Scream to be Heard

I spent the next three nights with Kara and we watched movie after movie. It was Wednesday, the boys were in the recording studio. I was sitting on a couch waiting for them to finish so we could talk about shirt orders for the next tour. “He keeps looking at you.” Kara leaned over to me and whispered. I could feel myself blushing.

“I know.” I whispered back and looked up. I caught Alex’s eye and he looked back to his music. “What song are they recording?” I asked. I could tell I had heard it before.

“Uh… I think Rian said Alex wanted to record Lullabies acoustically.” Kara said picking at her nails. I looked at Alex again, he looked sad. But he always looked when he played that song. I caught his eyes again and he looked away.

“Scream to be heard, like you needed any more attention.” He sang. His eyes were closed tightly and his hands were gripped tightly on the microphone. Zack was strumming harder than I had seen him on an acoustic guitar.

“Is he okay?” I asked Kara. I got up from my chair and leaned against the glass of the studio. Alex’s eyes opened slightly and he continued to sing. It was beautiful, but I could tell he was upset.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He finished. He slammed the microphone back onto its stand and swung open the door of the studio.

“Alex?” I asked as he walked briskly past me. His jaw clenched, he opened the door of the studio and then left. I opened the door that he had just slammed shut and was immediately hit by the cool fall breeze. I spotted Alex walking quickly down the street.

His hands were shoved down into his pockets and his face was down, to block the wind I suspect. “Alex! Wait up!” I yelled half running to try to catch up to him. “Hey! Wait!” I yelled and he continued to walk, quicker. “God dammit, Alex.” I mumbled to myself and ran to catch up to him. I swung him around by his jacket so that he was facing me. “What the hell is your problem?” I seethed trying to catch my breath.

His eyes were bloodshot, and sad, and he looked like he was about to burst into tears. “Alex?”

“Just leave me alone, Lauren.” He choked out and pulled his arm out of my grip. He continued to walk.

“Shit, Alex! Wait a second!” I grabbed his arm again and he yanked it from me. “Stop it!” I yelled hearing an echo of myself down the street. “What is wrong with you?” I asked.

His fists were clenched and his nose was turning red. I shivered in the cold air and waited for his response. I looked down at my black uggs and then up at him again. Suddenly his arms wrapped tightly around me and pulled me close to him. His lips attached to mine and my eyes popped open. He kissed me as though he never wanted to let go of me again. I slowly shut my eyes and moaned into the kiss. He made my legs feel like jello. He gently pulled away and half smiled. “I needed that.”

“Glad I could help.” I stuttered out confusedly. “Are you okay?”

Alex nodded and pressed his hands into his eyelid sockets. “That song gets me sometimes.”

I nodded. “I understand.” I sat down on the curb and Alex sat close next to me.
He sighed, “Remember when you told me you lost someone close to you?” He asked. I nodded slowly.

Oh great, I’ll have to explain now.

“Who was it?”

I started the same story I had told Kara, and this time I made sure to not leave out any detail. About half way through the story Alex’s hands slid into mine and his thumbs caressed my palms gently. Tears rolled down my cheeks and Alex would release my hand only to wipe them away and then his hand would quickly go back to mine. A moment of silence took place when I was finished and I assumed Alex was processing what I had just told him.

Suddenly he said, “Why didn’t you tell me this when Tom…you know…” He coughed. I nodded and thought about his older brother.

“You seemed too wrapped up in grief at the time. I don’t know. I didn’t want to make things worse. I probably should have.”I shrugged. Alex then stood up and brushed his jeans off with his hands. Then he reached out to grab my arm and pulled me up.

“We should head back.” He said noticing my now shaking body. He slid off his beanie and put it on me. Then he pecked my nose and smiled. I could feel my cheeks reddening with blush again. “You’re blushing.” He grinned.

“Shut up, no I’m not! I’m cold.” I retorted sticking my tongue out at him. He chuckled. I yanked his hand and proceeded back to the car. It was obvious that the others had left by now, plus it was past 6, so that meant Jack would be whining horrifically about what someone was going to cook him.

Joy.