The Only Hope for Me Is You

The Night that Gerard had first returned, Frank had his face buried in Gerards pillow. It had long gone and lost its smell but somehow Frank believed it was the only thing he had left to cling onto of his best friend. He had begun to lose hope. With every day that passed, it seemed more certain in his mind that Gerard was dead. There were no goodbyes. Once Frank had crawled out of the hole in the attic all that was left were the ruins of a once happy home, stripped of it’s soul. Frank, that night, had crawled into Gerards bed, and it seemed almost, like he hadn’t ever left it.
The power had been cut a long time ago, and the water now only ran cold. Frank was essentially squatting. He rarely went outside for fear of getting caught, but also because he was scared Gerard would come back, find him gone, and assume the worst.
Winter was setting in, and it grew colder by the day. Frank shivered, wrapping the blanket tightly around his skinny frame. He let his eyes drop, he was done staying awake. He was beginning to sleep in shifts, half an hour here, an hour there, just so he would be awake to hear things going on.

Frank could feel himself slipping in to slumber, when he heard a noise downstairs. He sat bolt upright, listening as hard as he could. This time there was another noise, louder this time, rather like the click of the latch and a dull thud, like a drop. Franks heart was in his mouth, as he scrambled franticly out of the bed clothes, brining half the sheets with him to the floor. He fumbled around in his shoes by the bed, grabbing Gerards discarded old gun from inside. He listened again. Nothing. He sighed, thinking perhaps that maybe, he’d dreamed it. Then there was a creak. Frank knew that creak. Someone was descending the stairs, this time for sure, he could hear every single heavy step. The clever thing to do in this situation would be to hide, Frank thought later, but no. He froze, Paralysed by fear. Gun in limply in hand, a feeble excuse for defence.
He could hear the footsteps round the top of the stairs now, and Frank held his breath, ready for them to take him. It seemed like a life time before he finally saw a shadow approach the doorway. He gripped the gun so hard he was sure his knuckles went white. It was hard to see past the door. The house was dark except a thin strip of streetlight beaming through a crack in the curtains. The light began creeping it’s way up the figure. First, the familiar boots, that Frank knew only too well to be a soldiers. Then the neatly pressed trousers, and the hem of the jacket, and the rough worn hands that were holding something small. Frank squinted, as the light glinted on the tiny object in the soldiers hands. Gerards chain.
Frank had given it him as a birthday present, originally as a set. A lock and key. Frank had suggested he save the other half for someone special. So Gerard, being Gerard, had given it to Frank a few hours later. The had worn them ever since.
Frank gasped, feeling complete despair wash over him. Gerard can’t be dead, he thought. It can’t be why they’re here. Frank fell to his knees, his head in his hands, dropping the gun with a thud. It didn’t matter to him now, they could kill him and it wouldn’t make any difference.
‘Frank?’
Frank stopped breathing at the familiar voice, and looked slowly upwards through his ragged hair. The soldier stepped forwards fully into the light, and Frank was met with the familiar hazel glint he knew only too well.
‘Gee?’ He squeaked, his voice cracking into a sob.
‘Frank’ Gerard said, letting out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding, scrambling down onto his knees and engulfing Frank in a huge embrace. Frank wasn’t sure how long they were down there for, but eventually it came upon him to break the silence.
‘What happened to you?’ It came out in a gruff whisper, but Gerard heard it all the same.
‘So many things Frank’ He said ‘You can’t even begin to Imagine’
Frank opened his mouth to ask more, but he decided things were best left alone. He had so many questions, but none of them seemed important anymore. Gerard was here, and that’s all that mattered. Instead, he threw himself back into his friends arms and sobbed. Half with relief, and half with utter terror. Then, he felt Gerards chest shake as he began to cry silently, and for the first time in ages, Frank felt strangely complete.

In Franks mind, he had always loved Gerard. Sometimes he was sure of it, and other times he wasn’t sure in what way. He’d always looked up to him, admired him, maybe even worshiped him, but it bothered him too much to even consider it. While Gerard was away, he’d had time to think. He was alone, just with his mind for company, and he’d worked himself into a ditch thinking about his feelings towards his best friend. Sure they’d talked about sexuality before, but never about each other. It was wrong, but maybe that’s why Frank craved it so much.
That night that Gerard came home, well, it was no exception. Frank was sure of it now. All this time away, Frank knew that it was love. He didn’t care what kind. He just needed it.
