My Understandings

As the days of the tour dwindled, I spent them with the people I would miss the most. Over the few months of the tour, the guys of Avenged Sevenfold became friends, and I would miss them every day until I saw them all again. Arin was elated at the fact that I had grown close to everyone, become friends with them, and he wanted to see me, even after we had ended it. It made me regret that it had happened even more, but he was right, it wasn't the time for us. As much as I wanted to believe him, the last few days showed me that I still thought he was wrong.

I took my arms away from Arin, trying not to keep a hold of him like I really wanted to do. He sighed, letting me go, and took a step away from me. "It's gonna be weird, you know?" Arin said, putting his hand behind his head, looking nervous. "Not having you around all the time." He said and I smiled, looking at the ground and shuffling my feet. It's like we were high school sweethearts, getting ready to leave each other. I couldn't stand it, wanting to close the distance between us, wanting to be near him at all times, but this wasn't how it was going to go anymore, and I knew that.
"I know, it's going to be weird not being on tour with you guys." I said and he laughed to himself.
"It'll be over before you know it!" he exclaimed, coming closer to me again, and hugging me with all he had. I sighed, hugging him back, relishing in the fact that we were still together.

I walked into the back lounge, shutting the door behind me, wrapping my arms around my legs and sighing. I didn't want to feel this way; this epic sadness that was filling my being was not something I had wanted to end this tour with. I heard someone knock on the door lightly as I felt tears soaking my jeans. I didn't say anything, but they entered anyway. I heard the door shut behind them, and they sat next to me. Whoever it was put their arms around my shoulders. "You okay?" they asked and I could tell who it was.
"What do you care?" I asked, instantly rebuffing them and sitting up. It was Jorel, and he looked anything but offended at my response to him. "I'll be fine." I said to him, trying to keep my tone light. He was trying, that much I could see in his eyes.
"Seriously?" he asked and I just nodded. He moved his arms to his sides as I wiped the excess tears from my face. "What are you doing after this?" he asked me and I looked at him. "I mean after tour, are you going back to Ohio?" he asked and I shrugged.
"I don't have any where else to go." I answered him. "Kristie will go back to Michigan and this will all just be a chapter in our lives that you guys will try and forget." I said to him and he laughed. His laugh sounded bitter with little humor in it. He knew my cynical tone was because I was hurt, and this was how they dealt with us since the beginning. We were never more then just two fans of theirs. He scoffed at my accusation. He tried to put his arm around me again, but I scooted far enough out of reach of him. He stood up, and I thought he was going to leave, but he walked in front of me, making me look at him. I tried to look anywhere but in his eyes.
"What if we don't want you to go back there?" he asked me and looked him in the eye.
"Why the hell would you want anything else?" I asked him and he laughed, putting his hands on his knees, getting in my face. I backed up into the couch, trying to keep my distance. He smirked.
"George wants Kristie to come back with him." He said and I stared at him. We had known them for a long time, but I knew that Kristie and George had only been fooling around since this tour. However, I knew that George was very impulsive, as was Kristie, so that meant after this was over; they'd be hitching it up together.
"Okay, regardless, I'd still have to go back to Ohio, even if Kristie doesn't go back to Michigan." I said to him and he stood up, putting his hands behind his head in a huff.
"You don't see what I'm saying, do you?" he said and cracked his neck in agitation. I started to smile, watching him squirm in front of me, for whatever reason.
"You're telling me you want me to come live with you? Is that it? Because you've got to be fucking kidding me." I said and started to laugh. He put his hands to his side, and cocked his head to the side, staring at me. He waited till I was done laughing.
"Why is that so funny?" he asked and I chuckled to myself.
"For as long as we've known each other, I've lived in Ohio, done things in my own life, and you've never had a thought about me, but now since we've been touring together, everything's changed? I don't think so. Nothing's changed." I said and he continued to stare at me.
"Everything has." He said and I narrowed my eyes at him. "I know you, I've seen you act when you were around Arin, I've seen how you fuck around with Kristie and the rest of us, and I've seen you." He said and I stared at him.
"I don't know you. This is not the Jorel Decker I've known. Get out of here." I said and stood up. I walked out of the lounge, and Jorel called my name, but I ignored him. I went to my bunk, grabbing my cigarettes from the bottom, and going back to where Jorel was sitting. "Where do you think I was going on a moving bus?" I said and laughed at his dumbstruck face. I closed the door behind me and opened a window, and sat back down near the open window. I lit the cigarette and inhaled, blowing the smoke out of the window.
"If the bus driver knows you're smoking on here." He said tauntingly. I shook my head, inhaling again.
"Do you know the half of what goes on back here? The driver doesn't know shit." I said and he just laughed. Silence filled the room as he waited, letting me finish my cigarette, and I tossed it out the open window.
"No, seriously, I want you to come back with us." He said after a few moments, all serious again. I shook my head and scoffed. He couldn't be telling the truth, there was no way that this kid gave two shits about me or what I was doing with my life. He could see the indecision written all over my face and stood up. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. "Just think about it, okay?" he said, opening the door and leaving me to my mind.

