My Understandings

"What are you even doing?!" I shouted at the man before me, laughing as he danced. He began to make a circle around me as I tried to fold clothes out on the table in front of me, but to no avail. Before I could even set anything down, he was in my face, singing to the band that was on stage behind us. "Richard Arin Ilejay!" I yelled his full name at him, and he stopped mid-flail. He pouted, crossing his arms over his chest, as the song ended and there was silence around us. I couldn't help but smile; his puppy dog eyes had that effect on everyone.
"Don't call me that." He said with a huff, leaning against the table and letting me work. The luminescence from the lights above dimmed, meaning the band that was just on stage had finished. Silence engulfed the two of us, and he stared at me as I worked, watching me fold and set out different shirts and hoodies for a count of the night. I could hear the loud voice of one of the men who employed me and I looked down the way to see him coming towards Arin and I.
"Oh, look here!" he yelled at the pair of us, and I immediately turned red and became engrossed in what I was doing.
"I'll see you." Arin said hurriedly, and before I could look up, he was gone.

It was winter in the states as we traveled back and forth, waking up in a new place everyday, not knowing where we were going next, and it was all new for me. I had never toured before; I had never needed to feel the rush, stress, and emotions that went with being on the road for an immense period of time. However, this tour meant the world.

Avenged Sevenfold had been my favorite band for years. I couldn't remember a time when they weren't, and now, I was working with them on a daily basis, seeing their beautiful faces all the time. It was surreal; I couldn't have imagined this in a thousand years. They were my rock, my little saviors, but now, they were my friends.

Hollywood Undead had brought us out, my best friend and I, on a whim. We had known them from shows, seeing them every chance we got, and they called us when they needed a few hands on deck. In the back of my mind, I had wondered why they hadn't brought their friends, or their wives or girlfriends, but I wouldn't take this chance for granted. This was it, this is what I had wanted for years, and I finally had it in the palm of my hand.

"Don't be a dick, Kristie." I said to my best friend as we walked from the buses to the venue. She was carrying a box in her hands with merchandise, while I just strolled around with her. We each sold merchandise for Hollywood Undead, swapping duties one day, between the main Hollywood Undead merch table and the Dead Cultoure merch table.
"I'm not being a dick, but you shouldn't be leading the poor kid on." She said, heaving the box higher so she didn't drop it.
"I'm not leading him on, at all. We're friends." I said to her for the umpteenth time. She just didn't understand. The relationship between Arin and I was simply platonic, as far as he had to say. Being friends with Arin was beyond my comprehension in the first place, so I wasn't about the stretch it and go for more, regardless of how I felt about him. She scoffed at me anyways as I held open the door for her and we made our way to the front of the venue. The tables were set up next to the Avenged booth, as they always had been. My side, the Dead Cultoure booth was already set up, and I had nothing to do for hours.
"So how's Jorel?" she asked me, like I knew. I laughed at her, standing in front of the table, my arms crossed.
"How's George?" I asked her as she unfolded shirts for the display, and she turned beet red. I laughed at her, and began to walk away.
"You leaving me?!" she yelled, and I laughed.
"Call George, he'll want to say hi." I said and she huffed, grabbing her phone from the table and taking my advice.

As I walked on the bus, I could already hear George's overly loud voice on the phone. I tried to push my way passed him, trying to get to my bunk, but to no avail. "Hear you left Kristie high and dry?" he asked and I sighed.
"She's working." I said, nudging him out of the walk way just enough to squeeze past him. He laughed, either at me or to Kristie, as he made his way off of the bus. I lay down in my bunk on the bottom, looking up to see Jorel stopping at his bunk. He kneeled down, and I ignored him, grabbing my ipod from next to me.
"Jessi." He said my name with a huff, getting in the bunk with me, and laying on top of me.
"Really!" I squealed as he squished me, trying to wriggle my way out from underneath him. He wouldn't stop laughing, but moved over enough so the two of us could lie there peacefully enough. "What the fuck are you doing?" I just about yelled at him as he propped his head on his elbow and looked at me.
"I'm bored and you ignored me." He said, pouting. I tried to shove him away, but he laid there like a rock. I huffed, crossing my arms as best as I could in the small space.

Ever since I had known who Hollywood Undead was, they had been a part of my life. Ever since I had seen them for the first time, I felt a connection with them, and since then, it only grew. Within the short time that I had been on tour, they made me feel at ease and at home. They made me felt like I belonged in a place where everything was new, and I had no idea what was going on.