He clung to Gerard like a tiny child, almost whimpering every time he moved away. He was desperate to get closer to him but he couldn’t. He was as close as he could possibly get, without crawling onto him.
‘Frank? ‘ Gerard said, holding the smaller man’s hands ‘are you ok?’
Frank looked down, studying Gerards dirty nails, turning his hands over and back again.
‘Frank?’ Gerard said, cupping a hand under Franks chin and forcing his gaze upwards. ‘What is it?’
Frank laughed in his head at the stupidity of it all, and half smiled. Gerard cocked his head sideways confused, and that was it. Frank was laughing. He couldn’t help it. He still had tears coming from his eyes but, fuck it, he was laughing.
‘It’s funny’ He said, grabbing Gee by the shoulders and pulling him onto the bed.
‘What could possibly be funny?’ Gerard squeaked, sitting heavily on the mattress.
Frank knelt next to Gerard, his face right up to Franks.
‘It’s funny cause..’ Frank let out a giggle ‘cause..I love you’ He laughed a little more, studying Gerard reaction.
‘Right…’ Gerard said, his face twisting slightly. ‘and..’
‘No, you don’t get it’ Frank almost shouted, pulling on his hair in frustration. ‘I love you, I have done ever since we were old enough to even understand the meaning of the word. I loved you when we were chubby teenagers, and when we flunked high school together. I loved you when we moved here, and when the war started. I still loved you when you left, and while you were gone. And now that you’re back, if it’s possible, I think I love you more’
Frank looked at Gerard, his face frozen at confused. He suddenly felt a horrible pang in his chest as if his whole world was crashing down. He wanted to rip himself free of his skin and bury himself in the floor, anything to get himself away from the situation he’d landed himself in. Instead, he closed his eyes, shutting himself out. Then the next thing he knew was, Gerards lips were on his.
Frank squeaked into the kiss, almost opening his eyes at the shock. But he didn’t. As strange as this felt, Frank didn’t want to ruin it. Gerard wasn’t doing anything drastic, just resting his warm lips on Franks, but Frank was certain he wanted to make it last. He relaxed into it, giving a little force into the kiss. That was obviously what Gerard needed, as he gently put his hands to the back of Franks head, steadying them a little before moving his lips a little more. Frank sighed, his heart doing somersaults in his chest. He stroked the edge of Gerards ear, which earned him a slight grin into the kiss. Frank saw that as an invitation and gently flicked his tongue into Gerards mouth. Gerard squeezed his fists around Franks hair, driving Franks tongue further into his mouth, and pushing back firmly with his own. Frank clawed at Gerards shirt, pulling him closer until he was almost on his lap. They were properly kissing now. Franks mouth was hot and wet all over Gerards, and Gerards grip was getting stronger on Franks hair. Frank nipped Gerards bottom lip with his teeth, Causing him to moan quietly into the kiss, and push Frank down fully onto the bed.
‘Fuck’ Frank breathed, involuntarily, and Gerard stopped.
Frank panicked, wondering if he’d gone to far, while Gerard propped himself up on his hands over Frank.
‘Sorry’ Frank found himself saying before he’s even though about it.
‘Don’t be’ Gerard whispered ‘I just wanted to look at you’ He smiled, brushing Franks hair from his eyes.
‘And..’ Frank asked, curious.
‘You’re just as beautiful as I remember you being’ Gerard hummed against Franks lips, before kissing him passionately. Frank ran his hands up Gerards sides, grabbing firmly to the sides of his face, holding him close as possible. Their tongues tangled once again, and Frank found himself groaning into it once again. This time he was met by a gasp from Gerard, as Frank bit hard on his lip, causing Gerard to press his body firmly against Franks. Frank pulled Gerards hips into his own, bucking them up slightly to see what he could get away with. He heard Gerard kick off his shoes in response, so he could shuffle them both up the bed slightly, and push his leg in-between Franks.
‘My god’ Gerard breathed against Franks lips, before moving down and placing small kisses on his collar bone.
‘Gee’ Frank squeaked.
‘mmm’ Gerard hummed into his neck.
‘Can I..’ He struggled getting his words out ‘Can I..can’ Fuck it, Frank thought, grabbing Gerard and rolling him over onto his back, so Frank was over him.
‘Christ’ Gerard breathed.
