Scream to be Heard

Lauren turned away from me and continued to her car. Her brown hair swayed back and forth as she walked and I noticed her trip a little bit before opening the door to her car.

I sighed and held my aching temples. “Fucking hangover” I mumbled and continued up the steps to the apartment. Thinking back to last night, I forced myself to remember the name of the girl I had slept with. As much as I didn’t want to believe it, Lauren was right. I wasn’t happy. Sure one night stands make me forget temporarily, but afterwards there’s absolutely no emotion. I pulled off my beanie and ran a hand through my hair. I hated when Lauren was mad at me, and I’m sure I must have put her past her breaking point today.

“Hey man.” Zack greeted from the corner of the apartment. He was working out, as always.

“Hey.” I replied and went to the kitchen for some Advil for my head.

“Did you score last night?” Jack asked sipping his coffee, his eyebrows wiggling up and down.

“Sure did.” I stretched popping the Advil into my mouth and swallowing it dry.

“Nice.” Jack nodded and sat down on a stool. “So are we practicing today?”

“Yeah.” I responded, “Hey Jack, do you think I’m a dick?”

“Only the best one.” He winked.

“You’re disgusting.” I laughed and hit him over the head.

“Ow!” he whined, “What do you want me to tell you, Alex? That you’re a wonderful heartbreaker?” He laughed. “I mean, what’s the longest you’ve ever dated anyone?”

“Lisa, two years.” I said, “You have to admit, that’s was a long one!” I reasoned. Jack began to walk out of the kitchen. “Do you think a girl like Lauren would ever go for me?”

Jack started laughing so hard he fell on the counter. “Are you kidding me?!”

“Fuck you, Jack.” I gripped the counter so tightly I thought my fingers would bleed.

He straightened up, “Don’t get me wrong, Alex…she likes you..It’s obvious. But she would NEVER date you.”

“Oh okay.” I nodded. “We’ll practice later in the afternoon.” I walked past Lauren’s room. It smelled just like her, honey and vanilla. I stopped and thought about the first time I met Lauren. It was sophomore year in high school.

______________________________________________________________________
“Fuck!” She breathed bending over to pick up her books. A wave of vanilla and honey hit me and I suddenly felt delirious. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” She said quickly and continued to gather her books. I bent over to pick up a few papers that had slipped out of the folders.

“It’s fine.” I said. “I wasn’t looking either.” I picked up her papers and looked at them. The papers were filled with lyrics written in awesome designs. “These are cool.” I said and handed them to her.

“Thank you.” She smiled. Her smile was absolutely beautiful. I read the lyrics on the papers that she now had in her hands. I grinned madly, they read, “Where are you? And I’m so sorry, I cannot dream, I cannot sleep tonight”.

She pulled the papers away from me embarrassingly and pushed a strand of her brown hair behind her ear. “You like Blink?” I asked. She nodded.

“I’m kind of obsessed.” She chuckled. Her chuckle was so cute.

“Alex.” I said extending my hand. She took it and shook firmly.

“Lauern.” She smiled.
______________________________________________________________________

I smiled back at the memory and then left to my room. That was four months before my brother committed suicide. A lump in my throat formed and I bit my lip. I remember Lauren always asking me what was wrong after the incident happen. I pushed her away, I pushed her away to the point where I didn’t think we could ever be friends again. She stayed close with the others, and I’m glad she did, or I would have never seen her again after high school.

I care about her a lot more than she knows.

Probably a lot more than she will ever know.