As I walked through the venue, hearing the deep bass boom from one of the opening bands, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Kids shuffled passed me, paying little attention as I pulled my phone out, trying to read the numerous texts as I walked. One was from Kristie, yelling at me to return, and another was from Arin. I reread his text over and over, trying to decipher his hidden meaning, but I couldn't figure it out. He had asked me to come hang out with him and the guys tonight. It still baffled me, and as I walked to the merch booths, my contemplation never lifted. "So Arin texted me." I said loud enough for Kristie to hear as I pulled my chair closer to her. She looked at me, confused. I yelled louder, but she shook her head.
"No, I heard you. Just, why?" she asked and I laughed.
"You think I know? Why do you think I told you in the first place?" I said and she raised her brows.
"Wonder what he wants." She asked and I shrugged, trying not to think too much about it.

Unfortunately, I had thought about it, over analyzing every word that Arin had sent me. After packing away all the shirts and CDs, I had come to the conclusion that there was no ulterior motive. What could Arin possibly gain from me? Nothing and that was the reason why there was no motive behind his actions, only the fact that he had possibly wanted to hang out.

The light behind the bus was flickering as I smoked, waiting for something to happen. As I inhaled, it went back on, and stayed on. As I exhaled, I heard screams from close by; meaning someone notable was coming closer. I waited, seeing who it was, when my phone buzzed. It was a call, and I answered before I even looked to see who it was. "Hi?" I said, inhaling.
"Jessi? Where are you?" they asked. I could hear their voice from close by me, and on the other end of the phone.
"Behind my bus. Who is this?" I asked, not recognizing their voice. Before they could answer, Arin stepped into view, and I smiled. He hung up, coming closer to me, his face bright with the smile he had there too. He came over to me immediately, hugging me fiercely, like he always had. I just tried not to burn him with my still lit cigarette. He leaned up against the bus with me, pulling out a pack of his own. "Since when did you smoke?" I asked, taken aback as he lit one and inhaled. He laughed at the look on my face.
"Dan got me into it." He said and I scowled. Dan, Avenged Sevenfold's body guard, had a bad influence on the Arin I knew.
"I'm gonna beat him." I muttered to myself, but Arin heard.
"Why?" he asked me, and I inhaled, trying to give myself a moment to come up with an answer. I shrugged.
"You just seem…innocent." I said, for lack of a better word. He smiled at my word choice, and I could see the slight tinge of blush in his cheeks. "Dan's going to ruin you." I said and he laughed. "Just makes me worry, I guess." I said and he sobered up, listening to me. "I know you were a fan before they found you, but, they were bad back in the day." I said and sighed, taking the last hit from my slowly burning cigarette and throwing it on the ground. "The whole drugs, sex, rock n' roll bit got to them, they were living in the limelight, and they used it to their advantage." I said voicing my opinion of the band I had loved for so long. "This is your time, your limelight, and I don't want it going to your head." I said and looked back over to him. His lit cigarette had fallen from his fingers, and he was crossing his arms against his chest, smiling. He looked over to me once I had stopped talking and laughed. He shook his head, walking out from behind the buses, and looking back to me.
"Nothings going to happen to me that I don't want happening to me." He said to me, reaching out his hands. When I didn't move, he came to me, taking my hands from my sides and dragging from out behind the bus. I started to laugh, pushing against him, when I noticed a group of fans watching us. I stopped laughing, and moved as much as I could behind him. He looked to where I was looking and let go of my hands, letting me hide behind him. "Really Jessi?" he said and laughed at me, walking from where we were to where the fans were standing. I followed him, seeing every eye in the crowd look at me until Arin came nearer. I smiled, shrinking back in the shadows, trying to be invisible for a little while.

After Arin had said his hellos, signed his autograph, and got his pictures, he came to find me. He didn't see me, at first, but when I stepped out from the shadows; his smile came back on his face. "Come on, they're going to wonder where we are." He said, motioning for me to follow him to the bus at the very front of the row, not far off from where we were standing. As we neared the bus, my heart began to speed up, and my stomach started to churn. I was getting nervous. Arin was far enough ahead of me for him to notice, and he turned around when I hadn't sped up. He must've seen the look on my face, and stopped and waited for me to reach the front of the bus so the few stragglers couldn't see us. "What's wrong?" he asked as soon we rounded the front.
"Nothing." I lied, trying to smile. He laughed at me, hugging me, and I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself.
"Breathe, Jessi, breathe." He said to me, and I listened to him as he held me. He let me go when I stopped my rhythmic breathing, holding me at arms length. "Better?" he asked and I shrugged. He smiled, letting me go, and walking to the door. I held my breath as he opened it, walking in behind him, and seeing the four men that made up my life.