Frank gingerly began to unbutton Gerards jacket, running his hands underneath the material at any chance he got. He watched as Gerard closed his eyes, enjoying the moment. Once the buttons were undone, he pulled the older man up, and rolled the jacket down his arms, discarding it onto the floor. Frank stared. Gerards white t-shirt underneath clung to his frame slightly with sweat. Frank bunched it up in his hands, pulling Gerards lips to his in a heated, sloppy kiss, and tugging on the hem. Gerard smiled and obliged, letting the shirt be lifted over his head. Frank licked his lips, as his friend revealed milky white flesh, something Frank had seen a thousand times before, but now, it was his. He pushed Gerard hard onto the bed, reattaching their lips once again, feverishly pawing at the exposed flesh beneath him. Somehow in the rush, Franks shirt was discarded with Gerards, and Frank was palming Gerard through his jeans. Gerard was making soft noises now and fiddling with Franks zipper, enough to drive Frank crazy. He shoved his hands in the belt hooks and in one swift movement, Franks jeans were gone. Gerard admired his handy work, before lifting his hips for frank to do the same to him. Gerards boxers hung loosely to his skin, but not loose enough to hide what was underneath.
‘Wow’ Frank breathed, kissing the soft flesh of Gerards chest and running his fingers down the pale skin of his torso and around the rim of his boxers.
‘Frank’ Gerard whined, pushing his hips upwards ‘Fuck just..’
Frank stopped him with his mouth, driving his hips into Gerards, rubbing against him feverishly.

Gerard was moaning softly now, and holding onto Franks hips and digging in his nails. Frank slid his hand in between them, creating more friction and touching Gerard gently. Gerards mouth fell open, and the kissing stopped as Frank slid his hand round the waistband of Gerards boxers, and then in.
‘Fuck’ Gerard groaned, as Frank grabbed him underneath the material. He stroked his fingers gently on the soft flesh, receiving a satisfied twitch under his fingers. He teased a little flicking his thumb over the tip, before withdrawing again. Gerard squeaked with disappointment, but his mouth fell open again as Frank began to tug at his underwear.
Once Gerards were off, Frank began working at his own, until both were discarded with the rest of their clothes on the floor. Frank took this time to look at Gerard properly. He was thinner than Frank remembered. His hips protruding slightly as he lay flat. His body was covered in cuts, scrapes and bruises. Battle scars, Frank guessed, cringing that the thought.
‘I can’t even begin to comprehend what happened to you’ Frank thought out loud, tracing his fingers over the marks.
‘Frank’ Gerard stopped his hand, smiling gently. ‘It doesn’t matter. Not now’
Frank nodded, as Gerard took the hand he was holding, and kissed Franks finger tips softly. Frank closed his eyes and rolled back on his heels, and Gerard began to nibble and nip at the skin. He flicked his warm tongue over the top of Franks nails and the little creases of skin just below. Frank sighed, half with content and half in sheer bliss. He could hardly believe what was happening, but he loved it all the same. Gerard kissed his way up Franks arms, over the inked Flesh of his bicep and up over his shoulder, taking his time to nip and suck at the skin. Frank felt that familiar twitch, coursing through his whole body as Gerard breathed hotly against his ear. He could hardly take it. Gerard flicked his tongue over Franks lobe, leaving a cold trail of saliva underneath. Gerard sank his teeth into the cartilage, earning a throaty growl from Frank who clawed and grabbed at Gerards crotch. Gerard pushed his hips into Franks hand, moaning loudly at the sudden contact right into Franks ear. That was about as much as Frank could take, and he attacked Gerards lips, pushing him roughly back down onto the bed. Frank hovered over Gerard a second breathlessly, their flesh twitching at the slight contact between their hips. It was about to happen, and Frank knew it. He searched Gerards gaze for any shred of uncertainty, but his hazel eyes just pleaded with Frank, begging him to carry on. Frank cupped his face, pressing a small kiss to the older man’s lips for reassurance, before pressing himself slowly into him.
Gerard groaned, half in pleasure, half in pain. And Frank couldn’t help but feel bad for not having given any prep or anything, but he carried on. Gerard kept his eyes squeezed shut, his face twisted, until Frank was all the way in. Frank paused, his heart beating erratically in his chest. He was petrified, petrified he’d over stepped the mark and forced his friend into something. Frank had to be certain, he had to be certain Gerard was ok.
