin had visited Arizona during the last two years, but it must have been hard for him, then, to visit his girlfriend's grave.

Alaska got out of her car and she went over to the grave, making sure that Austin was gone, and she stared at the tombstone.



Alaska knelt down, a heavy feeling in her heart. She touched the roses that Austin put down, but she didn't dare read the card he put there. She didn't want to invade his privacy.

She didn't know Kat very well, but the two of them had their moments. Whenever she tagged along to a party or something, Alaska would see Kat with Austin, who was incredibly infatuated with her. Ricky, his then-girlfriend (named Kelly), Austin, and Kat came over sometimes on double dates.

She was a nice girl. Alaska liked her a lot, and she found the two of them cute. She liked them as a couple.

It was a drunk driver who hit Kat. She was on her way to Austin's house, right after she had a class. They said that he was planning a special date for them, when she suddenly just didn't show up. He got the call two hours later that she was in the hospital, in the ICU. Austin drove as fast as he could, praying to God (even if he wasn't religious) that his girlfriend would be alright, but just as he arrived, she was pronounced dead at 9:23 pm.

Austin Gibbs was the man who vowed to never love someone, and yet, Kat Larson changed him.

Alaska stood up and went back to her car, her heart heavy, and a sadness rushing over her. She had no idea what it was like to lose someone that close.

She arrived home and immediately started her homework, knowing full well that she would need to in order to go to Austin's show. Now, she just really wanted to see him.

When eight came around, Alaska finished the last of her calculus homework and got ready, picking up her keys, and driving towards the Nile Theater in downtown Tempe. The butterflies in her stomach were increasing and she felt nauseous--and not from the cancer.

She didn't know how Austin would take it when she would tell him.

Alaska arrived at the Nile Theater, and she had absolutely no idea what to do. She didn't have a ticket, nor did she even see a glimpse of anyone that she knew to help her get in. So, she awkwardly stood outside, debating on whether or not she should text Austin.

People were lined up. It brought a smile upon Alaska's lips to see that Austin Gibbs was actually pretty well-known. He really made an image for himself over the course of twenty four years of his life.

"Alaska!" She heard and spun around to the voice.

It was one of the guys from the Denny's that she met: John.

"Hey," He came up to her. "Gibbs said you'd come. I've come to escort you in, m'lady."

Alaska let out a small laugh and she followed John around the back and brought her in. She saw all the guys from the diner and immediately felt awkward, especially since that was an incredibly awkward night anyway.

They all recognized her and each gave her some sort of a greeting, while she just waved at them. Austin was still nowhere to be seen.

"You're gonna like this kid perform, Sumner." John flung his arm around her shoulders. "He's fucking great."

"Really?" Alaska said. "I've never even heard his music."

"Seriously?" Kennedy raised his eyebrows. "What kind of music do you listen to?"

"I like just about anything. Lately, I haven't done much music hunting. School does that to you." She shrugged.

"Hey, have you guys seen my--" Austin came in, causing Alaska to turn around. He stopped mid-sentence upon seeing her, and he gave her a smile. It turned his distressed and tired face upside down.

"Hey, Alaska."

"Hi, Austin." She said back.

He turned to one of his crew members and said something in his ear before turning back to Alaska and saying,

"You made it."

She nodded and shrugged. "Thought I'd show some support."

Austin chuckled. "Thank you."

"Gibbs, you're up!" Someone called.

Austin nodded his head at him and then said to her, "I guess I'll see you after the show."

"I guess you will," Alaska replied.

Once Austin took one step on stage, the crowd went wild. Alaska watched from the sides, and he picked up his guitar, and started playing.

It immediately brought memories back. Austin would always play the guitar in Ricky's room, and Alaska, while doing her homework, would always hear it and hum along sometimes. Those were the days...

Him playing before her right then, almost made her forget about every depressing thing possible. Music always brought a light in life, and Austin's was doing that to her.

He played for a half an hour. Alaska didn't know a single song, but she couldn't help but bob her head along with it. The guys behind her went crazy; dancing and singing and jumping around.

Austin kept glancing towards them, and at one point, Alaska was dancing with Pat and John. He grinned at them and continued to sing for his fans.

When his show ended, he yelled out, "GOODNIGHT, ARIZONA!" and left the stage.

Alaska awkwardly stood by while all the guys bombarded him, clapping him on the back. She smiled, feeling a sense of happiness. She hadn't been to a concert in ages, and the fact that it was Austin Gibbs' that she was at made her feel even happier.

"So?" He pushed past them to get to her. "What did you think?"

"You did amazing, Austin." Alaska said, honestly.

Austin grinned. "Yeah? I saw you dancing with Kirch and O'Callaghan."

She laughed. "I'm pretty sure my awkward flailing arms doesn't count as dancing, especially since I was like, dragged into it by Pat."

Austin laughed.

Suddenly realizing that the show was over, Alaska also remembered what she had to tell Austin. The elated feeling she got made her forget completely, and she suddenly felt sad again. The smile just dropped from her face and Austin noticed it. In fact, he went,

"What?"

Alaska felt nauseous again. "Um, I just remembered that I needed to tell you something."

"Oh, uh, okay." Austin nodded. "Here, let's go outside."

He guided her outside, where it was much quieter, despite the fact that some of the audience members were leaving.

"Wait," Austin said. "Can I just say something, first?"

Alaska nodded. "Yeah, go ahead."

"Thank you, Alaska." He said. "I know that you and Ricky should hate me right now, especially since I feel like a prick just leaving and then coming back like that. But, you two took me back a lot sooner than I expected. Especially you."

"Oh," Alaska was taken aback. "Y--you're welcome."

Austin chuckled. "You know, I went to go visit Kat's grave today? Yeah, the first time since her funeral that I visited. It was so fucking weird. I just felt so depressed today. I felt like how I did when I first found out that she died. And then I saw you." He looked at her and rested his hand on hers. "I'm really happy that you came, Alaska. Seeing you with the guys, I don't know? It was just a really good feeling. So, thank you. Thank you for not slamming the door in my face, or walking away when we saw each other at Mill."

Alaska was shocked. Her mind was jumbled as the words she was about to say to him and they just completely messed up as she started to doubt whether or not she should tell him.

"I'm sorry," He laughed at himself. "That was the most cheesiest fucking thing I ever said--and fucking long too. What were you going to tell me?"

"Uh," Alaska sputtered. "Um, you know what? Nevermind."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you sure? You looked pretty serious back there..."

She shrugged. "It doesn't really matter, at the moment."

Austin gave her a curious look, but she looked away, acting as if it was no big deal, so he dropped the issue.

Alaska couldn't do that to him. Not after what he just told her. It would have been cruel and evil for her to just do that at his show, and just after he thanked her for not shutting him out of her life. What was she thinking?

She just couldn't do it.