What was Jorel playing at? I couldn't understand his total change of heart, and how much he had seemed to change in the last few days. I couldn't believe Kristie, with her prophecies about how Jorel was the second coming of Jesus Christ, the savior. It didn't make sense; it didn't make sense for him to change this much in such a short amount of time. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. What if Arin hadn't come along? What if nothing had happened between Arin and me? Would Jorel still be coming around, wanting me to come with him to California? Everything was a mystery to me, as I sat in the back lounge, as we made our way out to California. Regardless, I had only hours to decide what I wanted to do for the new few months, and I couldn't even begin to figure out what that was.

Jorel was waiting for me, once we had reached the open air. I stretched, throwing my bag across my shoulder, and went towards him. The other guys were there, lighting up cigarettes, and I joined them. I said nothing to Jorel, only watched the rest of them, as Kristie and George joined us. Their tour manager took a last sweep of the bus, bringing out anything the guys had left behind, and the bus we had called home left us in the middle of some random parking lot in downtown LA. Everyone said their goodbyes, and soon enough, the four of us were left standing there. I turned to George and Kristie, but they were paying little attention to me, being immersed in one another. I coughed, and they both looked at me. "What are you doing?" I asked Kristie. If she was going home, we'd both fly together. She stared at me like I was an alien like five heads, coming to consume her soul.
"What?" she asked me again and I waited. "I'm going with George." She said, like I should've known. The only reason I had any inkling was because Jorel had told me, not because she had confided in me. I nodded, blowing it off. She irritated me. I turned back to Jorel, ignoring the two people behind me completely. He was looking over my shoulder at George and Kristie. "What are you doing?" she asked me, but I ignored her still, looking up towards Jorel. He finally looked down to me, raising his brows, wondering the same.
"I have no choice. I'm either going to sleep out in this open parking lot or go back with Jorel. You've left me no other options." I said to her and I didn't have to look at her to know she was glaring at me. I was still upset with her, over the Arin situation, and the fact that George was her everything now. I heard her scoff, and the shuffling of their feet, as they walked in front of us and to George's Cadillac. I watched as they drove off the lot, looking back up to Jorel.
"Were you serious?" he asked me. I laughed, shaking my head at him.
"Yeah, I'm staying in this parking lot." I answered him sarcastically, and he narrowed his eyes at me. "No, I'm coming with you. Like I said no other options…" I said and he shook his head, a light smirk playing at his lips. "But thank you though, really." I said, meaning it. He looked back into my eyes, seeing that I had meant the last few words I spoke, and smiled genuinely. He put his arm around me, taking me with his stride, walking to wherever his car was parked.
"I knew you'd come around." He said, arrogance lacing his every word, and I looked up to him, seeing a smile on his face. I sighed, shaking my head, letting him win for once.