‘Gee’ He breathed. Gerards eyes snapped open. ‘You sure?’ He looked up at Frank, his mouth was slack, and he stared with half lidded eyes. He pulled Frank down, kissing him hard, and pulling on his hips, so Frank was as deep as possible. He sighed against Franks mouth and whispered;
‘Fuck yeah’
Frank bit his lip, and slowly pulled out. Gerard whimpered at the lack of contact, pushing his hips towards Frank. He pushed himself back in, painfully slowly. This time he couldn’t supress a moan as he started to build up a steady slow rhythm. In and out. He could feel Gerard start to relax, and at about the fifth thrust, He cried out, digging his fingers into Franks thighs as he hit that all important spot.
‘Fuck me’ He cried, bucking his hips, as Frank sped up, grinding into Gerard as best he could. This was the most intense Frank had ever felt in his life. He stared into Gerards eyes as the kept a steady rhythm, and he knew then that things couldn’t possibly get much better than this.
Good job they were alone, as neither were quiet, as the pleasure increased. Gerard started to grab himself inbetween them, an indication he was close. So Frank pushed on, as hard and fast as he could. Frank grabbed at Gerards thighs, which were slick with sweat, pulling him as close as he could so he could hit that spot perfect every time.
‘Fuck Gerard’ He panted, pressing a hot kiss to his lovers lips, causing him to groan into his mouth.
‘Frank’ Gerard moaned against his lips, feeling that familiar warmth burning in the pit of his stomach. ‘Fuck Frank I’m close’
‘Mmm, yeah’ Frank breathed ‘Fuck me too’
Frank could feel Gerard tensing around him, and his thighs twitch, and he was in heaven.
‘Oh my god Frank’ Gerard panted, grabbing Franks ass and kissing him hard as he bucked up his hips and moaned loudly into his mouth, spilling all over Franks stomach.
The sight of Gerard alone, throwing back his head in pure ecstasy, and screaming out Franks name to the ceiling, was enough to send Frank over the edge. He came, quivering against Gerards body and biting hard at his lip.
Frank collapsed, his head resting on the warm slick skin of Gerards chest. He panted, feeling the steady rise and fall of his best friends rib cage, and not wanting to move incase it was all a dream.

‘Christ’ He heard Gerard breath, running his fingers through Franks hair. Frank lifted his head slowly, meeting Gerards gaze. He was smiling.
‘I knew you’d be pleased to see me Frank’ He said after a while ‘But I wasn’t expecting quite that reception’ He giggled, and Frank couldn’t help but giggle too.
He stroked a strand of hair from Gerards eyes, stroking a finger gently over the soft skin of his cheek.
‘In my head, I always wanted this to happen’ He whispered.
‘Me too’ Gerard smiled, stroking Franks forearm lightly.
‘I thought all those looks, and games and kisses..’ Frank said thoughtfully ‘I thought they were just us, the way we were’
‘No’ Gerard sighed ‘You couldn’t be more wrong’ He lay Frank down, so they were facing. Stroking his hair as he spoke. ‘Remember when we were 16, we spent that whole night up watching horror movies in my bed?’
Frank nodded. He remembered too well.
‘And you got so scared, that you held tightly onto my hand, and snuggled into me like any couple would?’
Frank smiled, Gerard had always looked after him like that.
‘And do you remember how, I never pushed you away that night, not once. I only held your hand tighter and held you close? And, when you got tired, I lay you down, and cuddled you until you fell asleep, because you didn’t want to be alone, and when you woke up the next morning, I was there, still with your hand in mine?’ Gerard laced his fingers into Franks.
‘And that time we got drunk for your 18th. We kissed in my room. Not just any old kiss, but the kind that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, and it wasn’t over quickly, We took our time didn’t we. But, when it was over, we just put it down to the dink. When if I’m honest, As soon as you were gone, I missed your lips on mine’
Frank licked his lips, remembering the sweet taste of cherry Gerard had distinctly had that night.
‘Nobody looks at me like you do Frank. When I catch that gaze sometimes, that one you do when you think I’m not looking, I can’t help but fall for you a little bit more everytime’
Frank laughed, the relief bubbling up into his chest and out of his mouth. He wanted to kiss Gerard until there was nothing left of him.
‘Im serious’ Gerard whispered, pressing his finger under Franks chin. ‘You, are all I need’