Scream to be Heard

“Kara?” I called into her apartment. I opened the door slowly and entered the cold apartment. I had a bag from Panera Bread with soup in it for her in one hand, and my keys in the other. “Kara? Sweetie?” I asked again when no one answered.

“Lauren?” Her voice cracked and I saw her head pop up from the couch.

I smiled, “Hey girl!” I greeted cheerfully. I sat down next to her on the couch and pulled the bag in front of me. “I brought you soup!” I grinned.

“You’re so sweet.” She laughed. “Rian hasn’t even been over today.” She frowned.

“I think they’re practicing.” I said. She still looked upset. “I’ll give him a piece of my mind!” I said making a fist with my hands. She laughed again and started to cough. I pressed my hand to her burning forehead. “Jesus, Kara…You should see a doctor.” I said worriedly. Her face paled even more, and she pulled her mousy hair back into a tight knot.

“I hate doctors.” She said. I rolled my eyes.

“That is an idiotic phobia.” I said and stood up.

“Hey!” She whined and ripped the bag out of my hands. “Did Alex ever come home?” She asked.

I sighed, “Yes.”

“What did he say?”

“That he had a good time last night.” I sat back down next to Kara.

“I’m sorry, babe.” She said.

“It’s alright…Can’t expect him to change.” I said. My mind flickered back to the point in Alex’s life where he began to push me away.

“Give it time. He has to grow up at some point. Do you guys even talk anymore?” She asked.

“Not really…Stupid things like, “Lauren where’s the milk?” or “Lauren can you clean up my beer cans, I gotta run and people are coming over.””

Kara frowned even harder. “That’s not right. You need to stick up for yourself.”

“I know, its’ just…Alex had it rough.” I said still thinking about the end of sophomore year.

“Do elaborate…” Kara said pulling up the blanket around her and looking at me with her big brown eyes. And then I explained everything to her.

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“Alex! Come back here!” I yelled trying to catch up with him. He was booking it down the sidewalk. The rain was light, but the clouds told a story that said there was more to come.

“What do you want, Lauren?” He seethed turning around to look at me. His eyes were red and puffy and he wiped his nose with his arm.

“Are you okay?” I asked folding my arms across my chest in the cold. He looked away for a minute and then back at me.

“I’m fine.” He said through a clenched jaw.

“Umm…” I bit my lip nervously. “Do you want to come to my house and talk about it?”

He shook his head and adjusted his jacket. “No.” He said sharply.

“Okay, well I’ll talk to you tomorrow then?” I put my hands on his arms to pull him into a hug.

“Get off of me, Lauren.” He said and shrugged out of my grasp. My stomach rose to my throat. He’d never acted so cold to me before.

“Oh…um…I’ll see you tomorrow then.” I rubbed my arm and went to turn around. He stood there for a few more moments and then I heard him start to sob. I turned back around, “Lex?”

“Go away Lauren!” He screamed and I jumped. I nodded and ran back in the other direction towards my house.

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“That was a day after his brother died?” Kara asked. I nodded looking away from her.

“I wish I could have done something.” I mumbled messing with the fringe of her blanket.

“You did your best.” Kara shrugged.

“No I didn’t.” I said looking up from the coffee table and at Kara. “I never told him about Kayla.”

Kara looked confused. I swallowed a lump in my throat. “Who is Kayla? Do I know her?”

I shook my head. I hated thinking about it. It brought back too many memories. I was only ten when it happened anyways. “She was my babysitter. Remember when my mom and your mom went to New York? And my dad went on a work trip?” She nodded slowly. “Well, I had this babysitter…” A tear slipped from my eyes. I wiped it away quickly.

“Holy shit, Lauren? What happened?” She leaned closer to me.

“She was my babysitter for 4 years. She practically raised me. Mom and dad were always away.” I said as more tears rolled down my face. “Okay…”I breathed. “So our moms went away, and my dad was gone and Kayla was watching me for a few days. She was 19. These guys-“I choked, “They broke into the house… Kayla told me to hide under the bed. So I did. A few seconds later I heard a gunshot, and then she screamed. Then her body fell right in front of me.” I sobbed.

“Why doesn’t my mom know about this? You never told us about this?!” Kara suddenly looked angry.

“My mom didn’t want to worry anyone.” I said trying to clean up my running make-up. “My mom left New York without your mom, remember?” She still looked confused. “She said she had a “work thing”. You’re mom wanted to stay because she had bought tickets to ‘Wicked’. My mom didn’t want to tell anyone because we were the target of more robbery. That’s why we moved. The media barely even heard of it because we were still at high risk.”

“I don’t understand…I mean, I knew your mom was rich but-robbery? Lauren, I can’t believe you didn’t tell our family!” She coughed.

“I wasn’t allowed. My mom wouldn’t let me.” I breathed. “Anyways, that’s not the point. Kayla was like a sister to me. She was so amazing. I wanted to be just like her. And then, she was taken from me-in my own house.” My lip was trembling. “Maybe, if I had told Alex, he would have opened up to me instead of shoving me away. I know how he felt… I just couldn’t find the strength to tell him.” I sighed and leaned my head back against the couch. Kara’s hand touched mine.

“Stop blaming yourself. You can’t change how Alex is.” She said. I nodded, I guess she was right. She looked tired.

“You should get some sleep.” I said and stood up. “I’ll tell Rian to come over after practice.” I smiled.

“Thanks.” She said still fuming from the secret I had just told her. I never knew why my mom didn’t want her sister to know. I think it came from the fact that my mother had always bragged to her sister about marrying a rich man. She would constantly brag about our house, our clothes, her jewelry. Kara’s mom would constantly say that, “Money isn’t everything.” Maybe my mom didn’t mention the robbery because it would be a fault in her lavish lifestyle. She didn’t want to prove that “money isn’t everything”. She didn’t want her sister to be right. I rolled my eyes at the thought. I had never been close to my mother. She barely raised me, and was never home.

The closest I had to a mother was Kayla, and she was gone.