Scream to be Heard

Alex’s POV

It’s been two weeks since my first date with Lauren. And I really started to feel happier with everything. The band would be going on tour soon, and Rian was talking about maybe proposing to Kara. I was excited for them, and it made me want to take things with Lauren a little more seriously. I hadn’t really asked her to be my girlfriend, but I was planning on it. I just needed to get her out on one more date. Then I could ask her. The problem was, I wasn’t sure how much she trusted me.

There hadn’t been many parties that we had heard of so I wasn’t tempted by the alcohol and sex, but I didn’t know how long I could last without the alcohol…I could live with the sex thing, but the alcohol.. I wasn’t sure. I care about Lauren way too much to fuck things up this early. I just had to learn to follow through with my goals.

“Hey, can you clean those dishes in there, Lauren? I just have to finish these chords.” Zack said messing with his guitar. Lauren nodded and stood up. She then sluggishly proceeded to the kitchen. I slapped her on the ass as she walked by.

“Fuck you, Gaskarth!” She laughed tiredly and continued on.

“I gotta work on more lyrics for the new album.” I moaned exhaustedly. This new cd was going to be the death of me. I pulled my notebook out from the center of the couch and bit on my pen… Maybe I could write something for Lauren? I played around with the idea and scribbled a couple things down.

“I’m building a place, something amazing just for the sake of saving us. And whatever’s left of that little box that beats in your chest.” I sighed and continued to write.

“OW, FUCK!” I heard Lauren yell and drop something. I stood up and walked into the kitchen.

“What’s wrong?” I asked crossing over to her. She held her finger in her mouth.

“I just cut myself. It’s fine. I didn’t see the knife in there.” She sighed and took out her finger to look at it. Blood oozed to the surface and she winced in pain. “Ouch.” She squeaked. I reached above her and pulled out a band-aid from the cabinet.

“Let me see.” I said and pulled her hand away from her. I wrapped the band-aid around her finger and kissed it gently. “All better?” I smiled.

“Thanks.” She sighed exhaustedly and turned back to the dishes. I turned towards her and put my hands on her shoulders. I massaged them gently, kneading out all of the knots.
“Damn, your tense.” I chuckled. She was silent. “Are you okay, Lauren?” I asked. She nodded.

“I’m fine. I just need to clean these.” She said and itched her nose with her arm.

“Are you sure?” I asked not really believing her. She sighed again.

“Yeah, Alex. I’m good.” She said. I nodded and then proceeded back out of the kitchen. It seemed like she wasn’t in the mood to talk, so I didn’t push it.

“What’s with her?” Jack asked settling down in a chair. He had obviously heard the conversation. “She’s been all pissy for a week.”

“I think she’s just tired.” Zack shrugged.

“I gotta go print off those shirts.” Lauren shrugged on her coat looking tired; and a little sick even.

“Do you want me to go with you?” I asked standing up. She looked at me for a second and then looked away.

“No. I’ll be fine. You chill.” She said and picked up her tote bag. That was odd, she looked like she was mad at me for something. I followed her out into the hallway.

“Hey!” I called after her. I caught her by the arm and spun her around. “What’s with you? You’ve barely talked to me all day.” I asked.

“Alex…” She pursed her lips together. “We can’t be a thing.” She finally said. My heart felt like it was cracking in two.

“What did I do?” I asked desperately. To think I was just thinking about asking her on another date, and to be my girlfriend. She sighed and coughed into her arm.

“You didn’t do anything.” She quickly explained. “I’m scared of what you will do. I can’t get my heart broken again…It hurts too much.” She half whispered looking at my shoes. I tilted her head up to look at her eyes. She was referring to Martin. She dated him for about a year. He cheated on her, and she walked in while it was happening. I remember her not leaving her room for weeks. Although, I was always out or too drunk to notice. I knew she was right. She couldn’t trust me…I had been with too many girls. How could she trust someone who constantly broke girl’s hearts.

“Just give me a chance.” I tried. She huffed and I could tell her eyes were searching for an escape. “Lauren, please…” I begged. I never beg for girls, they’re always begging for me. Her big green eyes focused on mine.

“I-“ She paused. “I’m scared, I’m scared you’ll hurt me.” She finally said.

And then I promised her something that I wasn’t sure I could keep… “I promise you, Lauren, I will never hurt you.”